Finding my values and living by my own values

Sept 18 Eve

Still no response from him but I am fine. Perhaps this could be me still asking wrong thing or could be him shielding himself from me, a positive thing. If I am not a risk, he need not shield. Of cos, the mind said maybe not based on his South nodes in Leo. Well, I need to interpret what makes me feel good.

Of course mind did want to do a sommer sault and go back into shell but I said no.

And for the first time, when he is ready, I want to ask why he respond like that.

Also, I want to learn to discern his expressed needs. Once he did voice out that he wants to come over and I asked if he was serious and he said yes, but I told him nope and brush it off. He has never asked me since.

Last week, for the first time he asked to extend our stay. Again, I asked if he was serious as I tot he was fooling around. He said yes, but I just keep silent and ignored his question, which means I am not keen.

Father, I am learning. Mmm, in my case I open and close and move side way and later I open again. In his case, he open and closed permanently. He is my mirror and his fear of rejection is worse off than mine.

He always asked me what I like about him, what I like him to do, or be. For me, I never asked cos I just be myself. Even simple things like pyjama, I sense that he wanted lingerie but he never said so and I assumed he is fine with pyjama. Later, I wore a simple nightgown and he told me he like it and prefer that over pyjama.
Father, he seldom tells me what he doesn't like, whereas I had no qualms of telling him what I doesn't like.

The special moisturiser is working and my ankle skin is now nearly healed.

North Node in Taurus
The most important goal for Taurus to pledge themselves to their own values and build a sense of self worth.
They are learning that they can't establish self-worth by going along with others" values to gain validation, nor can they attain self-worth through resisting others' values. Either way, they lose.
They win when they discover what is truly important and precious to them; their own values. Self-worth will come as a by-product of living according to those values.

They recognise the truth of this but may still feel lost when it comes to knowing what their values are. And that's fine. They have a clean slate - a unique opportunity to get in touch with what is in the deepest level of their souls. The idea is to consciously discover what is important to them what values give them a sense of being grounded, confident and able to face the world without anxiety.

Soul
Reminds me of my 1st karma of Three of Diamonds and later me knowing my Top 5 by doing Passion Tests.

North Node in Taurus
Whenever they are uncertain which road to take; they can ask themselves,"Would taking this action make me feel good about myself, regardless of the consequence in the outer world?". If the answer is yes, they can proceed with confidence.

Soul
Yea, I am doing that these days. When they wanted me to have more responsibility in Isha. I learned to say nope, after having a dream in which I felt estatic for being selected as a promising author.

North node in Taurus
To further discriminate, "Does choosing this direction make me feel comfortable, or anxious?". When they choose to move in alignment with their comfort zone, they win; if they opt for anxiety, with no safety net, they lose.

"Is this path leading to inner peace or will it create more crisis?". Inner peace will lead to victory for them.

"Is my motive self-validation, or to gain validation of others?" Those pathways that validate the principles they think are inherently valuable and that give them a sense of self-esteem help them win.

Self empowerment
They are so accustomed to empowering others that they have forgotten how to empower themselves. In this lifetime, their challenge is to turn the spotlight and make themselves powerful.

This is a lifetime to take their power back, to use it for themselves rather than giving it away or sharing it in ways that are not responsible to themselves.

They should ask themselves what they want to build. What projects give them energy? Once they know what it is, they need to feed themselves support and encouragement.

These folks are learning not to waste energy, whether in the form of time, money or personal talents. Its very easy to divert their energy away from building comfort and security. They may even distract themselves, spending time doing anything else, because they don't feel confident in doing things to fill their own needs. Yet when they approach it on practical level and proceed step by step toward their goal, they gain assurance.

Soul
Yea, I was distracted by Sadhguru public talk, I was then disappointed with the lack of success or rather no success and tot I was above my head on my writing. I then turned to 7thunder readings. And now I am back on track. I need to empower myself and overcome my Saturn of Seven of Clubs, my Cosmic lesson of Seven of Spades and lifetime challenge of Seven of Hearts.

North Node in Taurus
They tend to be unwilling to give 100 percent of themselves. They hold back because they are afraid of failure and don't want to undermine their self worth.
Actually, if they do give 100 percent and don't attain their goal, they still feel good about themselves because they know they did their best.
But when they hold back and fail, they are never sure: "If I really had done my best, would I have succeeded?" and that does undermine their self-confidence.

Soul
Amen. Father, thank U for this. I tot I had to go Ashram to find my answers. Looks like I received what I asked for and very fast too. Amen.
Father, not sure why.

North Node in Taurus
Sometimes the best thing that can happen to these folks is to encounter a situation in which they are forced to do their best. When its all or nothing and they are forced to open up all the way, that's when they truly get in touch with their own power. And tremendous self-worth is born from it.

They are learning to recognise their own power - that it comes from within and is not dependent on anyone else. The idea is for them to do things that allow the power within to come forth naturally.

Devoting time to projects that make money for them or provide comfort or security is empowering for them.

They gain power when they have the courage to walk through difficult times and experience a positive outcome.

They gain power when they communicate what is truly important to them, regardless of others' opinions and see the situation turn out well.

When they step outside of society"s values and get in touch with their own values, they find power every time they are true to themselves.

Soul
Now I know why I need to overcome Seven of Club and Seven of Spades.
The Seven of Hearts was just a platform for me to overcome. Only my power in romantic relationship is an issue.
Father, thanks to Z for being the tool.

(Oct 2 - Father, i didn't hold back in my talk with Z. I declared my love for him. I also told him that I wanted a committed relationship. Since he cannot give me that, we have to discuss on an amicable exit plan.)