Suffering is Blessing - it leads us back to ourselves

May 14 Eve
Mmm, yesterday and now today no response from Z. Of course, I am feeling ok at the moment. Come tomorrow morning, auto mode is on. But I no longer wants to listen to it.
My mind, I want Z and Teana; helps me to pursue them happily.

Father, the old me would have ponder and etc. The new me, the one who is free to be my happy loving self just go for it.

The Diamond Heart
The deepest realisations, the most genuine satisfaction, the most lasting fulfillment are those which are personal to u, which are very intimate to ur heart. They r ur own. Ur deepest inner struggle and the substances, the juices, that come out of the struggle are of utmost value to u. Struggle is the salt of the process. Without it, ur life would be bland. Ur achievements would be bland. Without the salt, without the struggle, they would not be rooted in u and u would not be able to embody them.

The central value of the struggle is that it helps u know urself. It will also develop ur belly center. It is the way to ground ur realisation, ur attainments. Then u will be like a tree with a very deep root system - strong, healthy, with deep roots that nourish it continually.
U can look at ur problems as difficulties to be gotten rid of as fast as possible with the least struggle, or u can look at them from the perspective of the part of u that is guiding u to urself.

Ultimately the struggle with urself, leads to what is called the "Black Death", which is the death of the personality. Ultimately, u reach the final understanding of the personality. When u see through to its source, its center - which is the experience called "Black Death" u will recognise that the heart of this death is pure compassion.

Soul
My black death was when I got together with Z. The difficulty part was getting on board. Once I am in, the boat still rock but it has run its course, peace is settling in.