Dependency results in Defensiveness

Sept 21

When u think u r dependent on ur partner for love and happiness, u react whenever u didn't get or cannot have. Ur reaction is thru whatever defense mechanism that u have.

Just like ACIM, when u r dependent, u feel vulnerable and so u put up amour to protect. Whatever they did or didn't do, u will take it personally as it touch u.

If u know u r not dependent on ur partner for happiness. Then u r not affected and u don't take their response/non-response as personal to u. Then u don't have to put up amour to defend.
That's what meant by defenselessness is strength.

Z's tendency of clamping down through arrogance or his need to get his own way (his defense mechanism) have the result of giving rise to feeling of insecurity to his partner, which is me.

I can opt to see my insecurity and secure myself or blame him for my own insecurity and find another to give me security.

Well, I opt to face it myself. I am Light to myself. My happiness is up to me and not others. I need not find security. I am my own security. I need not defend myself. I am my own strength.

Thanks to Sl and Cosmic Lesson with Z.
Z's South Node in Leo is strong.

I also realised it is fine if we never bond. I don't need to measure the success of Cosmic on that. I need not hold myself back for that either. The bonding part comes naturally with the right partner.


My text with C
Text to C
Hi. Reading Nodes in Leo; which is Z's South Node. So, truly like him. No wonder he is my Cosmic Lesson, as he trigger all my Sevens :)

Response from C
So you are having an exciting albeit challenging relationship journey. Have fun ;)

Reply from Soul
I can now see that no matter how great we r together, he won't give us a chance. He is too fixed. So, my game plan is confirmed correct. I continue to use this rship to create my own security; overcome my Seven of Hearts. :)

My Pluto with him. Confirm cannot change him. So change me instead

Response from C
Wow...Using non-money related relationship to create own security. The first that I heard of HAHA Nice ;)

Response from Soul
I meant emotional security cos there is a feeling of lack in me. Financially I am already secured. My financial lesson is to create more money. :)

Soul
Father, yesterday reading the attributes of Nodes in Leo; this is Z to the nail.
When Z is dating a person and the fire dies or was never there to begin with - his instinctive response may be to leave the rship without explanation. This can cause emotionally distressing reactions in the other person: confusion, distrust of the opposite sex, feelings of personal inadequacy ... sometimes Leos don't realise how unfair or hurtful they can be.
They also don't like to fight. They may be experts at provoking fights, but when it comes to getting into the trenches and hashing out an emotionally charged issue, their tendency is to withdraw. They either sit in silence, "tuning out" the other person (which makes their partner mad) or they leave the situation to avoid dealing with it. They can be like ostriches - sticking their heads in the sand, hoping the problems will simply go away.
They think that because they are not participating in the drama around them, it's not their fault if the relationship becomes negative. Yet their lack of participation often breaks the hearts of those who want to love them.

Soul
Exactly like Z. I can't change him so, I change myself. Instead of lamenting about him, of him creating feelings of insecurity in me, I challenged myself to find my own security within me. Alas, I found it. Alas, I knew I cannot depend on anyone for my happiness. They cannot give me, they have their own wounds, their own amour. It is my destiny for Self Mastery and I have the courage to pursue and strength to feel secure and happy within me.

South Nodes in Leo
When these folks pull out of a situation, they become inaccessible. Then, when they think the emotional intensity has diminished, they return and act as though nothing happened. The problem is that they begin to accumulate a bad history with the people around them. The unresolved problems build up, and eventually their partners withdraw emotionally or physically from the relationship because of the unresolved tension. Others may think that these people don't care about them because of their lack of generosity in responding to others' emotional needs.

They fail to recognise crisis can be a focal point that draws two people closer in an intimate bond of understanding and emphaty.

If Leos take the energy they put into withdrawing and being miserable, and put it into becoming involved and creating happiness, it becomes a win for everyone.

Soul
Exactly.
With me, whenever I am angry with him, I make sure he is aware cos I am a Fixer.
I am fine with confrontation as I knew it bring us closer.

I didn't knew he needs energy to withdraw. Yea, he should participating. Clearly can be seen in his relationship with his ex.

Father, my happiness is in my hand. No one can give me, no one can take away from me. I only give happiness to myself and I can give abundance, never ending happiness.
This realisation is similar with I alone determine my lovability.

Amen. I am healed. I am whole. Finally I am experiencing this;
Aloneness is the presence of oneself. Aloneness is very positive. It is a presence, overflowing presence. U r so full of presence that u can fill the whole universe with ur presence and there is no need for anybody.
Be a light unto yourself

Father, I have found my Light. I am secure.

Father, I realised now the difference being knowing and experiencing. Knowing is knowledge. Experiencing is truth for me. That's where my stories comes in. Like C, she read and know loads but doesn't apply and hence didn't experience it and is not truth for her. I have always been an Applicator. And my learning helps to create teaching to the World is to apply, to practice so all the knowledge u have become ur experience, becomes ur truth.