Focus on my path (2)

May 25

Father, mmm looks like I am occupied with me weight. Aiyah, just let it be lah and like the grown up me.
I am ok wit my grown size. I was only afraid to grow bigger. And now this weekend to Penang. Anyway, consciousness is the key word.

Osho
1. The Issue - Schizophrenia
You are a marketplace - many voices. If u wan to say 'yes', immediately the 'no' is there. You cannot utter a simple word 'yes' with totality.
The only way out of this dilemma is, to let go of both pros and cons. You can't work ur way out of this one by solving it wit ur mind. Better follow ur heart. Just jump.

Soul
Yeap, I was in dilemma and even when I said yes and acted on it and issued all the promo emails to media and my friends. I felt bit regretful later on. Good thing is I hav this attribute of what's done is done, no point worrying abt it. Its opening up, its declaring. So far yday, no reply from friends except J and P.

2. Internal influence that u r unable to see
We are the World
Only in celebration, do we meet the ultimate, the eternal.
This card represent a time of communication, of sharing the riches that each of us brings to the whole.
This is a circle without fear of feelings of inferiority and superiority. When we recognise the common source of our humanity, the common origins of our dreams and longings, our hopes and fears, we are able to see that we are all joined together in the great miracle of existence.

Soul
Got a contact at NST and now need to sell it so that they can have regular articles. If not, at the very least one article 2 weeks before the IE pgrm.

3. External influence of which u r aware.
Understanding.
Jus drop clinging to the cage, move out and the whole sky is yours. Open ur wings and fly across the sun like an eagle.
You are being summoned by the grace and freedom and encouragement of the others.
It may feel a little shaky at first, and its ok. Just don't let it overshadow the opportinity to experience the lightheartedness and adventure on offer, right there alongside the shakiness.

Soul
Yep, I know. I am flying out. Still shaky, don't know the outcome. I jus know I have to do it cos its my path. I can't deny it any longer and I know if I don't do it, RA becomes worst due to the inner fight. I can remove the fight and my life path is known.
I may not know if I met my destiny in this lifetime, but at least I know my life path and I will follow it. I wan to go forward.

This mornin, I do feel bit tired and not looking forward my practices. But I told myself, this is my life path. Just do it. I did and surprisingly I wasn't as sleepy as I tot. And when my head/shoulder bend forward to touch the floor, it was so effortless as if I can just rest there.
Coincidentally, I just changed my phone screen image to flying birds in the sky.


4. What is needed for resolution
Receptivity.
Listening means forgetting yourself completely - only then u can listen
When u jus listen, u become a passage, a passivity, a receptivity, u become feminine.
God can reach you only when u r receptive.
Don't let ur head and aggressive mind to hinder ur pure receptivity.
Be grateful for whatever life brings, without any expectations or demands.
Neither duty or thought of merit or reward are important.

5. Resolution
Ice-olation.
We are miserable because we are too much in the self. To be in the self, means to make a distinction between 'this I am' and 'that I am not'.
The boundary between "I" and "not I" is what the self is --the self isolates. And it makes u frozen, u are no longer flowing. In love the boundaries disappear; in joy also the boundaries disappear, because joy is not cold.

We may have feel that the only way to survive is to close off our feelings and emotions so we can't be hurt again. If the pain is particularly deep, we might even try to hide it from ourselves.

Soul
I tot of this as not sure if people accept the meditative me. They laughed at the foodie me and think m inferior for not having any interest apart from food. Wonder if they laughed at me cos disbelief that I am into meditation. I wonder if they too would set expectation on me. I don't wan to open up cos I don't want to give people a chance to evaluate whether they approve / disapprove of me. I don't wan to take the test. Alas, I have taken. Now slight apprehensive abt result. Cos no reply means rejection. Of course, now I know no reply means they themselves not sure, not becos they disapprove of me. I wonder if they think m acting superior by going spiritual when I am so physical related.
Aiyah...ball has rolled.