Possible Liberation

The Witch
Changes only happens when we go totally against everything we're used to doing.

Soul
I m used to doing generalist role, strategic n leadership. Didn't do reporting due to my VFM mode.
Then I was forced to do reporting, firstly by giving me very efficient boss who is major in reporting (Group CFO – Year 2003), then giving me very inefficent staff in the next company (Year 2004) and then give me inefficient staff coupled with massive reporting requirement (Year 2008).

All the events were to force me to do something I dislike n it is my weakness and going against my VFM mode.
Why do God wanted me to use my weakness, to do badly, to feel low value. I used to think is to make me suffer, to make me lose my arrogance and to make me humble, to make me compassionate. Alas, it is not so.

The Witch
The Teacher - I used the method of knitting badly / dancing badly for quite some time, until I managed to provoke the presence without artificial means, now that I knew it and was used to it.

And it must be said that I knitted much faster and better after that, just as Athena danced with much more soul n rhythm once she dared to break down those barriers.

Soul.
Father, yday I cried so much during meditation, begging the reporting to end. Begging that I need not have to work so hard, forever on my toe, forever have to prove myself.
Yoga kriya found me n I must slowly but surely learn to go into my bliss without yoga kriya.
I already know that I can access to my bliss in an energetic room. My room too is energetic.

Father, is been a long journey, in the end, d conclusion is Love. You love me enough to free me from my Limitation. I will only grow stronger. Facing my weaknesses will only made my strength stronger. Father, this book is so reflective of my own tots.

I think I am slowly getting the big picture on my journey. I know m on a spiritual track, a very fast paced one. All the past few years challenges was to break my limitation, break down my ego n not to make me suffer or rather definitely my ego was suffering and I was humbled.

Suddenly I felt there is a reason for my existence. It is not the job nor d suffering, is just a tool, a path in my spiritual journey. For the first time, I see my job as very small, just a tool in my path.

Afternoon

The Protector
Start doing what u want to do and everything will be revealed to you. Believe that God is the Mother and looks after her children and never let's anything bad happen to them.

When u grow tired of being what you are not, go and have fun and celebrate life, hammering metal into shape. In time, you will discover that it will give you more than pleasure, it will give you meaning.


Soul - still reading The Witch. Suddenly tot my job is not important, not my destiny. Tot of quitting and finding what I have already started. To be financially independent n jus explore n share the Universe.

What am I
I just know m a leader, am a Sharer, am a Communicator I am change agent.
What I like most is to change people or rather to help people find d Light within, like I did.
Now I knew why I was too scared of Isha. It is not just my fear of vegetarian food. Its because it may not be my path.
For now I use yoga kriya as a tool.

The Witch/The blacksmith
Divide time between biological research and working as a blacksmith apprentice. I was always tired but was much happier. One day I left my job and set up own blacksmith business, which went completely wrong from the start. Just when I was starting to believe in life, things got markedly worse. But I continued on as I know God is putting me through the fire of afflictions. It was so nearly impossible. But I prayed that God won't give up on me until I have taken on the shape that You wish for me. Do this by whatever means You think best, for as long as You like, but never ever throw me on the scrap heap of souls.

Soul - he followed his Destiny. He surrendered to it and when he suffered, he continues to pray for Faith. Father, am not sure if I am that strong. At the moment, I don't think of starting biz or anything but I just wan to explore whatever that is in my path, under Your Guidance. Suddenly tot of having a freelancer job, preferably don’t have to do accounting, just directing only, don’t mind having a pay cut. Wow, a great idea to explore.

The Witch/The Blacksmith
I too get scared, but it is at such moments that I discover a wisdom that is beyond me and I go forward.

The Witch/The teacher
I earn a lot of money working as GP in Edinburgh and even more money if I went to work in London but I prefer to make the most of life and to take the time out. I do what I like. I combine the healing processes of the ancients, the Arcane Tradition, with the most modern technique.
I am writing a paper on the subject and I hope to encourage others who will dare to take the steps which, deep down, they have always wanted to take.
I am careful to who I say these things to, because I might get dubbed a witch doctor and then many lives I could have saved would be lost.

Soul.
Father, my cries still goes on despite me having overcome the reporting and yesterday it was so clear. With risk, there is opportunity, may be can freelance in current company since we are downsizing.

Evening
Talk the idea with both Vic n Annie n both think is a good idea.
Now, my eagle is afraid saying that the FM wil replace me. Saying that I be out of job. Saying that I won't have money. Saying that Swan doesn't know what she want, jus wan a break.

Eagle, I know I don't know, but m jus like a child that jus has been released or rather know that there is a door n is not locked. But if u don't open the door n let me see what's out there, I will die. I am already dying and cannot take anymore.

Eagle, if we don't do this, when Swan finally breakdown n die, all of us will die together.

I too am afraid because I also don't know what Swan wants and whether we be able to do ok financially as Swan never keen in biz. By having this off time for 6 mths, we buy each other some time. We give open the door to let Swan fly first n get her rhythm, then perhaps we know what she want n then she will need u, eagle to execute the plan.

So, if Swan finally wan to stay, we can still have a door in the corporate - 6 mths till end Dec 09.


Evening
Did meditation. When started the Swan continue her cries n said she really don't know what she want, but she knows she want out, really need to go out. After the first session, no more tears.
Looks like our decision is correct. Eagle also quiet a bit.
I had the worst belching since I started meditation. This time, even the navel contract, throwing n pushing out air from deep within my stomach base n I also fart. I guess this is real releasing. Amen.
Also tot of isha n my cries when I tot I had to stay there. Now I know, for now Swan said that the place she doesn't wan also.

Midnite
Father, jus realised I went to Finland from April to June 1999 - 3 mths off n I recall d decision in Feb 99 after CNY. It was a real good sabbatical.

Now is Feb 2009, exactly 10 years.

Eagle, don't be scared. Let's take this breather n let Swan fly n see where she brings us cos like Swan we also not sure what we want, except for VFM mode. I really want to know where we are meant to go. U already know u r a natural leader/strategist but now we need Swan to guide us where we can be at ease, following our Destiny. U found ur Destiny as a Leader n now we let Swan be freed so she can slowly led us to the Path/Function/Role.