Main resistance - food

Feb 2

Father, I jus preservere. This morning, surprisingly woke up even before alarm bell. But do recall that I turn my body at night n resulting in cramping left shoulder. The good thing is that my finger on left hand has stopped swelling. Perhaps the tussle between ego and soul is gone, for now.
These days, whenever tot came in, which is mostly future, before my mind extrapolate, I wld says that its future n brush it off.

The Power of Now
Deep pain body such as the loss of a loved one, usually needs to be transumted through acceptance combined wit the light of ur presence - sustained attention.
Many patterns in ordinary unconsciousness, on the other hand, can simply be dropped once u know that u don't want them and don't need them anymore, once u realised u have a choice and that u r not jus a bundle of conditioned reflexes. All this implies that u r able to access the power of Now. Without it, u have no choice.

Soul
Suddenly tot of my RA. Perhaps its a case of resistance and not jus control.

The Power of Now
When ur mind judged the present moment as bad; this judgement then created the negative emotion.

Soul - mmm, no wonder RA acting up. I shld be realistic and realise that ego won't let go of food. And its not just ego, is also me cos food represent happiness that is within my control. Happiness that doesn't need anyone. Happiness that doesn't leave.
So, perhaps that's why d RA activated. Outwardly I was sayin m fine, but inside m not.

The Power of Now
Once a mind pattern, an emotion or a reaction is there, accept it and u r less likely to project them onto others.

You were not conscious enough to have a choice in the matter. That's not judgement, jus a fact.
If u have a choice, wld u choose suffering or joy.
Only people who are in deeply negative state, who feel very bad indeed, would create such a reality as a reflection of how they feel.

Once u have been practising acceptance of ur negative emotion for a while, there comes a point when u need to go on to the next stage, where those negative emotion are not created anymore.

If you don't, your "acceptance" jus becomes a mental label that allows ur ego to continue to indulge in unhappiness and so strengthen the sense of separation from other people.

Soul - for a moment, tot it hit me on my spiritual practice and also d way I view acceptance. Over here, is saying I m still choosing ego. (Now reading it during my blog update, Samyama program is to enable us not to have negative emotion anymore....really timely. Father, you are always there for me.)

The Power of Now
True acceptance would transmute those feelings at once. And if u really knew deeply that everything is "okay", as u put it, and which of course is true, then would u have chosen negative feeling in the first place?
Without judgement, without resistance to what is, negative feeling would not arise.
You have an idea in ur mind that "everything is okay", but deep down u don't really believe it, and so the old mental-emotional patterns of resistance is still in place. That's okay, too.

Soul - how true. Father, again ur message is on d dot. If I hav read this a week ago, I wouldn't have acknowledge this but now I do. Its like a case of u know, but u don't practise, so u don't really know.

The Power of Now
Are u defending ur right to be unconscious, ur right to suffer.
Don't worry, nobody is going to take that away from u.
Once u realise that a certain kind of food make u sick, would you carry on eating that food and keep on asserting that it is okay to be sick.

Soul - Father, u reall hit it on the nail. That's how I was feeling inside, although I wasn't aware until yday and now I know today.
I can't say I wil change after samyama. But I know for d next 2 weeks I will preservere without resistance.
RA - not jus not using control on the outer resistance but must also be aware of the inner resistance. Cos d friction is still there and RA will be activated. At least, I now go further into the root of RA.

The Power of Now
To complain is always the non-acceptance of what is. It invariably carries unconscious negative charge.
When u complain, u make urself into a victim.
When u speak out, u r in power.
So change the situation by taking action or by speaking out if necessary or possible'
Leave the situation or accept it. All else is madness.
You must choose now and then accept the consequences.
No excuses. No negativity. No psychic pollution. Keep ur inner space clean.

Soul - I have accepted it.

The Power of Now
If u take any action - leaving or changing ur situation - drop the negativity first, if at all possible. Action arising out of insight into what is required is more effective than action arising out of negativity.

Soul - I did it. When I wanted to quit. I let it simmer first n see if I really wanted after I calm down and I did. So I proceed.
This is similar to the advice I give V. He need to take stock of d negative situation first before making a decision.

The Power of Now
Any action is often better than no action, especially if u hav been stuck in an unhappy situation for a long time. If it is a mistake, at least u learn something, in which case its no longer a mistake. If u remain stuck, u learn nothing.
Is fear preventing u from taking action? Acknowledge the fear, watch it, take ur attention ino it, be fully present wit it. Doing so cuts the link between the fear and ur thinking.
Don't let fear rise up into ur mind. Use the power of Now. Fear cannot prevail against it.

Soul - this one not for ego person like me and V, but definitely for J.

52 days - 3 of Heart
I always says that meditation and food is equally important.
Now alas, I am facing a period whereby meditation has to come first and I m using control for execution and ignoring my feeling for Food. Now wonder immune system is acting up.

Which to choose?
Food is sure and tested and has been wit me since day 1.
Meditation while is joyful but require discipline and the outcome is uncertain unlike food. Meditation is stil new 1.5 years vs food of 43 years.
I can't decide.
For now due to Samyama, I hav to choose meditation. But I will acknowledge it is difficult and I am not happy cos I lost my old friend that gives me happiness everytime.


Feb 2 Afternoon
Father, thank u. Whenever m down, U wil pick me up.
Good sharing wit V. He talks abt doing the middle path is the more difficult as u need to do the balancing act.
The middle path is for me. And that's where I wan to lead others. Now I realised why I was havin a conflict. Reading Paramahansa led me to believe there is no hope for me in my middle path. And I am also not keen on Osho, the other extreme. And doing this diet for Samyama tells me that renunciation is not for me.
Mmm, perhaps that d reason for d sorrow, for me to find my own path.

1. Issue - sorrow
Sorrow can be times of transformation. But in order for transformation to happen, u must go deep, to the roots of ur pain and experience it as it is, without blame or self pity.

2. Internal influence - control
Controlled persons are always nervous because deep down turmoil is hidden. If u r uncontrolled, flowing, alive, then u r not nervous. U hav no expectations for the future.
To control the mind, one has to remain so cold and frozen that no life energy is allowed to move into ur limbs, into ur body. If energy is allowed to move, those repressions will suffice.

Soul - no wonder my meditation is getting duller.

3. External influence - Intensity
Avoid all the great words and great teachings as u hav to find your own source. You have not to be a follower. You have to find ur innermost core on ur own, wit no guide, no guiding scriptures. It is a dark night, but wit the intense fire of inquiry, u r bound to come to the sunrise.

Soul - my love for food. I wonder whether I hav my partner, I still love food. Yes, I will. Father, help me to look deeper.

4. What is needed for resolution - Integration
The conflict is in man. Unless it is resolved there, it cannot be resolved anywhere else. The politics is within u, it is between 2 parts of the mind, joined by a small bridge. If the bridge is strengthened so much that the 2 mind disappears, as two become one, then integration arises. The meeting of ying and yang; eagle and swan.
This is a card of self-creation, new life and mystical union, otherwise known as alchemy.

Soul - timely reminder. Perhaps my target in Samyama is to bridge the gap and not jus to release limitation. But perhaps its the same.

5. The resolution - Ordinariness.
Sometimes it happens tha u become one. You forgot ur split, u relax.
Whenever, in whatsoever situation, u become one, a peace, a happiness, a bliss, surrounds you, arises in u. You feel fulfilled.
The most mundane taks take on a sacred quality when they are performed wit ur total involvement, with love and for their own sake, without tot of recognition or reward.
Taking things easily and simply, one step at a time.

Soul - the Power of Now.

The Power of Now
If there is truly nothing that u can do to change ur here and now and u can't remove urself from the situation, accept all by dropping ur inner resistance.
Surrender. Only a surrendered person has spiritual power.

Soul _ jus now doing Shoonya, I felt relaxed and laughed a long time and I felt connected . It has been awhile.

The Power of Now
Stress is caused by being "here" but wanting to be "there" or being in the present but wanting to be in the future. As u move, work, run - do it totally. Enjoy the flow of Energy.
Observe ur mind. Smile at it as it want to move u to future.

Did my meditation n found m slowly connected back. And for the first time since veg, m looking forward to meditation. Amen. When I loosen myself wit d pork lard egg tart, I find myself happier and when I m happier, I look forward to the meditation.

Like what V said, d middle path is difficult cos hav to balance.
I think he is right, but there is little price to pay and d benefits is loads. So, what if I won't reach enlightenment. As long I live ok and I m aware, then things be fine.

Frankly, I think Paramahansa loads on d senses. Actually senses may not be food, ie, physical outlet but also include emotional, mental and material outlet. Recalling his autobiography, I recall he only like food. He isn't into emotional display. He is not into mental nor material display. Perhaps for him, is only food n sex.

Bhagavad Gita
Free from rivals
1. Proscription of Self discipline
1a. Prescription of Self discipline
2. Postures
3. Mastery of life energy
4. Mental interiorisation
5. Mental concentration
6. Meditation
7. Ecstasy.

Through yoga, the body become ripe with wisdom and spiritual power, and invulnerable to physical maladies through control over atomic vibrations, acquitrd by contracting in meditation, the cosmic vibration of Aum, the source of all powers of lie. This state is known as "gaining spiritual prosperity on earth".