Powerful individual is created and not born

June 29

Father, today meditation so much tot. I recalled I was dreaming that I have to wake up for meditation. Not sure if its due to d medication, but it should have tailed off by now.
M not feeling tip top. Why?
Partly due to rashes n I see my body as flabby. Partly cos meditation not tip top, partly cos I judged myself for lack of commitment. Partly thinking don't wan to do meditation on Sunday, cos I already wake up at everyday at 5.40 am and want a break during weekend. Partly feeling like so much work. Partly feeling I don't have much to be happy about.

But saying that I saw an ambulance n it reminds me of my health and I saw a car full of deaf n mute passengers, remind me of my health and then followed by a blind woman - also reminds me of my health. My skin complexion is looking good.
Okie. Even if I can't find much, at least be appreciative of my health. Amen.

Yea, after last weekend. Up n down is the same, I felt resigned to life. What is there to look up for. Why search? I can never escape. After all my searching, it comes in vain. What have I to carry to people, jus accept what comes? U have no control? Ur control - similar like Buddha.... Yea, what's that to look forward to? Even if I get a partner, I still have to have d down time. So, what's d point?
Yea, that's how I feel - resigned to life. There is no more.

Ask and it is given
As I focus upon what I want, I feel good. If I focus upon lack of what I want, I will feel bad.

Soul - aiyah, my desire is coming. I know it, just celebrate. When things are down, then just accept it. For now before I even celebrate, don't even have to think of downturn. Just look forward to my desires being manifested.

Afternoon
Got my osho card for the week. Not so sure of its meaning
One thing I knew was d postponement of making cream corn custard and second thing is me giving my colleague a cold shoulder. I was embarrassed cos I was supposed to counsel him n not blurt out my gut.
Firstly, I felt anger for showing my wound, for sharing and secondly he is not staying. But on d hindsight, is good he is not staying. Pleas remember u doing it for his good n not yours. Yea, he equates me being his guardian angel.
Also there is a fight within me, whether to do yoga or not, this Sunday. Well, I decided on the park firstly, I want the closeness of trees n fresh air, secondly is good for my mom and thirdly, I will meditate when I can spare the time on sunday.
Stop fighting lah.




Participation (Receiving and Giving creates energy)
Yeap, something I am struggling. Even d trees, that one I have started. Now is the cream corn this weekend.
Even in sharing with my colleague also I regret like hell.
Father, yea, I have received so much, but I have not acted on it yet. So, no giving and hence staleness.

Why is giving so difficult for me?
Cos I give n give and don't receive from others except for God.
Aiyoh, then it is even better right? U have direct access n doesn't need from others. Others have indirect access thru you.
I am also afraid to give cos don't want anyone to know about me and over here in this office, I wan to maintain low profile.

Transformation - its language is only understood with ur loving heart, not with ur reasoning and intellectual mind.

Evenin

Meditation. At first I laugh cos I was happy and then I cry wit tears of gratitude cos I m so thankful. Later towards d mid of meditation. I cry out - Why this spiritual journey so difficult?

Sadhguru
Becoming a fanatic at least for a while can be useful for your energies to reach a boiling point and get moving. Then, to transform them into something else is very easy.
We have to perform action, so let us do it whole-heartedly, and let us choose the form of action that we want to do.
Do you want to rule the world or do u want to serve the world

In every waking moment of my life, unceasingly I pursue this work of offering myself, physically and mentally. Unceasingly I pursue it 24 hours a day, every moment, even in my sleep, with tremendous intensity. It is only out of that, that all of this has happened in my life. It has become so powerful simply because it does not mean anything to me, but for 24 hours, I am at it. Now this has a different kind of power. That is the whole meaning of sacrifice.
It is only out of that, that something else happens - both inside and outside - which can never be put in words.

There are many sages in the world. Realised beings who, even today are spreading their energy, but by themselves, they are not able to do anything. Only a few are unceasingly at it, day in and day out and only out of this, something was created.

That is how every powerful individual in this world is created. They are not born.
This is the science of creating a truly powerful being. This is not power to rule and it cannot be taken away.
Wherever u r put, you just do ur work anyway.
First of all, this releases u from the fruit of action. Once u r released from the fruit of action, the action will happen by itself.
You don't have to do anything about it.

By closing ur eyes, u will not become released. The moment u open them, everything will come back and catch up with you. If u run away and sit on the mountain, u will not become free. This is the way to work it out. It has to be worked out.
Soul - I know I cannot serve so I choose to rule. Father
Aha - the postponement of walking dis path. I know 1 month back I made d choice
But then I encountered jus d sunday walk or meditation and I went downhill. Tot of how difficult is it. Perhaps I have to go back on my choice. Perhaps have to admit I can go thru and jus be mediocre.

But I want to be a queen. I want to be enlightened. I want to rule my Universe. So, since d path is so difficult, I have to give up my dream to rule and instead to serve, doing d simple reporting. Jus grit my teeth, try to smile, stay positive and do the menial tasks.

Soul – Just read back my journal. Amazingly, once I drop my ego. This Sunday, just woke up at 5.45 am and start to do meditation and then later about 7.15 am go to the park. Both also good for me and I do really want it. Just my ego giving me a difficult time J