Resistant in going up

This morning, didn’t want to go up in my spiritual development. I only wanted to do meditation and to calm myself down. Didn’t think of getting enlighten? I don’t think I can give up things that I like
1. Difficult to get partner if into spiritual mode
2. Didn't wan to be so hard on myself by letting go of my food
3. Afraid I have more responsibility n no time for myself.

Father, suddenly I can see that these reasons are real similar to the ones whereby I don't want to go up in my career. Father, tell me more.

Jus now when doing exercise, I tot of what my Finance Manager said. She said that I have unconsciously crossed the Finance Head line and hence there is no more growth in Finance for me and hence I feel frustration and no growth. She encouraged me to move towards operations especially if we downsized.

Tot of me n my meditation. When I attend d meditation course, I wan only to silent my mind for a moment, little did I knew that I found my Soul. I finally saw the glimmer of orange light turning into white light. The other day at the Inner Engineering meditation, on 2nd day, when I was in light, I saw an eye. At first I tot it was an illussion, a play of light n try to blink it away but it stayed on for sometime.
Perhaps just like my career path, my spiritual path has exceeded my original aim and I am not willing to proceed ahead. I guess perhaps my trip to India has pushed me forward beyond my original aim.

Father, I still have resistant.