May 19
Father, I did my practice today. It was fine.
I went for a swim. It was great. Very smooth and I graduated to 2nd lane. I swam 2nd lane throughout. There was 3 guys swimming towards me and start to feel afraid cos I got no room to move but I told myself don't panic and stay still. I did, I just stay still and focus on floating, I was fine.
(1 July 2012)
Soul
It is irony, when we are afraid, we goes into self-defense mode. When the situation is beyond our control, we go into anxiety mode...and then self-jeopardy sets in.
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Spirituality - take out ur resistance and just flow with life!
May 18
Father, I woke at 4.15 am. There were some reluctance of doing hata or rather of waking up early. Tot of other people only doing shambavi and here I include hata and shakti and breathing. But if I cancel breathing, samyama is affected. Anyway, loads of tots, one thing in my mind, I got RA and I need to keep my joints healthy. Anyway, have to put alarm back to 4 am as I tend to doze off after practices. Today I must be tired as I doze off after hata and meditation.
Father, let me keep my practices. It is good for me. I had a dream of driving on a path full of greenery and the greens grew more and more beautiful each day. To me, this is the right track and my awareness of nature has arise.
Sadhguru
When u r on the spiritual path, u do not think about mastery; u think about freedom.
U need to understand freedom and bondage are two edges of the same sword. If u swing it this way, it is freedom; if u swing that way, it is bondage. Love and hate are encapsulated in each other. Life and death are included in each other.
If they are separate, u could have easily dealt with them, but they are always within each other. If u try to avoid death, the only thing that u will end up avoiding is life.
Everything is one inside the other. And if u look at it, everything is just within u. It seems to be so complex, but at the same time it is absolutely simple. The play of the five elements is so complex; at the same time, the key is u. The core of u is the key. If u pull the plug, it just collapses and u r free from it. If u want to gain mastery over it, then u have to ask urself what it is u r seeking.
If u become free from these 5 elements, then u live a truly blessed life here, because they do not rule u anymore. This is not mastery; this is freedom.
We are not trying to control existence; we want to be free from it, so that we can really enjoy the way it is and also go beyond that.
Soul
Last sathsang, I created myself, Happy, Loving and Free. Now I don't want self mastery, I just want to be able to ignore what's ever in me. Just be free of all and do whatever makes me happy.
Sadhguru
Our whole effort here is to make sure that u walk through life very much on the ground. It is to make sure that u can walk through life. No matter what happens with ur life, no matter what kind of situations u face, u go through life untouched, like a child, as if u r just born. However many things happen in ur life, it doesn't matter. Even if everything goes dead wrong and every day is a crisis, u still go untouched through life. This is miracle.
Soul
Exactly my this week Osho - Ripeness
Only if ur meditation has brought u a light that shines in every night will even death not be death to u but a door to the divine.
With the light in ur heart, death itself is transformed into a door and u enter into the universal spirit, u become one with the ocean.
Father, I woke at 4.15 am. There were some reluctance of doing hata or rather of waking up early. Tot of other people only doing shambavi and here I include hata and shakti and breathing. But if I cancel breathing, samyama is affected. Anyway, loads of tots, one thing in my mind, I got RA and I need to keep my joints healthy. Anyway, have to put alarm back to 4 am as I tend to doze off after practices. Today I must be tired as I doze off after hata and meditation.
Father, let me keep my practices. It is good for me. I had a dream of driving on a path full of greenery and the greens grew more and more beautiful each day. To me, this is the right track and my awareness of nature has arise.
Sadhguru
When u r on the spiritual path, u do not think about mastery; u think about freedom.
U need to understand freedom and bondage are two edges of the same sword. If u swing it this way, it is freedom; if u swing that way, it is bondage. Love and hate are encapsulated in each other. Life and death are included in each other.
If they are separate, u could have easily dealt with them, but they are always within each other. If u try to avoid death, the only thing that u will end up avoiding is life.
Everything is one inside the other. And if u look at it, everything is just within u. It seems to be so complex, but at the same time it is absolutely simple. The play of the five elements is so complex; at the same time, the key is u. The core of u is the key. If u pull the plug, it just collapses and u r free from it. If u want to gain mastery over it, then u have to ask urself what it is u r seeking.
If u become free from these 5 elements, then u live a truly blessed life here, because they do not rule u anymore. This is not mastery; this is freedom.
We are not trying to control existence; we want to be free from it, so that we can really enjoy the way it is and also go beyond that.
Soul
Last sathsang, I created myself, Happy, Loving and Free. Now I don't want self mastery, I just want to be able to ignore what's ever in me. Just be free of all and do whatever makes me happy.
Sadhguru
Our whole effort here is to make sure that u walk through life very much on the ground. It is to make sure that u can walk through life. No matter what happens with ur life, no matter what kind of situations u face, u go through life untouched, like a child, as if u r just born. However many things happen in ur life, it doesn't matter. Even if everything goes dead wrong and every day is a crisis, u still go untouched through life. This is miracle.
Soul
Exactly my this week Osho - Ripeness
Only if ur meditation has brought u a light that shines in every night will even death not be death to u but a door to the divine.
With the light in ur heart, death itself is transformed into a door and u enter into the universal spirit, u become one with the ocean.
Spirituality means breaking the bubble
May 17
Father, I woke feeling not so tired but just don't feel like doing hata. I slept back and woke up 5.30 am to do my meditations. It was quite good despite no electricity.
I felt much happier. Of course I tot of doing alternate day hata. But I remember my health. So, let's just do and when I really don't want to, don't.
Sadhguru
The essence of spiritual process needs to be understood as a means to generate the necessary intensity to break the bubble, so that u r out of ur individual nature. It is not about being ethical, not about being moral. These things may all happen as a result, as a consequence. Once u have broken the bubble and known the freedom of experiencing everything as urself, as a consequence u may function as a good person in society. But u have no particular intention of being good!
Soul
Great. For me, I just want to break free to be my True Self, whatever it may be.
Sadhguru
What we call "mad" is someone who has become different. He has crossed the barriers. Unless madness happens when he somehow breaks what u cannot break. It does not matter what kind of circus is happening in ur life, still there is one part of ur mind which is thinking clearly. When that goes away, u r mad. If that does not go away, u will never know moments of ecstasy, u will never know moments of love, u will never know moments of utter peace.
If that part of ur mind does not go away, u will not know meditation, u will not know love, u will not know dance, u will not know music. You will not know anything of life.
You will only know body and mind.
If something beyond has to happen, somehow the logical thinking has to go.
Soul
Father, when I reach Sadhguru, I already knew my mind was shit. I knew I needed a new avenue, the Energy and I give myself to it.
The old me won't buy a new car. The old me won't buy a big car. The old me won't be able to break off from volunteering in Isha. The old me won't be with Z. The old me won't stay with Z. The old me won't join new company.
The old me won't do late lunch. The old me won't reject offer for a good meal
The old me won't wake up 4 am
The old me won't dare to skip my practice.
The old me won't be focused on happiness, it be focusing on price to pay.
The old me won't grow willingly.
Sadhguru
Enlightenment is beyond logic; there is no logic there. U cannot mess with it anymore, because there is nothing to mess with.
When there is nothing, then everything flows through u. Whatever has to happen in this existence, it has to flow through u. U become the gateway. There is nothing that can escape ur grasp, if u r willing. If u have the inclination, everything is within ur grasp.
Soul
This is similar to my this week Osho - internal influence
Existence
Existence needs u.
Once u r clean and clear, u can see tremendous love falling on u from all dimensions.
Diamond Heart - Book 1
The more u know about urself, the freer u r from ur false personality. U have more capacity to cope with ur emotional reactions and the situations in ur life if u know the truth about them.
If u understand ur fears, angers and hurt, in time, this understanding will se u free from them. The reactions of ur personality will not have the same power and tenacity as before. U will experience more and more freedom and expansion. U will be more free to feel urself, more free in ur actions and in ur interactions about other. This is what it means; The truth will set u free.
Father, I woke feeling not so tired but just don't feel like doing hata. I slept back and woke up 5.30 am to do my meditations. It was quite good despite no electricity.
I felt much happier. Of course I tot of doing alternate day hata. But I remember my health. So, let's just do and when I really don't want to, don't.
Sadhguru
The essence of spiritual process needs to be understood as a means to generate the necessary intensity to break the bubble, so that u r out of ur individual nature. It is not about being ethical, not about being moral. These things may all happen as a result, as a consequence. Once u have broken the bubble and known the freedom of experiencing everything as urself, as a consequence u may function as a good person in society. But u have no particular intention of being good!
Soul
Great. For me, I just want to break free to be my True Self, whatever it may be.
Sadhguru
What we call "mad" is someone who has become different. He has crossed the barriers. Unless madness happens when he somehow breaks what u cannot break. It does not matter what kind of circus is happening in ur life, still there is one part of ur mind which is thinking clearly. When that goes away, u r mad. If that does not go away, u will never know moments of ecstasy, u will never know moments of love, u will never know moments of utter peace.
If that part of ur mind does not go away, u will not know meditation, u will not know love, u will not know dance, u will not know music. You will not know anything of life.
You will only know body and mind.
If something beyond has to happen, somehow the logical thinking has to go.
Soul
Father, when I reach Sadhguru, I already knew my mind was shit. I knew I needed a new avenue, the Energy and I give myself to it.
The old me won't buy a new car. The old me won't buy a big car. The old me won't be able to break off from volunteering in Isha. The old me won't be with Z. The old me won't stay with Z. The old me won't join new company.
The old me won't do late lunch. The old me won't reject offer for a good meal
The old me won't wake up 4 am
The old me won't dare to skip my practice.
The old me won't be focused on happiness, it be focusing on price to pay.
The old me won't grow willingly.
Sadhguru
Enlightenment is beyond logic; there is no logic there. U cannot mess with it anymore, because there is nothing to mess with.
When there is nothing, then everything flows through u. Whatever has to happen in this existence, it has to flow through u. U become the gateway. There is nothing that can escape ur grasp, if u r willing. If u have the inclination, everything is within ur grasp.
Soul
This is similar to my this week Osho - internal influence
Existence
Existence needs u.
Once u r clean and clear, u can see tremendous love falling on u from all dimensions.
Diamond Heart - Book 1
The more u know about urself, the freer u r from ur false personality. U have more capacity to cope with ur emotional reactions and the situations in ur life if u know the truth about them.
If u understand ur fears, angers and hurt, in time, this understanding will se u free from them. The reactions of ur personality will not have the same power and tenacity as before. U will experience more and more freedom and expansion. U will be more free to feel urself, more free in ur actions and in ur interactions about other. This is what it means; The truth will set u free.
Joy leads to loosening of self
May 16
Father, did my practice today. Suria was quite fine. Little tots during Shakti and Shambavi. Since I didn't doze after hata, I finished by 6.35 am. I take the extra time to sleep till 7 am. I had a dream on SS. I guess it is talking about ending.
The Reporting Temp didn't turn up. We given him chances and trusted him. But in the end he failed too. I tot of the con man, I too give him chances. Father, looks like for some people, words cannot be trusted. Well, just move on. I no longer take it as personally as before.
At first, my fear mind was triggered and I wanted to ask V to do the reporting. But I hold myself back. The recon is also important. MS reports is underway, just HP not done and besides it is ending. So, let it be.
On Z, I am getting more secure. We r intact now. The more I know him, I realised he is a creature of comfort. When he found something he likes, he stick to it. He doesn't like changes, uncertainty and etc. He likes to repeat that I have becomes endeared to him. He likes that. I was even able to tell him that I m giving him one inch, so don't push for one feet. The SN Leo in him is really showing. And I have Venus in Leo. No wonder we are matched to each other.
Sadhguru
When u become ecstatic, on one level what is happening is that what was an integrate structure has become loose. It become malleable and u can re-shape it. People who are joyful are flexible. People who are unhappy are absolutely rigid. When they are happy, they are flexible.
When they become utterly blissful, they are malleable. When they have become like that, u can just make them into a ball of mud and reshape them whichever u want.
That is why we talk about bliss. We r not some kind of addicts looking for bliss. We r talking about bliss because that is a state where a human being becomes malleable.
Spiritual process means that in some way u have liberated urself from the bubble, that ur individuality is no more a demarcated area. Once u r not within the demarcated area, on one level, we can say u r free. On another level, it is also a tremendous freedom to create anything that u want, because the very fundamentals of life are in ur hand. U can make anything that u want around u or within u or anywhere in the world. Suddenly there is no limitation of space and time.
One can work and do things, irrespective of where one is. If this capability has to come, the first and foremost thing is to get into ecstatic states - absolutely mindless ecstasy.
Soul
I used to think my ecstasy is useless. Just being happy without any outcome. Now I know there is a purpose to the bliss.
Soul
No wonder I can now bend my head to ground and do plough back effortlessly
Father, I am losing my old personality of taking things personally.
Sadhguru
Witness ur body, witness ur mind. This witnessing is to take the experience of life beyond ur personality, to see that personality is something that u created. Once u r aware that u have created it, u can create it whichever way u want.
Father, did my practice today. Suria was quite fine. Little tots during Shakti and Shambavi. Since I didn't doze after hata, I finished by 6.35 am. I take the extra time to sleep till 7 am. I had a dream on SS. I guess it is talking about ending.
The Reporting Temp didn't turn up. We given him chances and trusted him. But in the end he failed too. I tot of the con man, I too give him chances. Father, looks like for some people, words cannot be trusted. Well, just move on. I no longer take it as personally as before.
At first, my fear mind was triggered and I wanted to ask V to do the reporting. But I hold myself back. The recon is also important. MS reports is underway, just HP not done and besides it is ending. So, let it be.
On Z, I am getting more secure. We r intact now. The more I know him, I realised he is a creature of comfort. When he found something he likes, he stick to it. He doesn't like changes, uncertainty and etc. He likes to repeat that I have becomes endeared to him. He likes that. I was even able to tell him that I m giving him one inch, so don't push for one feet. The SN Leo in him is really showing. And I have Venus in Leo. No wonder we are matched to each other.
Sadhguru
When u become ecstatic, on one level what is happening is that what was an integrate structure has become loose. It become malleable and u can re-shape it. People who are joyful are flexible. People who are unhappy are absolutely rigid. When they are happy, they are flexible.
When they become utterly blissful, they are malleable. When they have become like that, u can just make them into a ball of mud and reshape them whichever u want.
That is why we talk about bliss. We r not some kind of addicts looking for bliss. We r talking about bliss because that is a state where a human being becomes malleable.
Spiritual process means that in some way u have liberated urself from the bubble, that ur individuality is no more a demarcated area. Once u r not within the demarcated area, on one level, we can say u r free. On another level, it is also a tremendous freedom to create anything that u want, because the very fundamentals of life are in ur hand. U can make anything that u want around u or within u or anywhere in the world. Suddenly there is no limitation of space and time.
One can work and do things, irrespective of where one is. If this capability has to come, the first and foremost thing is to get into ecstatic states - absolutely mindless ecstasy.
Soul
I used to think my ecstasy is useless. Just being happy without any outcome. Now I know there is a purpose to the bliss.
Soul
No wonder I can now bend my head to ground and do plough back effortlessly
Father, I am losing my old personality of taking things personally.
Sadhguru
Witness ur body, witness ur mind. This witnessing is to take the experience of life beyond ur personality, to see that personality is something that u created. Once u r aware that u have created it, u can create it whichever way u want.
Friday, June 15, 2012
Dimension Beyond - it wil only come when u r ready
May 15 Aft
Still no response from Z. The old me would be frantic by now and wants to reject him cos she tot she was rejected. The new me is comfortable.
Z is 7 of Spades. His issue is balancing his lifestyle. His focus now is on making money and so I will be secondary.
Since it is his karma and my karma is to be in control, so just lose myself and drop my karma.
Sadhguru
Gnana yogi is not just an intellectual fool. He understands that his logic, his intellect is a support, but not an illumination; he knows that clearly. Logic is like a scalpel.
U can open up things, u can use a sharp intellect to cut things open and look inward. By just cutting, u will not know. It is by looking that u will know. Ur intellect and logic can only cut; they cannot look.
Soul
I know. I cut and cut but cannot go beyond. It is only via meditation that I finally can cross over.
Sadhguru
Don't worry about that dimension which is beyond ur limitations. Ur business is to work with the limitations and fine-tune them to such a point that what is beyond limits cannot avoid u. It has to come to u.
If u prepare ur sense perception, ur discriminative function and the reflecting aspect of the mind, then undistorted vision is there. Witnessing naturally arises. Once witnessing arises, slowly becoming free from the process of body and process of mind becomes natural.
U take care of these things and what has to happen will happen. Things does not descend upon anything that is not ready to receive them.
Still no response from Z. The old me would be frantic by now and wants to reject him cos she tot she was rejected. The new me is comfortable.
Z is 7 of Spades. His issue is balancing his lifestyle. His focus now is on making money and so I will be secondary.
Since it is his karma and my karma is to be in control, so just lose myself and drop my karma.
Sadhguru
Gnana yogi is not just an intellectual fool. He understands that his logic, his intellect is a support, but not an illumination; he knows that clearly. Logic is like a scalpel.
U can open up things, u can use a sharp intellect to cut things open and look inward. By just cutting, u will not know. It is by looking that u will know. Ur intellect and logic can only cut; they cannot look.
Soul
I know. I cut and cut but cannot go beyond. It is only via meditation that I finally can cross over.
Sadhguru
Don't worry about that dimension which is beyond ur limitations. Ur business is to work with the limitations and fine-tune them to such a point that what is beyond limits cannot avoid u. It has to come to u.
If u prepare ur sense perception, ur discriminative function and the reflecting aspect of the mind, then undistorted vision is there. Witnessing naturally arises. Once witnessing arises, slowly becoming free from the process of body and process of mind becomes natural.
U take care of these things and what has to happen will happen. Things does not descend upon anything that is not ready to receive them.
Changes
May 15
Father, woke up at 4 am, did my asanas. I
t was fine and then had a long doze. Both Shakti and Shambavi was good. I find tots coming in very little when I focus on the practice.
There was no response from Z. The auto mode of rejection is there but I ignore it. For once I will let it flow on its own. I also remember Z was to buy the hotel voucher for us.
1. Issue
Ripeness
Only if ur meditation has brought u a light that shines in every night will even death not be death to u but a door to the divine.
All u need to do is relax right where u r, and be willing to share ur inner riches.
Soul
Yea, now I realised all my challenges were opportunities. I thanked E for the patience to bring me out of comfort zone. If I don't join new company, I won't be buying new car.
2. Internal influence that u r unable to see
Existence
Existence cares for u. Once u r clean and clear, u can see tremendous love falling on you from all dimensions.
U now know home is not a physical place in the outside world, but an inner quality of relaxation and acceptance.
Soul
Yea, since I settled down internally on new company, I am bringing the external in alignment too. I am bringing my office chair and having a new notebook with new company's email. The old one will now be behind.
3. External Influence
Possibilities
Skies upon skies are available for ur flight. Don't be content easily. Those who remain content easily remain small: small are their joys, small are their ecstasy, small are their being.
Smallness is ur own imposition upon ur freedom, upon ur unlimited possibilities, upon ur unlimited potential.
Enjoy the flight! And celebrate all the varied wonders of the landscape spread before u.
Soul
I know I can make people comfortable. Because I am at home within myself, I create a feeling of home for people too.
Father, thanks to Z. I can see my values. I finally see my talents as it is. I finally see my power.
4. What is needed for resolution?
Sharing
As u reached the center of ur being, suddenly an explosion of love, compassion, joy and blissfulness and benediction arisen in u and it will hit ur heart, open it up.
The Queen of Fire is so rich, she can afford to give. She welcomes all and sundry to partake of the abundance, fertility and light that surrounds her.
You are now in such situation. U will find in sharing, u feel even more full. Everything around u seems to be "coming together" now. Enjoy it, ground urself in it and let the abundance in u and around u overflow.
Soul
Yea, now Six of Spades finally arrives. It has been a whirlpool but the water is now settled.
5. Resolution
Thunderbolt
The inner earthquake was both necessary and tremendously important - u allow it and emerge from the wreckage stronger and more available for new experiences.
After the fire, the earth is replenished; after the storm, the air is clear.
Soul
Yea. Amen. Thanks to meditation and Z and E's support, I was able to go through the whirlpool. The water is finally settled.
Father, woke up at 4 am, did my asanas. I
t was fine and then had a long doze. Both Shakti and Shambavi was good. I find tots coming in very little when I focus on the practice.
There was no response from Z. The auto mode of rejection is there but I ignore it. For once I will let it flow on its own. I also remember Z was to buy the hotel voucher for us.
1. Issue
Ripeness
Only if ur meditation has brought u a light that shines in every night will even death not be death to u but a door to the divine.
All u need to do is relax right where u r, and be willing to share ur inner riches.
Soul
Yea, now I realised all my challenges were opportunities. I thanked E for the patience to bring me out of comfort zone. If I don't join new company, I won't be buying new car.
2. Internal influence that u r unable to see
Existence
Existence cares for u. Once u r clean and clear, u can see tremendous love falling on you from all dimensions.
U now know home is not a physical place in the outside world, but an inner quality of relaxation and acceptance.
Soul
Yea, since I settled down internally on new company, I am bringing the external in alignment too. I am bringing my office chair and having a new notebook with new company's email. The old one will now be behind.
3. External Influence
Possibilities
Skies upon skies are available for ur flight. Don't be content easily. Those who remain content easily remain small: small are their joys, small are their ecstasy, small are their being.
Smallness is ur own imposition upon ur freedom, upon ur unlimited possibilities, upon ur unlimited potential.
Enjoy the flight! And celebrate all the varied wonders of the landscape spread before u.
Soul
I know I can make people comfortable. Because I am at home within myself, I create a feeling of home for people too.
Father, thanks to Z. I can see my values. I finally see my talents as it is. I finally see my power.
4. What is needed for resolution?
Sharing
As u reached the center of ur being, suddenly an explosion of love, compassion, joy and blissfulness and benediction arisen in u and it will hit ur heart, open it up.
The Queen of Fire is so rich, she can afford to give. She welcomes all and sundry to partake of the abundance, fertility and light that surrounds her.
You are now in such situation. U will find in sharing, u feel even more full. Everything around u seems to be "coming together" now. Enjoy it, ground urself in it and let the abundance in u and around u overflow.
Soul
Yea, now Six of Spades finally arrives. It has been a whirlpool but the water is now settled.
5. Resolution
Thunderbolt
The inner earthquake was both necessary and tremendously important - u allow it and emerge from the wreckage stronger and more available for new experiences.
After the fire, the earth is replenished; after the storm, the air is clear.
Soul
Yea. Amen. Thanks to meditation and Z and E's support, I was able to go through the whirlpool. The water is finally settled.
Suffering is Blessing - it leads us back to ourselves
May 14 Eve
Mmm, yesterday and now today no response from Z. Of course, I am feeling ok at the moment. Come tomorrow morning, auto mode is on. But I no longer wants to listen to it.
My mind, I want Z and Teana; helps me to pursue them happily.
Father, the old me would have ponder and etc. The new me, the one who is free to be my happy loving self just go for it.
The Diamond Heart
The deepest realisations, the most genuine satisfaction, the most lasting fulfillment are those which are personal to u, which are very intimate to ur heart. They r ur own. Ur deepest inner struggle and the substances, the juices, that come out of the struggle are of utmost value to u. Struggle is the salt of the process. Without it, ur life would be bland. Ur achievements would be bland. Without the salt, without the struggle, they would not be rooted in u and u would not be able to embody them.
The central value of the struggle is that it helps u know urself. It will also develop ur belly center. It is the way to ground ur realisation, ur attainments. Then u will be like a tree with a very deep root system - strong, healthy, with deep roots that nourish it continually.
U can look at ur problems as difficulties to be gotten rid of as fast as possible with the least struggle, or u can look at them from the perspective of the part of u that is guiding u to urself.
Ultimately the struggle with urself, leads to what is called the "Black Death", which is the death of the personality. Ultimately, u reach the final understanding of the personality. When u see through to its source, its center - which is the experience called "Black Death" u will recognise that the heart of this death is pure compassion.
Soul
My black death was when I got together with Z. The difficulty part was getting on board. Once I am in, the boat still rock but it has run its course, peace is settling in.
Learn to ignore ur mind
May 14
Father, woke up at 4 am to do my practice. Body woke up around 3 plus cos feel hot. Did suria and it was quite effortless and I was laughing throughout. On Shakti and shambavi, there were little tots except when I bow down for a break.
No reply from Z and there were some tots of rejection again, it is so auto.
Aiyah, JV on MC and I cannot call Temp. Regretted letting go of Sharon. But I cannot have 2 temp. Anyway, fingers crossed. He was ernest. But these days I lost confidence a bit. I now knew people may not say what they mean. The conscience is not there or perhaps my conscience is too high.
Sadhguru
If u want to perceive something the way it is, these noises, these endless tots, must stop.
There are no brakes in ur mind. However, u try to stop it, it only goes faster and faster, because once u r identified with something, from that identity whatever u do, u only multiply the tot process. U cannot reduce it.
How to become unimportant
All my tots are stupid. And if my tots are stupid, my emotions are even more stupid.
U have become important only because u believe what u think and feel is important. Just make them unimportant. The suddenly if u sit here, u simply sit, without any nonsense going on within u.
Soul
True. My tots are monstrous. It just flow. When I focus on my shakti, it stop and when I take a break it comes. It was just nonsensical. When I was dozing, the tots was noisy. That's why I woke up.
Sadhguru
Life is very, very simple and direct, but the mind is very complex and devious. If u do not pay any attention to it, it will settle down.
If there is somebody very stupid around u who goes on blabbering, do u not learn to simply ignore him and carry on with ur work?
Once ur mind does not bother u, even if it plays its own game, u just let it be. If u do this, ur receptivity will rise.
If u demolish all ur limited assumptions and u sit here blank, that is when u r receptive. Then there is a blast of energy, which is true knowing. See, in my experience, knowledge and energy are not two different things. When u receive a certain energy, u also get to know something.
Soul
I told my mind I wanted Z and Teana. Help me to think positively.
I immediately got a tot that Z said he is very busy on Monday and Tuesday.
Father, woke up at 4 am to do my practice. Body woke up around 3 plus cos feel hot. Did suria and it was quite effortless and I was laughing throughout. On Shakti and shambavi, there were little tots except when I bow down for a break.
No reply from Z and there were some tots of rejection again, it is so auto.
Aiyah, JV on MC and I cannot call Temp. Regretted letting go of Sharon. But I cannot have 2 temp. Anyway, fingers crossed. He was ernest. But these days I lost confidence a bit. I now knew people may not say what they mean. The conscience is not there or perhaps my conscience is too high.
Sadhguru
If u want to perceive something the way it is, these noises, these endless tots, must stop.
There are no brakes in ur mind. However, u try to stop it, it only goes faster and faster, because once u r identified with something, from that identity whatever u do, u only multiply the tot process. U cannot reduce it.
How to become unimportant
All my tots are stupid. And if my tots are stupid, my emotions are even more stupid.
U have become important only because u believe what u think and feel is important. Just make them unimportant. The suddenly if u sit here, u simply sit, without any nonsense going on within u.
Soul
True. My tots are monstrous. It just flow. When I focus on my shakti, it stop and when I take a break it comes. It was just nonsensical. When I was dozing, the tots was noisy. That's why I woke up.
Sadhguru
Life is very, very simple and direct, but the mind is very complex and devious. If u do not pay any attention to it, it will settle down.
If there is somebody very stupid around u who goes on blabbering, do u not learn to simply ignore him and carry on with ur work?
Once ur mind does not bother u, even if it plays its own game, u just let it be. If u do this, ur receptivity will rise.
If u demolish all ur limited assumptions and u sit here blank, that is when u r receptive. Then there is a blast of energy, which is true knowing. See, in my experience, knowledge and energy are not two different things. When u receive a certain energy, u also get to know something.
Soul
I told my mind I wanted Z and Teana. Help me to think positively.
I immediately got a tot that Z said he is very busy on Monday and Tuesday.
Becoming free
May 13
Father, I felt good today after sathsang. For the first time I didn't think of taking shower. I participated in the brahmananda. I was laughing loads till I cry. What a release. Then I participated the Self Creation meditation towards the end. I created myself to be loving, happy and free.
The old ones didn't press me for comeback. But the new one did. In the rush to avoid her, I left my notebook charger.
When I was doing sathsang, I had a tot that C didn't want to be the guide due to her rship with S.
My brother seems quite serious on getting an apartment. Me buying and him renting. Honestly, not that keen. If I buy I got to work after my 3 years limit.
A tot came, when Z and I marry, then I can rent this house to them. Since parents is still here, I am fine if he pays me 850 per month.
The Diamond Heart - book 1
When u start realising what ur essence is about, it doesn't matter if u r threatened with death. Live or die, what's the difference? If people don't like u, its fine. Its all the same to u. U r not going to change urself to suit anyone else's ideas of how u should be.
In fact, u can't have real intimacy until u can tolerate ur own aloneness, integrity, individuality. That is freedom.
When u experiences Essence, it needs to be protected. U have to find ur own citadel, ur own fortress. Ur citadel has to do with the true discipline. The right way of living. It has to be there. It's not that u will experience ur essence and automatically get out of the swamps. U have to take action, to live ur life in accordance with the truth. It is ur responsibility to protect and guard and preserve ur essence, ur true nature.
U may need to wake up at five o'clock to meditate for 2 hours, drive to work by urself, read a book during ur lunch hour.
Soul
I am already doing that.
Diamond Heart - Book1
To live according to the facts, the truth. As long as u say, "I want it another way," u r going to suffer.
The only thing u can do is alter ur perception of who u r, which means becoming free of ur personality.
Father, I felt good today after sathsang. For the first time I didn't think of taking shower. I participated in the brahmananda. I was laughing loads till I cry. What a release. Then I participated the Self Creation meditation towards the end. I created myself to be loving, happy and free.
The old ones didn't press me for comeback. But the new one did. In the rush to avoid her, I left my notebook charger.
When I was doing sathsang, I had a tot that C didn't want to be the guide due to her rship with S.
My brother seems quite serious on getting an apartment. Me buying and him renting. Honestly, not that keen. If I buy I got to work after my 3 years limit.
A tot came, when Z and I marry, then I can rent this house to them. Since parents is still here, I am fine if he pays me 850 per month.
The Diamond Heart - book 1
When u start realising what ur essence is about, it doesn't matter if u r threatened with death. Live or die, what's the difference? If people don't like u, its fine. Its all the same to u. U r not going to change urself to suit anyone else's ideas of how u should be.
In fact, u can't have real intimacy until u can tolerate ur own aloneness, integrity, individuality. That is freedom.
When u experiences Essence, it needs to be protected. U have to find ur own citadel, ur own fortress. Ur citadel has to do with the true discipline. The right way of living. It has to be there. It's not that u will experience ur essence and automatically get out of the swamps. U have to take action, to live ur life in accordance with the truth. It is ur responsibility to protect and guard and preserve ur essence, ur true nature.
U may need to wake up at five o'clock to meditate for 2 hours, drive to work by urself, read a book during ur lunch hour.
Soul
I am already doing that.
Diamond Heart - Book1
To live according to the facts, the truth. As long as u say, "I want it another way," u r going to suffer.
The only thing u can do is alter ur perception of who u r, which means becoming free of ur personality.
Z is the one who holds us together
May 12 Eve
Father, a tot just came to me. Z and I lasted so long cos its Z that holds us together. My general tendency is to hang up whenever I encountered sadness. Whenever I feel vulnerable. Whenever I feel unloved.
Its true, I profess my love and he only profess his liking for me but I am ever ready to end our relationship. He was the one who make sure we don't break up.
Even during the last emotional chat we had, he make sure to interject some humour so that we can discuss better. I didn't hang up, the first time. And at times, I had to stop myself from laughing. He said I burst and then make him burst. He doesn't want that to happen.
Followed the GPS, but the road been blocked for repair. Stopped and saw the plant at the road side and silence comes over me. Father, let me appreciate this gift of MySelf.
Father, a tot just came to me. Z and I lasted so long cos its Z that holds us together. My general tendency is to hang up whenever I encountered sadness. Whenever I feel vulnerable. Whenever I feel unloved.
Its true, I profess my love and he only profess his liking for me but I am ever ready to end our relationship. He was the one who make sure we don't break up.
Even during the last emotional chat we had, he make sure to interject some humour so that we can discuss better. I didn't hang up, the first time. And at times, I had to stop myself from laughing. He said I burst and then make him burst. He doesn't want that to happen.
Followed the GPS, but the road been blocked for repair. Stopped and saw the plant at the road side and silence comes over me. Father, let me appreciate this gift of MySelf.
Projection results in Feelings
May 12 Eve
Father, just finished dinner with my friends.
J doesn't look good. Her eyes look tired and she said she cannot sleep well. I told her to do kriya in the evening to clear the remnants of the day.
Then she said she is unhappy and wants to resign. I asked her what is the thing she dislikes most. She said she dislike to have to beg to go on leave.
I told her that normally work for me is easy but this time the pressure were loads as I carry responsibility from everywhere.
I told her I always believe power comes with responsibility. So, I tend to play down my power. This time buying Teana is to acknowledge my power and also know that I need only to be responsible if I want to.
I told her I projected my feeling of overwhelm to my boss. I pitied him for carrying so many roles. The pity is for me. Since I couldn't pity myself, I project it on him.
I also shared with her that I had one difficult assignment and I resisted it cos I don't want to do it and tot the other gal should do it. Later when the gal finally admitted she can't, I took over. This time, within minutes I was able to do it. So, without resistance works flow easier. The same goes when I had the issue of doing excel reporting cos I feel it is valueless.
Then I said that J seems to have difficulty cos she always resist. She thinks the job should be done by others. She spend half an hour resisting, another half an hour to recover...then alas had to do it too. So, more time spent.
I asked her why does she resist so much. Somewhere she must have felt she is doing something not hers but she can't acknowledge it. I told her I suspect it was with her family. I always wonder why she has to do everything when she has so many siblings. She finally confess, she can't say no to her mother. She is doing everything for her family. She doesn't think it is her role but she can't say no cos her mother will be sad and she felt guilty for not being filial daughter.
I told her no wonder, she just wants to quit all. She doesn't want to do anything anymore cos everything she is doing is for others. So, nothing happens in her life. She lost energy for her own things. She doesn't even know what she wants. She just know she doesn't want anything. So, life gives her nothing.
Father, its all projections. Mmm, suddenly I tot of all my so call 'bad' bosses. They always exert their power, heavily. Whereas me, always afraid to exert. Cos I associate power with responsibility. Since I want to minimise responsibility, I minimise my power. Again, I was focus on the price to pay. The same thing for the big car. I want it but I knew I will have to learn to park the car. The old me wouldn't want to pay the price but the new me is ok in paying the price.
(16 Jun - I have the car for nearly 3 weeks now and I am comfortable with the car. So much dilemma over nothing.)
I am now focusing on what I want instead of price to pay. Everything comes with a price. If I let it overrides, then I will never get what I want.
I recalled that if I had focus on the price to pay, I wouldn't have been with Z. We wouldn't be having this rship that has last more than 1 year.
Father, just finished dinner with my friends.
J doesn't look good. Her eyes look tired and she said she cannot sleep well. I told her to do kriya in the evening to clear the remnants of the day.
Then she said she is unhappy and wants to resign. I asked her what is the thing she dislikes most. She said she dislike to have to beg to go on leave.
I told her that normally work for me is easy but this time the pressure were loads as I carry responsibility from everywhere.
I told her I always believe power comes with responsibility. So, I tend to play down my power. This time buying Teana is to acknowledge my power and also know that I need only to be responsible if I want to.
I told her I projected my feeling of overwhelm to my boss. I pitied him for carrying so many roles. The pity is for me. Since I couldn't pity myself, I project it on him.
I also shared with her that I had one difficult assignment and I resisted it cos I don't want to do it and tot the other gal should do it. Later when the gal finally admitted she can't, I took over. This time, within minutes I was able to do it. So, without resistance works flow easier. The same goes when I had the issue of doing excel reporting cos I feel it is valueless.
Then I said that J seems to have difficulty cos she always resist. She thinks the job should be done by others. She spend half an hour resisting, another half an hour to recover...then alas had to do it too. So, more time spent.
I asked her why does she resist so much. Somewhere she must have felt she is doing something not hers but she can't acknowledge it. I told her I suspect it was with her family. I always wonder why she has to do everything when she has so many siblings. She finally confess, she can't say no to her mother. She is doing everything for her family. She doesn't think it is her role but she can't say no cos her mother will be sad and she felt guilty for not being filial daughter.
I told her no wonder, she just wants to quit all. She doesn't want to do anything anymore cos everything she is doing is for others. So, nothing happens in her life. She lost energy for her own things. She doesn't even know what she wants. She just know she doesn't want anything. So, life gives her nothing.
Father, its all projections. Mmm, suddenly I tot of all my so call 'bad' bosses. They always exert their power, heavily. Whereas me, always afraid to exert. Cos I associate power with responsibility. Since I want to minimise responsibility, I minimise my power. Again, I was focus on the price to pay. The same thing for the big car. I want it but I knew I will have to learn to park the car. The old me wouldn't want to pay the price but the new me is ok in paying the price.
(16 Jun - I have the car for nearly 3 weeks now and I am comfortable with the car. So much dilemma over nothing.)
I am now focusing on what I want instead of price to pay. Everything comes with a price. If I let it overrides, then I will never get what I want.
I recalled that if I had focus on the price to pay, I wouldn't have been with Z. We wouldn't be having this rship that has last more than 1 year.
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