Shoonya

Father, shoonya is great. I also like Suria Namaskara (sun salutation). I recalled that I hated Suria Namaskara during yoga classes and I always avoid doing it.

Surprisingly Shakti Charana Kriya is good. I can go easily into meditation.

I now realise that I have resisted learning the Indian name for all the kriya and asanas cos I don't want to be attached. Again, not wanting to pass.

At first, I was stil not truly participating during the Shoonya initiation. I am not sure if I would have experience. Also, afraid to experience. Again, another classic case of I don wan to pass.

The spiritual discourse before the initiation, Sadhguru spoke on the example of the monk and the prostitute. That hit me as this is the same Osho card I have received before I went to the Shoonya program.
So, I broke down and cried and then open up.

Jus went thru my Osho card again and noted 3rd card - seed of transformation m not aware of - No Mind
The state of no-mind is the state of the divine. God is not a thought but the experience of thoughtlessness. It is not a content in the mind; it is the explosion when the mind is content-less. It is the sky when there is no cloud. It is that empty sky.

Coincidentally Shoonya meditation is Emptiness

Osho - Energy. Either u make ur energy creative or it will turn sour and become destructive. Energy is a dangerous thing - if u have it, u hav to use it creatively. Otherwise, sooner or later u will find it become destructive.

Soul - at first tot if this is warning me to volunteer or warning me to find an outlet so that the Energy I found won't be bad for me. But bit silly, right?
2nd phrase - growth of consciousness. That is definitely happening to me as I now can feel even more. Yday during BSP, when I saw the hundreds of men, I tot this is it. Sadhguru is trying to get these men to open up and know themselves so they won't continue to suffer. To hurt themselves and others. This too is my journey. Tears start to welt in me.

Suddenly a tot came on why I resist volunteering - it means surrender. Giving up to authority. Something which I don't like. It means I m no longer in control.

Evening
Today I went into kitchen to help to cut vegetables. I was quite industrious, manage to sharpen the knife at the basin, and even tot of a new way to cut vege and henceforth very fast. Only one guy followed me. The rest still the same. Leslie said that cutting vege is reducing karma. So, perhaps they stil wan to stick to slow way as a form of 'punishment or pay back". Not sensible.

Then went to Teetakhoon, had a great time. Now, even the old dragon smile and welcomes me. Surprisingly today I was in tears. Not sure why though.

M glad I stayed. Today, someone ask me to help out with the flowers n I agreed. As usual, if it is to help anyone without being tied down, m fine. Today opening the lotus flower, I like it too n main thing is I can leave anytime I wan to. No bond to tie me. Volunteer - commitment which I can't give now cos all given to work.