Tear down my amour

Sept 18

Dream
I am the most promising writer. The publisher want to train me. They asked an establish writer, a white guy that looked like Dean to guide me. I was ecstatic and shared with my family and friends.

I have not been following my dream. At least Ch has quit her job to do freelance. But for me, I don't have to quit. I just need to be hardworking.

Just finished my walk. Have a peace of mind, and I was singing intermittently whenever the beauty of grasses awed me. Father, I don't need another job. What I need is just to follow thru with my writing and 7thunder and helps out in Isha.

Afternoon
I have informed 2 core Isha members that I will handle frontal communication and also communication with teacher. But the rest, they will take the lead.
I am sure I want to do my writings. Coincidentally V finally replied on my write for readings and tools, so I am on the right track.
I commit to help Isha with promotion - frontal communication but I have to go back to my dream.

Today card
Six of Clubs
We become aware of a special purpose in our life, something to do with sharing higher knowledge with others. It has also been called the Way-Shower's Card.
Thus it can be a harbinger of an important mission for u, one which will lead u to a higher purpose and life style.

Soul
Amen.

I called Z for his running link. The old me would have clamped up cos he didn't reply my message. After reading his South Nodes in Leo, I got 2 choice. I could either be negative and suffer or I could be positive and take this opportunity to let go of my negative tots and not take it personally. No one can affects me unless I allow them to do so. I am improving.
When I called and no response. My first tot was he is sleeping and I even msg him. This a first for me. I also remember my card, The Fool. And I remember my Cosmic Lesson, Seven of Spades.
Instead of saying he is making me suffer and be my Pluto, I am turning it around and take charge of it. He may be an arrogant bastard and etc, but he is a good man and behind all, he just wants to be loved but don't know to get it...hence his dream of Eight of Hearts...reminds me of myself. Another mirror.

Father, I am tearing down my amour.

Father, I felt good after informing the 2 core volunteers that I am taking a stand back. My values are cleared. And both of them is willing to take up the responsibilities.
I have just compiled and written 7thunders profile and now compiling Firefly Vol 2 and I felt great.

Father, the restlessness is gone. I found my path, I just need to walk. As for Z, just take up challenge and open my amour. There is really nothing to lose. And I am learning to be in a relationship. He is my boyfriend now, eventhough it may be a secret. So, I just need to practice.

I realised I tend to comfort myself for the outcome that he didn't respond. I also project my action if he didn't respond. Why don't I project my response if he calls. Father, I want to over turn my negative tots. Let me stay on faith. Let me not go back.

Father, no response from him still. But I already got my cake. I compiled Firefly 2 and I think it looks great. Again the outcome is not external, not him. The outcome is internal, me. I am happy and fulfilled.