Feeling down...

May 15

Father, my ex boss called me. She finally quit her job and got a new one. I am happy for her.
Suddenly tot of me, others have proceed ahead. What abt me? My ego says m useless.
Tot of the exPA, perhaps that's why I judged her. She claim she knows and at high level and yet not able to overcome herself. What about me then? Then tot of me gaining weight. Tot of my joints pain.

Aiyoh, why so negative! Why just be happy for C and instead of feeling envious. I felt m not going anywhere. I am not even really doing promotion for isha. Then an alternative tot came in, you helped D yday and like she says, she had an ephiphany whenever she talked to u. You have given her a direction and both of u have found affirmation for ur path, she thru her body and u thru ur mind.

Alas, my mind is real politician, bad one at that. I am fine.

Afternoon
As I am reading the card, I realise that I don't enjoy it as much as I tot it would be. Just like astrology, I am only keen for it as a guide and I don't keen to learn it. Just like isha, I also use it as a tool.
Whenever I have to do something that require memorising, I felt restriction and require energy and I then didn't like it. I like things that I can explore on my own, think on my own, have my own ah ha moments. I like to create rather than follow.

That's why I won't be a Card reader or an Isha teacher. Anything that I have to study and memorise, I don't like.

(June 4 - I am back. I am keen in the Card. It is so real, I have completed reading my Life Path. I know what I will coach in - Self Understanding. When you understand yourself, you can accept and love yourself, then can return the favour to others...Yeap, thats my forte.)

I recalled in love, I need to have personal integrity. I know I have integrity at food, work and friendship but in love, I do not. Just like d drama with all the shortlisted recruits, they change their minds towards the end, to justify their means.
I can be like that too. I may not find them attractive but if they fulfill my expectation, I too changed my mind to be with the potential partner. Why??? Just like they want to find d candidate, I too wan to find my partner.
Bit scary.... I really need to look at this.