Spiritual journey is not only upward and instead it is both upward and downward

Sri Aurobindo
Everything has its inevitable place and not only nothing can be cut out, but perhaps nothing is more important or less important.
Each stumbling lights up a flame of suffering and, as it were, bores an opening of light down below; each weakness is a call for strength, as if the force of the fall were the very force of the ruse; each imperfection is a hollow for rounded fullness - there is no sins, no errors, only infinite miseries that compel us to explore the full expanse of our kingdom and to embrace everything in order to heal everything and fulfill everything.

Through a crack in our armor, a love and pity for the world have entered, which none of our radiant purities can ever understand - purity is impregnable, it is barricaded, sealed like a concrete; a gap is needed for the Truth to come in!

Soul - Father, thank you for restoring my faith. Its been awhile but I am back. This past 10 mth has been a test on my gap. I have seldom allowed my weakness to be expressed - emotion, work.
I used to take pride that I don't have to care or work on my weakness cos I am confident of my strength.
In reality, I didn't have to work on it cos I never let it come out, so how to work. Real confidence wld be allow the weakness to be shown n accepted.
So now that I faced n finally accept my strength, I find myself humbled and more emphatetic of others whose weakness r my strength. I also find myself loving myself cos by accepting my weakness
Thru this all, I finally faced my weakness.

Sri Aurobindo
There is a truth of Love behind evil
As if all this Shadow had been needed so that Love may be born.
Once we have suffered all and understood all, we r to incarnate perfect Love and Joy.

Soul - yeah, agreed as I always believe evil is just fear and behind fear is love.
Below is what I know;
1. Anger
2. Hurt
3. Guilt
4. Fear
5. Love

Me allowing my weakness make me feel more loving towards myself. Since I finally allow my weakness, I think I then too can allow for other weakness - being loving.

Sri Aurobindo
The law of descent is not the a law of sin or fall or repentance. It is a Premeditation that pulls us downward and upward at the same time.
As we advance, the superconscient line recedes upward, while the subsconscient line recedes downward. Everything is broadened and illumined.
The nearer we draw to the Summit, the more we touch the Bottom.

Soul - At first, with my pride I tot the spiritual journey is to go upward towards heaven. Then I discover that there is a dark side that we need to pass thru in order to reach heaven. So, I preserve in all my lessons/challenges and overcome my fear. It wasn't easy and I did succeed. But then I realised the lesson is neverending depth and I become tired. The one lesson that always elude me is non acknowledgement of weakness n has gone on for couple of years. I wasn't able to find any answer and began to despair.
After I found n practice yoga kriya, I become more sensitive n miserable. I began to wonder abt this path n was thinking if I am sinful and God was punishing me and if this spiritual journey is not heavenward but repentance n found myself even more sadder n clamouring to find a way out of my misery.
Alas, God send me Sri Aurobindo to inform me that the spiritual journey is not upward and infact it is both upward and downward.
Sadhguru also said a true seeker's goal is to annihilate himself n hence would welcome downward turn evenmore.
I also gather from Sri Aurobindo that the upward and downward (ascent and descent) is to enable an expansion of self to become a Self n be more Loving.

When we hide our weakness, we become smaller than we actually are.
When we show our weakness, we expanded and become bigger.