Saturn-Sun in Cancer - too high self standards

May 8 aft

Gargothill
Saturn-Sun in Cancer
You want to be considered an accomplished and important person, and when you face obstacles, you don't always see that you are your own worst enemy. You may long to be considered important in the eyes of the world, yet you harbor fear of success at the same time. You take failures and minor setbacks to heart, and may even practically beat yourself up over them. Self-awareness to the point of real self-consciousness is a possibility.

The truth is, nobody holds a microscope over you, except for yourself. A little setback or a faux pas needn't be analyzed to death. Fingers needn't be pointed. No, you didn't make a spectacle of yourself when you made a mistake. You need to stop worrying about always being right, or appearing suave and accomplished. When you ease the pressure you put on yourself, you find that you don't face as many brick walls.

It is very much about what you feel you deserve. Deep down inside, if you let yourself truly believe that you deserve happiness and peace of mind, you will find it.You may engage in a lot of self-censoring: "I shouldn't.." is a common censoring mechanism with you.

When you express egotism of any form, some part of you feels guilty. As the Sun rules our conscious mind, it does enough censoring on its own. It is the "adult" within us. Saturn, on the other hand, is more like the "parent" within us. We need parents to guide us when we are children, and to some degree as adults, but for the most part, we don't need to be censored indefinitely--something that seems to be the case with Saturn-Sun hard aspects, except that the censoring and parenting is coming from within.

Ideally, you eventually learn that the standards you set for yourself are too high, and that may be the reason you seem to hit brick walls. You have a sarcastic sense of humor, a keen intelligence, and the ability to apply caution and strategy. The vitality may suffer, and troubles with the bones, teeth, and circulation may surface, especially at times of stress in your life.

Soul
I recalled many years ago, I came to the insight that I got much 'parent' in me.
And now further confirmed in this Saturn-Sun..now wonder...
finally see how I attack myself internally...
perhaps this is the core root of RA.
As T said, I am learning to relax.
I finally released my 20 plus year habits of morning leisure breakfast..who knows..what might happen next.
One thing I know is that when I m into meditation, I am able to ask my joints to ease themselves and relieve the pain.