I was still disturbed yesterday evening. Not sure if I wanted to apply for the Finance director position. Since i was facing 'bit' of attack by the boss, start to doubt my capability. Also worried if I am jumping into another fire. Alas I who is always able to handle any boss, now admit to failure. I cannot handle her and I am also not sure if I want to. But if I don't, I am afraid to get a worst one....
Just prayed and asked from guidance from Sadhguru. What am I to do?
Sadhguru
It is craving and aversion which builds karma.
You have an aversion to karma, so you are trying to push it away. In the effort to push it away, you are only building more karma.
Hesitation is the worst sin, because with hesitation, you kill life. Anything that suppresses life is the worst sin.
If u deprives you of any experience - whether it is pain, suffering, joy or whatever it is - if u avoids it that is big karma. If you go through it, it is not so much karma.
Simple people who laugh and cry as it comes, they are so much free.
If u lives totally, u dissolves enormous amounts of karma.
Living totally does not mean just having fun. Anything and everything that comes, you just experience it fully.
Soul - same card as postponement. Asking me to make not to postpone, not to hesistate, just do it.
I am afraid to face challenges, to face my karma. By not moving, I have less chance of facing karma, despite knowing m in a career rut, not enjoying my work.
This situation with my boss seem to be d push factor.
Also yesterday, first time I was invited to their business WIP, I don't like the advertising biz, this biz is all about people manipulation.
And I am too straight n not street smart and definitely not polished, so difficult to fit it and I am not sure that I want to be like them.
This morning, after meditation.
Suddenly tot of why I fear 24 x 7
It is about not having control.
Feeling being restricted by others
I guess all my fear of being controlled by others and environment is due to the control I set on myself.
Ask and it is given
It is our desire that you become one who is happy with that which you are and with that which you have - while at the same time being eager for more.
This is the optimal creative vantage point; To stand on the brink of what is coming, feeling eager, optimistic anticipation - with no feeling of impatience, doubt, unworthiness hindering the receiving of it - that is the science of deliberate creation at its best.
Father, I just did my letter to apply for the Finance Director position. Will send by today. It is true, all the postponement, just make me feel stuck and cause even more chattering in mymind.
I have just send the email application and suddenly this feeling came.
I am so blessed n happy.
I am so easily happy wit jus good food
I can sleep well within 5 minutes and at least 95 percent of time that I can do so. And now I even have the Tool to release all tension n I can sleep 97 percent.
So, it doesn't matter if my boss ignore me n scold me cause I am happy n fulfilled without her.
In the end, this whole inner journey is just to accept ourselves, both good n bad.
Once we accept ourselves, we felt love flowing thru us.
Isn't this is why we r searching for partner? For someone to accept us as we are, not to reject us when they found us lacking or have weakness.
I now have accept and love myself, no need to find a partner to do so. This is so liberating.
After 7 months, I now start to feel acceptance of myself. In accepting myself, I felt loved by me...
Acceptance is Love.
I have read and I now experienced and know it.
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