Being authentic me - the most sensible choice

Feb 8
Father, at least I didn't have any tot abt office until yday nite. Even then, there were no worries.

Soul
The Power of Now says of some people who can't access the inner body becos they feel negative emotion such as anger, agitation, fear, grief
Whereas for me, when I access my inner body. I felt calm, grounded and safe. I guess all my negative emotion were expressed during the past 1.5 years of meditation, break up from guru pooja, followed by Shoonya n the remnants handled by hatha yoga. I jus felt contentment inside.

The Power of Now
Attention is the key to transformation - and full attention also implies acceptance.
Attention is like a beam of light - the focused power of ur consciousness that transmutes everything into itself.

Soul
Today I saw d massive jam n I tot the simplest thing in life is jam. No need to act, jus move along and with that I find myself calm when I arrived at office, despite 1.5 hours on d road that normally takes 0.5 hours. There was this guy infront of me who is slow n always let people cut in. I horn him twice and when I finally cut in to another lane, I looked at him. Something I wouldn't have done. I jus be scolding inside d car.

The Power of Now
In a fully functional organism, an emotion has a short life span. It is like a momentary ripple or wave on the surface of ur Being.
When u r not in ur body, however, an emotion can survive inside u for days or weeks, or join wit other emotions of similar frequency that have merged and become the pain-body, a parasite that can live inside u for years, feed on ur energy, lead to physical illness and make ur life miserable.

Forgiveness is to offer no resistance to life - to allow life to live through u. The alternatives is pain and suffering, a greatly restricted flow of life energy and in many cases, physical disease.
The moment u truly forgive, u hav reclaimed ur power from the mind.

Soul
I asked Osho. Since I have decided on d middle path. Jus be me. Forget abt enlightenment. Forget abt being great. Jus be me. Jus be happy.
The last few weeks forcing myself on strict vege makes me depressed and I wasn't even aware and then my left hand fingers swell and I knew something wrong. And then I asked myself and got a reply that Inner Me doesn't wan strict veg. Inner me jus wan to be and savour d food. Don't want to controlled. With that, I acknowledge n went for non-veg restaurant, albeit order veg dishes, and I become happy again. Equilibrium restored.

This friday goin to India and tot of my choice - Status quo and be happy, be nobody, jus learn d tools I wan to learn to heal myself. Don't have to think of others. Jus healed myself. Jus gather the knowledge cos I enjoy it or To proceed with more intense spiritual and may become somebody.

Status quo
1. New intellectual understanding becomin available to me if I status quo

The greatest miracle
The mind is always hankering. The mind is always desiring something to happen. Sometimes for money, to hav more money, bigger house, more respectability, more power.
(Soul - rich partner)
Then when u turn to spirituality; the mind still remains the same. Now u wan to have more pyschic power - telephaty, clairvoyance and all sorts of nonsense. The mind remains the same - want more.

Soul - true. I am slowly but surely away and now taking charge of my mind instead of it taking charge of me.

2. What wil happen in the world of feelings when I don't change.
Misuse of power. The only antidote for the misuse of psychic power is love; otherwise all power corrupts.
Soul - possible as I use my knowledge to my benefit. I also may not be willing to help or even look down at others. I still have not cultivated the compassionate feeling yet. I guess this is my journey of Ace of diamong - to love myself or others.

3. Manifestation as a consequnce of my choice to be status quo.
Enlightenment
Whatsoever u do, do it wit deep alertness, then even small thing become sacred.
It is not within ur hands, once u become enlightened u will have to enter into the universal source of life. It is not a question of ur choice or decision.

Soul - I am on d mode of alertness and I know wit regular practice, I will be master of my mind. while I wan to be status quo. I also know that I be growing spiritually. First instance was d hatha yoga, second is 40 days veg for samyama. Everything jus compel me along. I told P, I can't say that I choose, I just fell into it. I had no choice.

Follow the Spiritual course
1. What new intellectual understanding will become available to me should I make this choice
Transmutation - Atisha's heart meditation
Pain is natural; it has to be understood. It has to be accepted. Because naturally we avoid it. Hence many people have avoided the heart, and are hung up in the head, they live in the head.
The heart give pain, true, but only because it can give pleasure - that's why it gives pain.
Pain is the way that pleasure arrives
Agony, the door that ecstasy enters.
If one is aware of it, one accepts the pain as a blessing.
Then suddenly the quality of the pain immediately starts changing.
You are no longer antagonistic to it and because u r no longer antagonistic to it, it is no longer pain; it is a friend.
It is a fire that is going to cleanse you.
It is a transmutation, a process, in which the old will go and the new will arrive, in which the mind will disappear and the heart will function in its totality. Then life is a benediction.

Soul - pain is what I fear most. Pain of body, pain of my heart. Fear of pain from rejection is why I keep to myself. Pain from failure is why I don't explore my spiritual path. Looks like I do hav to continue if I wan to transmute my fear of pain.
Pain is what prevent me from being vulnerable and make me not compassionate and hence may misuse my power.

Suffering is blessing is my motto. But I guess m not followin it when it comes to my heart.

I confess even I am not as confident to master my mind over d partner thingy. In work, yea. In dealing wit people, yea. Perhaps that's why I still have to continue. Samyama is jus another signpost. The journey continue.


Atisha's meditation;
Breathe in all the miseries of the people in the world. All the darkness, all the negativity, all the hell that exists anywhere and anytime, past present or future, u r breathing it in. And let it be absorbed in ur heart.

Breathe out all the joys that u have, all the blissfulness that u hav, all the benediction that u have.
Breathe out, pour urself into existence.

This is the method of compassion.

Soul - exactly what I need. I jus mention about my lack of compassion moments ago.

Atisha's heart meditation
Drink in all of the suffering and pour out the blessings. And u wil be surprised if u do it. The moment u take all the sufferings inside u, they are no longer sufferigs. The heart immediately transforms the energy. The heart is a transforming force; drink in misery and it is transformed into blissfulness ... then pour it out.
Once u learn that ur heart can do this magic, this is miracle, u would do it again and again.

Soul - I have experienced this time and time again. Not sure abt breathing in the world suffering. But I brought in my suffering at work, suffering in spiritualit)y, suffering due to my cousin and I wld be crying, wailing but moments later I be laughing.
But I have never tries with my pain on relationship. I never truly truly have one. I never truly gave my heart. And hence I never truly experience pain. I hav jus scratched the surface. There is a saying, how much u love someone, is how much u pain. Can't say I have cos I always keep a part of me back. The part that can't allow me to be truly vulnerable.
I never tried to feel pain of rship, mainly m not in one right now, secondly felt that it is not justifiable as I don't have major grievances. And thirdly, I jus wan to switch it off.

Wil try to feel my pain on this matter during meditation.

2. The emotional influences arising from u growing wit ur spiritual path. What wil happen in ur world of feelings.
Authenticity - Milarepa and the false teacher.
The real thing is not a path. The real thing is the authenticity of the seeker.
You can travel on any path.
If u r sincere and authentic, u will reach the goal.
Your authenticity brings you back home, nothing elses.
All path are secondary. The basic thing is to be authentic, to be true.

Soul - yeah! Authentice means being real, being true to myself. Being real to what I am able to do instead of following others blindly.
The more I walked, the more I know that as long as I am sincere, I need not follow others path.
It is me that I hav to be honest wit. It is my path and not another.
This also give me the confidence that my middle path is fine.

3. Manifestatuon indicates the broader changes in ur life or understanding are likely to result as a consequence of ur choice to continue to grow spiritually

Desire - the magical begging bowl.
When u desire something, ur joy depends on that something.
If it is taken away, u r miserable.
If it is given to u, u r happy. But only for a moment!
That too has to be understood.
Whenever ur desire is fulfilled, it is only for the moment that u feel joy.
It is fleeting, because once u got it, again the mind starts desiring for more, for something else.
Mind exists in desiring, mind can never leave u without desire.
If u r without desire, mind dies immediately. That's the whole secret of meditation.

Have u tot of ur own begging bowl? Everything disappears - prestige, power, respectability, riches and your begging bowl goes on opening its mouth for more. And the "more" takes u away from this.
The desire, the longing for something else takes u away from this moment.

There are only 2 kinds of people in the world
1. The majority are running after shadows; their begging bowls will remain with them till they enter their graves.

2. A very small minority, one in a million, stops running, drops all desires, asks for nothing - and suddenly he finds everything within himself.

Once u have looked into the implications of the two alternatives - turn the first card over for an insight on what the choiceless awareness migh be.

Worth - on the virtue of worthlessness
Move in the world as if u r not. Remain unknown.
Don't try to be first.
Don't be competitive.
Don't try to prove ur worth. There is no need. Remain useless and enjoy

Soul - I will continue to grow but I will be true to my own path. If its doesn't lead me to anywhere, it doesn't matter cos I will remain in happiness.