In limbo - neither here nor there

Feb 1
Father, jus now meditation. I didn't connect. I was disciplining myself. Ego was saying why u pursue. I asked is this it? Is this as far as I go. Anyway, then I said, never mind. At the very least, I jus wan my RA to be healed and I know that it will be done. As for others, I will handle it as I go along.

Bhagavad Gita's msg abt me now in limbo is true. But I will preservere. This 40 days is once in a life time for me.

Sadhguru's msg
Every beating heart claims to seek divinity
As I peel to reveal
The weak hearted ones run to save their frailties
But a few lusty ones remain
Lust - lust for life - deeper life
Is the only way to unravel
The bounty of Nothingness
That is me and you.

Soul
Father, perhaps instead of saying I may be in d wrong track, perhaps m in d right track. Bhagavad Gita clearly describes what I m feeling now. So, jus continue. 2 more weeks to go and d rest I leave to Sadhguru to handle.

Besides, everytime I m at my ends wit food, a new vegetarian stall always open up to me. That's mean d Universe is helping me along to preservere. Amen.

Father, my left hand finger is swelling. This is a first time since a few years back. At first was sad on d attack. Wonder why? I hav done so much. Of cos earlier ego said its becos I push myself to eat veg.
Now putting ointment n I tot, I wil hav to diligently continue on my yoga meditation. Its d way.
Then I tot perhaps its timely for my finger to swell when I m losing interest. The first sign was a couple months back after shoonya n then d attack came n I got frightened n I did hatha yoga. Little did I know it wil lead me to samyama. And now another attack to prod me further. So, I wil be diligent.

Bhagavad Gita
Devotee fearing that a spiritual victory will mean a desolate existence. Without ego and sense, will he then for the remainder of his life, look upon all material things and sensory experiences as being permeated wit evil vibrations in contradistinction to his victorious soul-statre.
The answer is of course, is no. Evil lies only in the misuse of the power and products of nature.

The sense touched by the bliss of the soul will spiritualise perception.
When a mayn discovers that sense joys are not synonym for human happiness, he then sincerely wishes to get rid of his parasitical senses, who apparently offer him solace and symphathy and yet continually practice deception.