Father, last week asked me to jump n said I was flowering n I know my political mind was working.

While d flowering, I did by having d blog. But the jump, I did not.

This week, my Osho card (http://www.osho.com/Main.cfm?Area=Magazine&Sub1Menu=Tarot&Sub2Menu=OshoZenTarot&Language=English) gave me the following 5 cards.
1. Receptivity
2. Internal politics
3. The burden from outside.
4. Adventure
5. Harmony

Father, what is it? I just know that my ego was glad I didn't have to make a move to Internal audit or to talk to my ex ex boss last Friday.
However, weekend, I was not feeling good

Father, how do I know which is real. Is the IA real.

Anyway, not sure of IA or what. But am sure it was my pride that hinders me from contacting my ex ex boss.

So, just now send him a sms greeting. Felt ok, didn't felt the terrible feeling. He replied n that is good.

Father, let me greet this day as I m meant to do.
Let me be mindful of my political mind.

While I am not sure of what I wan. I know m no longer fearful of moving up the career path.

This is how I read and interpreted the cards:
Political mind
The truth cannot be achieved. It is already the case. Only the lie has to be dropped.
Striving after truth is a distraction and a postponement.
See the lie, look deep into the lie of your personality. (Alas, I have always just do elimination method,.... I tot my role now is to see what I really wan and not jus be in the middle, not happy yet afraid to move)

I don't know what is real. What I know is:
1. don't like detailed work
2. Don't like my boss threatening style
3. I am not as adaptable as I think I am. I don’t think I can take as much ‘suffering’ as I thought I can.
4. I like work which use my mind, don’t like to be hurried so I can explore various scenarios, like the Action Plan..and give me the A Ha moments.
5. I am afraid to try anything else, afraid to fall into another frying pan. Afraid that I have no energy anymore to fight. These past 6 mths was difficult - May to Jan - 9 mths.
6. Afraid this will look bad on my resume.

Father, I just see the burden card, is me carrying the load to conquer my dislike for reporting n my dislike for no growth.

I tot, jus like my friend, we meant to suffer before we can succeed. We meant to suffer n overcome. My friend keep on highlighting that I didn't suffer enough and that I was pampered and that I was judgemental towards others. My ex staff also said that I was too pampered. (These 2 believes in suffering. 1 due to low self esteem and the other due to Christianity).

Father, what is d lie
Can I lie n pretend I like it.

Adventure
Insecurity is the only way to grow. To face danger is the only way to grow, to accept the challenge of the unknown is the only way to grow.
Adventure - require trust.

Harmony
Listen to your heart.
Move according to your heart, whatsoever the stake.
To reach God, you have to choose to be simple.


With meditation, let yourself be softer and more receptive because an inexpressible joy is waiting for you just around the corner.
Nobody can point it to you.
Its there, deep within.

Father, after all this deliberation, I still do not know what is right.

What I know is that my mind is political. I will just continue to do my yoga kriya meditation until the matters clears up. Just have to remind myself my mind has been in operation for 40 plus years and here my Kriya only 3 months plus.

So, just give myself time, amen