Its okay to give myself what I want

Apr 6
Body fresh, slept around 10.30 pm after short Darshan with Shrine.

Woke up second day dreading BSP volunteering. Knowing I won't enjoy it. Tots running around. On Saturday I was fine. Tots of not wanting.

Did Bhuta Shuddhi followed by a long cat stretch. It was good eventhough right elbow was bit painful.
Angamardhana was good though not so flexible. Couldn't do three cycle of stretch legs not pump up. Can feel pain in left shoulder and right elbow. I knew be difficult to do Surya kriya. Hero posture was good thought bit stretched on left knee. Towards the end I lifted the small cushion and sat. It was okay.

Did preparatory steps for Surya Kriya. Started the standing but it was stretched on mountain pose; can feel the pain on left shoulder. Try to go lying down but just couldn't as right elbow was too painful and left shoulder can't adjust. So just abort and do 61 points awareness meditation. It was okay.
Breathing meditation was good. So nice just to sit. As I was sitting a tot occurred. I already got sannidhi; don't need BSP as mind already made up on staying. No more confusion over my office situation.

Shakti was okay. Couldn't sit properly cos slight pain on left feet. Quite focus on Kapala Bhakti. Towards the end breathe hissing. I hold back and do deep breathe instead.

Shambavi was good. Just sat in long contented silence. When I open my eyes I knew I just want to be in ashram. I want to be with Devi and Dhynalinga. It been nearly one year.

Earlier that I can't go ashram cos I spent money buying condo and need more to renovate. Now I know I can travel. I got the money for both travel and condo. Giving myself what I want.