Contradicting karma cards

May 14

Father, not sure why. But I felt a sense of appreciation for Regional team. This is a far cry from my feelings 2 years ago. From resentment to appreciation. I used to have resistance towards authorities.
This all started 2 month after samyama, I was surprised that I feel neutrel instead of resentment.
And now 3 months after samyama, I am further surprised, my neutrel feeling turns to appreciation.

My karma cards
Hidden areas of growth from past life - 3 of diamond - worry about not having enough value, love, money (insecurity)

Hidden qualities that are natural gifts and abilities from past life - 9 of diamond -able to release things and people.
Once they accessed the power of letting go, they are happy and somewhat carefree.
They are giving and less attached to people and things in their life. They have a look of wisdom on their face. They understand life as no others can because they can see well beyond their personal identity to the broad picture of the universe. The compassion they exude is real and comes from having consciously passed through many endings. Their happiness is real because it is not based on acquisition of any thing or person. It is based on the knowledge that they are in tune with the will of God and the cosmic flow.

Father, the 3 and 9 is so contradictory. If I am not able to overcome my 3, I cannot reach 9.
Alas, the meditation, Sadhguru and Osho helps me to keep 3 at bay so that I can proceed to 9 diamond (Universal values - the giver) is somewhat similar Queen diamond (the philanthropist). Both are givers.

(4 June - another way of looking at it, with my talent in Letting Go, I can then overcome my fear of not enough. mmm..a more positive note. So, instead of worrying about 3..just unravel my hidden talent of Letting go)

Afternoon
An ephiphanic meetup wit D. We went to this restaurant and it has not open yet. While waiting, I saw a signboard that talks about Bach flower essence. I recall that I read about this and is part of healing required for my RA.
My friend and I went up and I saw the Flower essence. Ask the lady to recommend as there were too many bottles, 28 in total. I told her about RA and possible solar plexus issue. She recommend Eros and I asked for the brochures. Brochures open up and just at the top of Eros is Transformation and it strikes me to read that Transformation first instead of Eros. Then I read Eros and found it not applicable to me and infact the right one was Transformation.

Transformation
Supporting personal growth and transformation
Choosing transformation means 'shining the light' on what needs to be reformed or changed. We can transform and harmonise seemingly opposite parts of ourselves, cultivate inner strength to preservere and stay on course, and willingly make sacrifices, which will serve our highest good.

When I was talking to D, suddenly tot of my 3 and 9 karma cards, such opposite. Then I realised my joints swell due to the stress resulting from inner conflict between my 3 and 9.

As I was leaving the place, suddenly checked a tarot card - New Beginning. To overcome my inner conflict and fear to follow my new path.

Now I know why my joints swell. I know its not work and is puzzled and sad why my joints swell so much. Anyway, I have just swallowed the flower essence. Will see.
(4 June - met up ex PA. She says she also have loads of clearing in April/May and according to her the planetary period is difficult for all.)

During lunch, when talking to D, realised her depression is due to the ceaserean rather than the general post natal depression. Her essence point start with the body. Her happiness is dependent on the body's happiness. That's why physical work such as housework, hatha yoga and reiki suits her.

Then it dawned on me that my vulnerable point is my mind. When I cannot use my mind in work, eg doing no mind task as reporting, I felt lousy and down and valueless.
I like reading books that stimulate me and I am attracted to intellectual guys, smart guys.
And since my strength/vulnerable point is my mind, I can be lost in my mind, feeling worry, anxiety and etc And meditation basically slow down the mind activity and hence that's why I take it like duck to water.

(June 4 - no wonder I seems to be not here..and disconnected from my body and emotion. No wonder, I overworked, couldn't listen to my emotion and body and got RA)

Both D and I are motivated as we received affirmation on our tool set. She is on yoga and reiki and me on my meditation.