Z - South Node in Leo

Sept 23

On not taking the job offer, yeap, my stand is still the same and I am feeling settled. Have some laugh during morning practice.

Father, thank U. This morning, I tot of Z. It takes 2 hands to clap and his doesn't clap. I am the Sun and if I don't act, we won't be together. I am not running yet but he is not coming, so cannot clap.

Now reading Cosmic Love.
Z's South Node in Leo
Leo Node people allow themselves to be constantly distracted by a myriad of outer activities: overwork; the television or music going all the time; hobbies that consume them; etc. It is almost as if they are running away from something. This distraction blocks intimacy because there's always somewhere else they have to be or something else they have to do. So the other person cannot be intimate because they're constantly being postponed.

Soul
Now I know why he is teaching me about Soul Mate relationship. He is teaching me all the things not to do. So alas, I was right not to take his lack of prioritisation of me as a reflection of my lovability. It is him that didn't want or cannot prioritise. So, I was right in not taking it personal.

South Node in Leo
The relationship goes to a superficial level because the native isn't really available or willing to create any real depth.
If he doesn't wakes up to what they are doing and chooses a different approach, the danger is that they can end up with no intimate attachments or sense of emotional satisfaction in their life.

Over time, the native"s life becomes superficial and doesn't bring them emotional satisfaction. The vitality that can be created by being fully present with another person isn't formed and the energy that originates when two people give their full attention to sharing core concerns and coming up with creative solutions isn't developed. As a result, the passion and power often leave their relationship.


Soul
Father, U always comes timely. I just had the tot that it takes two to clap and Z is not clapping, so how can we grow. I have initiated and clapped but he didn't respond or clap with me. Infact, when he realised he could be attach to me, he has stopped initiating any call to me since then.
Father, I think I may be ready to leave the rship. And this time is because I truly know I am worth it and I know its no point seeking love from someone that cannot give me love. He cannot even play, so we cannot develop into a real relationship.

I restarted with him because I tot there was no one around and I want to be wanted.
This time is not like the first time where I broke off out of breaking down because of my suppressed sadness and I didn't want to be rejected. This time is because I know I am lovable and I need hold on to someone who is not available. Father, I am glad. For the first time, I leave knowing I am lovable.
Mmm, another tot came. This Nodes actually affirm what the card said about his Dream is Eight of Heart - emotional power and his lifetime challenge is Six of Spades - destiny/purpose in life. Both this tools affirms each other. Father, thanks for showing me the link.

Mmm, I wonder whether this what this week Osho is about.
1. Issue - Healing
Nobody is interested in hurting u, nobody is positively waiting to hurt u; everybody is engaged in safeguarding his own wound.
In this attitude of openness and acceptance, we can be healed and help others also to be healthy and whole.

Soul - Father, I am healed. I am experiencing my worth.

2. Internal influence
Beyond illusion
Drop ur opinionated mind and move inside. There u can relax into ur deepest truth, where the difference between dreams and reality is already known.

Soul
I am lovable. I thank him for teaching me.

3. External influence
Comparisons
The way to find out who u r is not by comparing urself with others, but by looking to see whether u r fulfilling ur own potential in the best way u know how.

Soul
Yea, he was great for my learning. Now I know why I thanked him in my prayer.

4. What is needed for resolution
Success
Enjoy the peak while it lasts and then enjoy the valley when it comes. It is a relaxation. A peak is an excitement and nobody can exist continuously in an excitement.
If u keep this in mind, squeeze every drop of juice out of the happiness u r experiencing now, u will be able to take the future as it comes without regrets. But don't be tempted to try to hold it.
All phenomena in the parade of life, whether they be valleys or peaks, is that " this too will pass"

Soul
Yea. Sl said she cannot stand being alone. This whole week I stand being alone. I decided to try it and I am surprised I was fine.

5. Resolution
Aloneness
When there is no "significant other" in our lives, we can either be lonely or enjoy the freedom that solitude brings.
Be a light unto urself.
Ultimately, each of us must develop within ourselves the capacity to make our way through the darkness without any companions, maps or guide.
Soul
I am learning.

South Node in Leo
This negation of the emotional connection - with their own feelings and with their mate - often leads to other serious problems in their primary relationship.

(Nov 16 - I just send his SN in Leo to him. At first I hesitate as I tot I am asking him to change for me. But then I recalled that I am his life coach and it is for me to highlight. I have gained loads from him, hope he can recover some from me too.)