Love/Hate relationship

Feb 10
Father, d veg period is nearly over. And I am getting happier. Looking forward to explore all my food hunts. There is also many more restaurants to explore. I m also happier during meditation.

The Power of Now.
Most people pursue physical pleasures or various form of psychological gratification because they believe that those things will make them happy or free them from a feeling of fear or lack.
This is a search for salvation from a state of unsatisfactoriness or insufficiency.
Invariably, any satisfaction that they obtain is short-lived, so the conditions or fulfillment is usually projected once again to an imaginary point away from the here and now.
This is the unconscious mind-set that creates the illusion of salvation in the future.

Soul - yea. Used to be work and now if I acknowledge it wld be rship.

The Power of Now
True salvation is fulfillment, peace, life in all its fullness.
It is to be who u r, to feel within u the good that has no opposite, the joy of Being that depends nothing outside itself. (Soul _ yeap, just closing my eyes, I am conneced and felt the joy of just being. People says cry themselves to sleep; I laugh myself to sleep)

The Power of Now
It is felt not as a passing experience but as an abiding presence.
It is to "know God" - not as something outside yourself but as an inseparable part of the timeless and formlessness One Life from which all that exists derive its being.
True salvation is a state of freedom - from fear, from suffering, from perceived state of lack and insufficiency and therfore from all wanting, needing, grasping and clingihg.
It is freedom from compulsive thinking, from negativity, and above all from past and future as a psychological need.
Your mind is telling u that u cannot get there from here. Something need to happen or u need to become this or that before u can be freed and fulfilled.
It is infact saying u need time - time to find, sort out, do, achieve, acquire, become or understand something before u can be free or complete.
You see time as the means to salvation, whereas in truth it is the greatest obstacle to salvation.
You think u can't get there from where and who u are at this moment because u r not yet complete or good enough, but the truth is that here and now is the only point where u can get there.
You "get" there by realising that u r already there.
You find God the moment that u realise that u don't need to seek God.
So there is no only way to salvation
Any condition can be used, but no particular condition is needed.
However, there is only one point of access; the Now.
There can be no salvation away from this moment.
You are lonely and without a partner? Enter the Now from there.
You are in a relationship? Enter the Now from there.
There is nothing u can ever do or attain that will get u closer to salvation than it is at this moment.
This may be hard to grasp for a mind accustomed to thinking that everything worthwhile is in the future.
Nor can anything that u ever did or that was done to u in the past prevent u from saying yes to what is and taking ur attention deeply into Now.
You cannot do this in the future.
You do it now or not at all.

Soul - lots of info
First thing that strike me was d fact that part of me still wan a partner. Although I know it is not for enlightenment. According to colleague, u get a partner for mental, physical, emotional or materials. She says she wan d emotion.
How abt me, I wld say physical and perhaps material. Both also important cos my physical include materials. I wld say d partner thingy is mor for enjoyment. But who knows, perhaps its jus me who don't wan to commit. And part of me also don't wan to try cos unfortunately I stil believe there may be pain. But of cos Osho says with pain comes pleasure. With agony comes ecstasy. Mmmm, not sure I believe that. I guess d real part is abt being vulnerable, being to face possibilities of non-acceptance n then it wld shake my exposed belief that m not lovable. The thing is I don't wan to be sad. I don't wan to risk my peace n comfort zone. So, now wonder cannot get, smile.
Of cos, now I know m loved by God and by myself. Loved by partner still vague.

The Power of Now
Love/Hate relationships.
Unless and until u access the consciousness frequency of presence, all relationships and particularly intimate relationships, are deeply flawed and ultimately dysfunctional.
They may seem perfect for a while, such as when u r in love, but invariably that apparent perfection gets disrupted as arguments, conflicts, dissatisfaction, and emotional or even physical violence occur with increasing frequency.
It seems that most love relationship become love/hate rship before long.
Love can turn into savage attack, feelings of hostility, or complete withdrawal of affection at the flick of a switch. This is considered normal. The rship then oscillates between love/hate, giving pleasure/pain and this drama can make some rships feel alive.
When d balance is lost, and the negative destructive cycle occur wit increasing frequency and intensity, then it will not be long before the rship finally collapses.
The pain/pleasure is mutually interdependent. You cannot have one without the other.

Soul - that's exactly why I don't wan to explore. Cos I know its not going to turn out well especially since I hav not heal my childhood abandoment issue.

Love/hate of a romantic love
The positive already contains within itself the as yet unmanifested negative.
Both are infact different aspects of the same dysfunction.
True love, which has no opposite, arises from beyond the mind
True love as a continuous state is as yet very rare - as rare as conscious human being.

Question
Why should we become addicted to another person - romantic love?
Answer
The reason why the romantic relationship is such an intense and universally sought-after experience is that it seems to offer liberation from a deep-seated stated of fear, need, lack and incompleteness that is part of the human condition in its unredeemed and unenlightened state.
There is a physical as well as a psychological dimension to this state.
On a physical level, u r obviously not whole, nor will u ever be. Sexual union is the closest u can get to the state of wholeness. That is why it is the most deeply satisfying experience the physical realm can offer. But sexual union is no more than just a glimpse of wholeness, an instant of bliss.
On the psychological level, the sense of lack and incompleteness is, if anything, even greater than on the physical level.
As long as u r identified with the mind, u hav an externally derived sense of self.
That is to say, you get ur sense of who u r from the things that ultimately has nothing to do with who u are; ur social role, possessions, external appearance, successes and failures, belief systens, and so on.
This false, mind-made self, the ego, feels vulnerable, insecure, and is always seeking new things to identify to give it a feeling that it exists.
But nothing is ever enough to give it lasting fulfillment.
Its fear remains; its sense of lack and neediness remain.

Soul - I know. I don't wan this issue to arise as I don't like it. It makes me feel small.

Love/hate
But then the special relationship comes along. It seems to be the answer to all the ego's problems and to meet all its needs. At least this is how it appears at firts. All the other things that u derived ur sense of self from before, now become relatively insignificant. You now have a focal point that replaces them all, gives meaning to ur life and through which u define ur identity; the person u r "in love" with.
The fact that the center is outside u and that, therefore, u still have an externally derived sense of self does not seem to matter at first.
What matters is that the underlying feeling of incompleteness, of fear, of lack and fulfillment, so characteristic of egoic state are no longer there - or are they?
Have they dissolved, or do they continue to exist underneath the happy surface reality.
You cannot love ur partner one moment and attack him or her the next. True love has no opposite.
If ur "love" has an opposite, then it is not love but a strong ego-need for a more complete and deeper sense of self, a need that the other person temporarily meets.
It is the ego's substitute for salvation and for a short time it almost does feel like salvation.
Just as with every addiction, you are on a high when the drug is available, but invariably there comes a time when the drug no longer works for u.
When those painful feelings reappear, u feel them even more strongly than before and what is more, u now perceive your partner as the cause of those feelings. This means that u project them outward and attack the other with all the savage violence that is part of ur pain.

Soul
Mmm, don't really recall this. In my case, I normally blame myself.
Infact, I used to wonder why d other women can get away wit it. Why they lashed on their partner n they still take it?
Perhaps that's why I don't lash cos if they do, I won't take it either.
Tot of CEO, she can't stand to see lifeless/no response/no smile/dullness/any negative emotion. That's means she has them.

Love/hate
This attack may awaken the partner's own pain and he or she may counter your attack.
At this point, the ego is still unconsciously hoping that its attack or its attempts at manipulation will be sufficient punishment to induce ur partner to change their behaviour so that it can use them again as a cover-up for ur pain.

Soul - tot of my sis always scolding and at times beating her son. Always says when will d son change his behaviour. I wonder whether if love/hate also applies to relationship between parents/children.

The Power of Now
Every addiction arises from an unconscious refusal to face and move through ur own pain. Every addiction starts wit pain and ends wit pain.

Soul
People use to say food is my addiction. Actually these 40 days of veg. I know that food is not my addiction. I enjoy food, yea. But I am not addicted.
People also says I substitute food for sex. Perhaps, but whatever it is, the 40 days confirmed that I don't have addiction since there is no pain. Jus feel bit pitiful that I can't enjoy d various food available.
Jus now shoonya, I was laughing throughout. If I m not mistaken, this wld be one of the most laughing session of shoonya.

The Power of Now
Intimate relationship do not cause pain and unhappiness. They bring out the pain and unhappiness that is already in u. Every addiction does that. Every addiction reaches a point where it does not work for u anymore, and then u feel the pain more intensely.
Avoidance of relationships in an attempt to avoid pain is not the answer either. The pain is there anyway.
Three failed relationships in as many years are more likely to force u into awakening than 3 years on a desert island or shut away in ur room.
But if u could bring intesne presence into ur aloness, that would work for u too.

Soul
Mmm, not sure if can heed this call. Easier to ignore and run.

The Power of Now
To disidentify from the pain-body is to bring presence into the pain and thus trasmute it.
To disidentify from thinking is to be the silent watcher of ur tots and behaviour, especially the repetitive patterns of ur mind and the roles play by the ego.

Soul - a tot came. May be too arrogant. Since there is no more pain in me, only laughter and joy. Perhaps now is d time for intimate rship and I need not worry abt the negative feeling that may arise. Need worry abt the judgments.

The Power of Now
First u stop judging urself; then u stop judging ur partner.
The greatest catalyst for change in a relationship is complete acceptance as he is or she is, without needing to judge him.
Love is a state of Being
Your love is not outside; it is deep within you.
You can never lose it and it cannot leave u.
It is not dependent on some other body, some external form.
You look beyond the veil of form and separation.
What is God?
The eternal One Life underneath all the forms of life.
What is love?
To feel the the presence of that One Life deep within urself and within all creatures. To be love. Therefore, all love is the love of God.
　
There may be one person who reflects your love back to you more clearly and more intensely than others; and if that person feels the same toward you, it can be said that u r in a love relationship wit him or her.

Soul
Mmm, something similar to 3 of heart.
Loving someone cos he reflect our love for ourselves.

The power of Now
Love cannot flourish unless u r permanently free of mind identification and ur presence is intense enough to have dissolved the pain-body - or you can at least remain present as the watcher. The pain-body cannot then take u over and so become destructive of love.

Evening
Watch d korean drama. Her wishful thinking was like mine too. I hav been there. Mind can play tricks.
Today, mom told me tomorro she is cooking chicken rice and asked me what I shall eat tomorro. At first I told her pack veg food for me, then I said nevermind, I will eat fast noodle. I then realised my family also change their diet for me.
Then in d evening, 2 green veg dishes. Mom said becos of me, the family stop eating garlic. They miss it. I realised how much they love me.
I will buy them lunch at my favourite restaurant. My family really loves me.