Becoming free

May 13

Father, I felt good today after sathsang. For the first time I didn't think of taking shower. I participated in the brahmananda. I was laughing loads till I cry. What a release. Then I participated the Self Creation meditation towards the end. I created myself to be loving, happy and free.

The old ones didn't press me for comeback. But the new one did. In the rush to avoid her, I left my notebook charger.

When I was doing sathsang, I had a tot that C didn't want to be the guide due to her rship with S.

My brother seems quite serious on getting an apartment. Me buying and him renting. Honestly, not that keen. If I buy I got to work after my 3 years limit.
A tot came, when Z and I marry, then I can rent this house to them. Since parents is still here, I am fine if he pays me 850 per month.

The Diamond Heart - book 1
When u start realising what ur essence is about, it doesn't matter if u r threatened with death. Live or die, what's the difference? If people don't like u, its fine. Its all the same to u. U r not going to change urself to suit anyone else's ideas of how u should be.

In fact, u can't have real intimacy until u can tolerate ur own aloneness, integrity, individuality. That is freedom.

When u experiences Essence, it needs to be protected. U have to find ur own citadel, ur own fortress. Ur citadel has to do with the true discipline. The right way of living. It has to be there. It's not that u will experience ur essence and automatically get out of the swamps. U have to take action, to live ur life in accordance with the truth. It is ur responsibility to protect and guard and preserve ur essence, ur true nature.

U may need to wake up at five o'clock to meditate for 2 hours, drive to work by urself, read a book during ur lunch hour.

Soul
I am already doing that.

Diamond Heart - Book1
To live according to the facts, the truth. As long as u say, "I want it another way," u r going to suffer.

The only thing u can do is alter ur perception of who u r, which means becoming free of ur personality.