Guidance from Sadhguru on my Value for Money mode

I shared with Friend abt my value for money (VFM) strategy.

Told her about my good friend flaring up. He said she flare up because she cannot live up to my standard. (Yea, I recalled both she and another good friend of mine, who tend not to like if I don't express their same value)

My friend said there are 2 equation to value for money. Experience vs price.

I told him that I am zero value n that's why I attached myself to the job, food, quality and etc.

At first was happy with the revelation on my VFM mode but then was so sad because I have no value. Such insecurity.

He said Nope. He said I valued myself infinite.
He asked me if there is anyone that I see n valued high.
I thought about it and cannot answer him upfront.

Just tot of another good friend of mine saying that I seldom praise people for being smart. She also said she noted another friend of ours (very beautiful woman) who seldom praise other women for their beauty n wonder if our friend is insecure. I said nope, I said our friend is so beautiful but tend to underplay her own beauty whenever she herself is being complimented. So, since she has underplay her own beauty and think it is average, she would also think that the other beautiful gal is average too. Mmm, my friend could be right on me having high value too.

He said I not only think of myself as high value, infact I thought of myself as infinite Value.
I said no lah. I am insecure too, otherwise why I tied my value to job.

He said it is because I think I am high value n hence see the job as low value. If I am zero value, there would be no judgement nor comparison as everything I see would be high value.

Mmm, that is another way of looking at things. Mmm, I have infinite value, definitely a boost to my ego and am happier now cos I have value versus my earlier perception of having no value at all. Thanks to my friend, I don’t feel that lousy.

Evening
I was doing my meditation n suddenly started to cry non-stop for the first 3 yoga movement.

I asked Sadhguru for help. I was lost for 40 years n d lesson start from 5 years back. I finally just open d door to see the truth behind d lesson. Now my friend telling me my value is infinite.
I am afraid to believe that cos infinite is also ego based n definitely eagle perspective. Infinite is d same as zero value.
I lost my confidence to direct myself out to the next level. I lost d confidence to live my life. While Friend's answer is logical cos similar to mine interpretation on the beautiful waman's case, somehow it is not the answer. Suddenly I thought of Sadhguru saying that spirituality is beyond logic.

So, while it served my ego to believe I hav infinite instead of zero value. I know its 2 sides to a coin, something Carl Jung said, but for now I can't recall.

Yea, narcissim - thinking herself is the highest value of all, in the end has to die alone.

In the final stage of meditation, suddenly have a pix of me dancing with Sadhguru when I see him in Spore - so laughable. At least I am no longer fearful n avoiding him. If he comes, I will go see him.

After my meditation, I would normally refer to Mystic's Musings by Sadhguru. Prayed for guidance and open up pg 148 ;
So you don't know who is driving your car. Destiny is something that you have been creating unconsciously. You can also create it consciously. You can rewrite your destiny.
If you can touch that core in you, and see everything is your responsibility and shift your whole focus to yourself, you can rewrite your destiny.
All the time, u think your job, ur food, ur staff, your partner is you. If u strip yourself of all these things, u will feel like a nobody (Soul - yeah, I did feel zero).
Right now what u feel is 'you' is spread out; you are a scattered being. You are not an established being.
A scattered being still have to gather all this mess, put it inside in order to have 'you'. So, u still have not become you; you are still a crowd, isn't it?
The crowd's destiny is always predestined. Once you have become an individual - individual means, it comes from 'indivisible' - it cannot be divided anymore; it is this. It cannot be here and there. (Soul - Suddenly tot of Osho card reading I did on tuesday - Internal influence that I am unable to see - Conditioning - a lion born among sheeps. Stepping out to become an Individual)
Once you truly becomes an individual, your destiny is yours.
The pig story - the attachment is to his body. If you cut his body, he will come.
(Soul - Tot of me n my job. They cut d job to such low level, that I can no longer find my identification n hence I have to disengaged).

You don't have to go about distancing yourself from this and that in your life, but once u get scattered (identification with so many externals), your destiny becomes predestined. Whichever way your karma is, it just go that way. If u become an individual, shifting ur whole focus to you.
When I say 'you', it is just you, not even your body or your mind. If u are unable to be like that, you just choose one more identity. When you say 'you', make it you and your Guru. You attach yourself to the Guru without any hesitation, because you have no entanglements from the other side. You can get as entangles as you want with him; he is not going to get entangled. The moment you are ripe, you can drop it.

(Soul - suddenly tot of my last vision of dancing with Sadhguru during meditation. Me deciding to meet him, even if he comes to Singapore. I was asking for Sadhguru on what is d next step cos I don't want to follow my eagle and my swan is still not strong enough to guide me. Sadhguru has given me an answer. My zero value - just add in Sadhguru n me. Stil not sure on how to include him, but will continue on kriya).

Once u become an Individual, your destiny become yours. If your destiny is in your hands, will u choose bondage or freedom. Freedom, of cos, because the very longing of life, the deepest longing of every life is to become free. So, once your destiny is happening in awareness, the next step will just happen by itself, because life within you has the intelligence to choose freedom, not bondage. Only because your destiny is being created in unawareness, you go about weaving bondage around yourself.
(Soul - that is why I cry when I jus start my meditation. Cos when Friend said infinite value, my auto VFM (value for money) come into play and my ego start to swell. And I know I don't want to go that path anymore. What good is I am value for money when I haven't been able to find my own happiness. )

Sadhguru, thank you for coming to my rescue. For supporting me and allowing me to lean on you. For now, I need you. As for the next step, u already said Life intelligence will guide me. I need not worry. I just need to be Awareness and watch out for my auto VFM mode.

Amen.