Unceasing pursue my path since I wanted to rule my Universe

Mornin
This is the first meditation in the mornin that I felt such good release. I laughed q lot and cried tears of gratefulness. This mornin, I woken up wit a dream of a kiss. When I was brushing my teeth, I said I wanted to have a guy that I wanted to kiss and he wants to kiss me too.
Then before I start meditation, I recalled Sadhguru's words – unceasingly pursue your path.

Soul - Now I knew what was my dilemma - following the path unceasingly. I wanted to cut down on sunday but part of me also not sure.

I am still humming a song. Feel so at ease despite massive jam.

Now I understand my Osho cards
1. Postponement - Thru d window frame, she can see colours and light and aliveness, and although she would like to move through the frame - as we can see by the rainbow colours appearing in her garment - she can't quite manage to do it. There is still too much "what-if" activity in her mind.
In fact, the one and only result of postponing things is a dull and depressing feeling of incompletion and 'stuckness". The relief and expansiveness you will feel once u put aside all dithering thoughts that are preventing u from acting now will make u wonder why u ever waited so long.

Soul -its abt my decision to follow thru with my spiritual path even if it is difficult. I did take heed of Sadhguru's advice. I knew I want to lead and to lead need power. The power comes thru unceasingly following the path. I need not bother so much about future. Just do day by day, step by step, like swimming.

2. Internal influence - fighting. It is time to stop fighting. There is so much love available to you if you just let it in. Start by forgiving yourself; you are worth it.

Soul - this is d ego and God's mind fighting within me. Yeap, it won't be easy. It will still fight but I am leaning towards Sadhguru - unceasingly pursue d power that is in me.

3. External influence -Existence
You are not accidental. Existence need u. Once u r clean and clear, u can see tremendous love falling on you from all dimensions.
Now is the time to look at whether u are allowing urself to receive the extraordinary gift of feeling at "home" wherever you are.
If u are, be sure to take time to savour it so it can deepen and remain with u.
If on the other hand, u"ve been feeling like the world is out to get u, its time to take a break.

Soul - yea, I had let the tot of difficulty - which equates to unlovabilty that led me to think I need to cut down on d path so I can love myself. The truth is. Is difficult cos I want more. And I want more cos I want to rule my life. Its like again I have to overcome such challenges to have what I desire. Alternative tot - its because ur desire is so big that u have such challenges.

Why can't I be a server, why can't I be satisfied. Others jus do one time a day n I guru pooja. Alternative tot - don't compare alcoholic wit non-alcoholic. You have been given d gift.

I am more at ease today now that I knew what was disturbing me and had acknowledged it yday evening.
I do have great desire to rule, to have power and with that I will continue unceasingly.
Jus remember Sadhguru,

4. What is needed - Participation
We r behaving almost like blind people. In such a beautiful world, we are living in small ponds of our own misery.
It is familiar, so even if somebody wants to pull you out, you struggle. You don't want to be pulled out of ur misery, of ur suffering. Otherwise, there is so much joy all around, u just have to be aware of it and to become a participant, not a spectator.
Philosophy is speculation; Zen is participation.
Make participation ur lifestyle and the whole existence becomes a joy, such an ecstasy. You could not have dreamed of a better universe.
Giving n receivng - creates tremendous energy for thunderbolt/transformation.
You have an opportunity to particpate with others now to make ur contribution to creating something greater and more beaitiful than each of u could manage alone.
Your participation will not only nourish you, but wull also contribute something precious to the whole.

Soul - Decision and action from me. Yeap, that is why d feeling of pressure when I saw BSP in KL. It is like I just want to do alone, not to expand. Looks like d circumstances is more than me. And if I wanted to rule, to participate. Am stil not sure on this but m sure to particpate on my own path unceasingly.

5. The resolution - Transformation
Zen is not a believer world. It is for those daring souls who can drop all belief, unbelief, doubt, reason; mind and simply enter into their pure existence without boundaries.
But it brings a tremendous transformation.
This is a time for deep let-go. Allow any pain, sorrow or difficulty just to be there, accepting its "facticity".
It is very much like the experience of Buddha, when, after years of seeking, he finally gave up, knowing there is nothing more he could do. That very nigh he is enlightened

Soul - participation is required for transformation. My wound will be there. It won't go away but it is healed. Let me just move on to create a new future. Let not my fear pull me back. Amen.

I feel at ease now. The feeling of stuck is gone. Amen

Day card - 8 of spades
Powerful card of physical and will power power comes from focusing our will, a narrowing down of the areas of our interest.
Because of this, we often lose focus in less important areas while we gather force in one

Soul - power to rule my universe, vs power to rule my pleasure.
Me, a Queen of Diamond - Philanthropist. Yea, I give away things that I valued. I do give knowledge to people.