Thursday, July 16, 2009

My birthday - I valued spiritual growth more than career growth

My birthday. Got a birthday wish from my good friend.

This morning meditation was great. I was surprised that I was laughing non-stop. Also towards d end, suddenly my body wants to do head stand. I was caught off guard n was slightly afraid. So, it was a good session. Alas, my mornin session is also as enjoyable.

Yesterday I did the Deferred Tax reporting with Regional's help. I am proud of myself. Father, I now know why my ex FM didn't teach my current FM cos she too doesn't know. Teaching the new would bring the attention to her lack of know how.
Father, was talking to another Finance Director. She said its loads of reporting and only way out is to get good 2nd and 3rd in command. Otherwise, the FD role is mostly reporting.
So, now I realised I need not take it personally. At first, I rejected it strongly out of anger cos it wil hit my weakness then I judged myself poorly for unable to do. Then I picked myself up to do and slowly but surely circumstances turning around to help me. I know things will improve.
Now that I have overcomed the reporting. I realise it is not just me who felt challenged by d reporting. It is d industry.
So do I still want it.
So, what do I want?
Things will improve and I can go home by 7 pm when is not reporting time. So, I wld say 50 percent be late.

Frankly I wan to stay in my current job due to the following:
1. I have conquered. Not sure that I wan to go thru another round. M a tired soldier. I want a rest
2. I like my team
3. I want some stability and things will improve further. . I want to enjoy the fruit of my laboir
4. I am on my spiritual path. So don't wan disruption as my spiritual growth is more important to me than career growth.
I have chosen my higher self over ego.
5. This is the place that I was initiated to meditation. This is d place that stretches. This is d place that allow my feeling to come out.

Father, can't think of other things.

What I don't want in my current job
1. A job that has loads of reporting
2. A boss that is a bitch with another 3 year to go.
3. A job that is real challenging to my integrity
4. A place whereby I don't have good peers, ie people we can discuss, debate - ie same wavelength
5. A job that won't go up cos d role is spread too broadly
6. The money doesn't equate the deliverables as the FD has to go high to low. Has to really spread all across.

For now, my spiritual growth n my partner in my life. That is what I want.

Ask and it is given
All illness is a result of the allowance of negative emotion.
As u are understanding that a feeling of negative energy is an indicator that u r not in harmony with ur greater knowing, many of u hav reached a point of saying, "I want to feel good more of the time."
And that is a magnificent acknowledgement.

Ask and it is given
Pivoting - when u r feeling negative emotion, u r in a very good position to identify what u want. Because never are u more clear about what u do want than when u r experiencing what u do want.
And so, if u will stop in that moment and say "Something is important here, otherwise I would not be feeling this negative emotion; I need to focus on what I want, and then turn ur attention to what it is that u want.
And in that moment of turning ur attention, the negative emotion and the negative attraction will stop.
And in that moment, the positive attraction will begin. And ur feelings will change from not feeling good to feeling good.

" I am feeling negative emotion, which means that I am in the process of attracting what I don't want. What is it that I do want?"

Yes, I want to look for what I want, and I will no longer look in the direction of the lack of it.


Soul - growing my career doesn't give me as much joy as growing my self. So, I have chosen.
I don't want to be challenged anymore. I don't want to conquer anymore. I just wan to be at ease n know m loved. That is what I hav been chasing.
Perhaps that is why these few years, everytime my ego tot of changing job, I feel sad cos here we go again, into another battle.

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