Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Validation - our ego trigger points

Yday, reached back home abt 9 pm and found out my nephew took my jewellery case. I got irritated n insist mom call them up to enquire n they were not at home. Ego was working overtime. I was showering n said aiyah, I wan to be in a happy state before meditation. This irritation is not worth the sacrifice of 1 hour of blissfulness. With that, I calm down n said this is the price to pay for having a free maid.
Then when I went up to my room, I discover my RM300 serum has been mixed wit water. Surprisingly I wasn't angry. I just took the bottle downstairs to show my Mom. I went back to my room to prepare meditation n suddenly have a tot that I have been meeting lovely people, why not I be lovely myself.

Instead of feeling angry, why not tell sis that I will be fine n she doesn't have to pay me provided that she goes to the free facial that I got for her n she doesn't have to pay me.
Then 2nd tot, I got another item to buy n that means I can get 30 percent discount. So works for me too.
Then 3rd tot, we need to teach my nephew not to play with other people's things without permission. And he has money, so will take RM200 from him instead.
Lovely.

Did my meditation and it is good, I guess its becos I have open up to my family.
I hope my sister is better. But I am not sure cos she trying to forget about the incident. It will come back.
Validation. I am validated by success, either in rship or at work.
My close friend is validated by friendship
My boss is validated by status, ie protocol
My college friend is validated by being a Martyr/Saviour
My sister is validated by being a good teacher
My youngest sister is validated by being a Provider

We need to be validated cos we need to have acknowledgement that we exist for a purpose. We are seeking acceptance for our existence. So, we would resist against anything that wil trigger our validation mode.

I told my colleague yesterday that I am still validated by work, but the need is lesser now.

This morning when I woke up, suddenly tot I like a 2nd aspect of my job - variety. Everytime, there is different things to do. This is a good sign.
Also if I can prosper spiritually in such bitchy environment, is good for me too!

My karma cards.
Learning that my close friend's sister is 9 diamond, my karma card teach me NOT to be so fixated on my values for a Good Job. Also, a paradox as I can handle a variety of roles and function.

Whereas my sister in law, my 3 diamond karma card teaches me to be steady in my choice, realising my uncertainty causes confusion, causes dilemma and delayed decision making. Such a paradox when in general, I can make decision easily.

Father, thank u. I guess its becos u have led me and I have followed somewhat that I don't need strong karma cards to awaken me. I can awake by myself. The same as I tot of those early marriages, they need it for their permanent mirrors, whereas for me, a temporary subtle mirror is all that I need to awaken me. Amen for guiding me.

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