North Node in Taurus need boundaries

May 14

Woke up around midnight with a cramp. Went to toilet. First time such cramp on menses.
Slept back and woke up at 3.45 am. Body is good. Mind ponder a bit of what's next. I ignored it and went for shower.
Angarmadhana was good. The posture on squatting legs off ground balancing still not okay. That's one posture I have yet to do well.
Breathing was good.
Shakti was abridged version due to menses. I can feel the slight cramp in lower stomach.
Shambavi is good and since I got time I sat longer in silent contentment with head tilted watching my breathe.

Had some tots of Z and Y and I waived them off by either saying they are not relevant to the present or there is abundance of love and money for me. Need not hold on.

This week Osho's tarot cards
1. Issue - Clinging to the past

2. Internal influence that I am not aware -  Change
If u cling to the edge of the wheel, u can get dizzy. Move toward the center of the cyclone and relax, knowing that this too will pass.

3. External influence - Guilt
Soul
Guilty for selecting wrong person. Guilty for not paying enough attention to the work flow.

4. What's needed for resolution?
The Source
There is a vast reservoir of energy available to us. And we tap it not by thinking and planning but by getting grounded, centered and silent enough to be in contact with the Source.
Pure energy, pulsating, available, is ready to give us anything we need to accomplish something and ready to welcome us back home when we want to rest.

5. Resolution
Friendliness.
First meditate, be blissful, then much love will happen of its own accord. Then being with others is beautiful and being alone is also beautiful. Then it is always a friendship, a friendliness.

Soul
Tot of Y and L.

Matt Licata
To the degree u are intimate with the unwanted within, it is to this degree u can be intimate with another. If u have not provided shelter to the darkness within u, how will u ever hold the darkness of ur beloved.

Soul
Mmmm.

North node in Taurus
These folks are learning to express what they need and to avoid thinking of others' needs first. They often feel they are moving through life reacting to other people's situations and "falling into" things as opposed to consciously recognising where they are and where they want to go. They tend to be too focused on the motivation of others - subconsciously seek what they need by first defining what the other person wants. They may think they fully understand another's motivation and take action or respond to the person on that basis, only to find that their appraisal was incorrect.

Soul
That's what happen in local Isha. That's also that happen on my selection of my second in command. I tot of what my boss would say. I go for looks rather than substance.
Also partly after all the drama with S, I want a supportive staff.


North node in Taurus
It work best when they avoid tuning into the desires and opinions of others and focus on their own needs. "This is what I need. ... These are my reasons." To build an unshakeable sense of security and successfully reach goals, they need to keep in touch with their level of comfort and determine their boundaries.

Soul
Such irony, I tot I was control freak. But looks like I control inside but not outside. If I had control outside a bit then maybe I need not control myself too much. Suddenly an ah ha moment. That's why I m resentful; I m angry. I am angry because I put myself last. This comes from thinking that I was not lovable and hence need to perform to be loved.
There is anger in the Ruling card of Ace of Diamonds. Forever taking others values.
That's also explain why I was non negotiable on food. I have open myself up to everything and hence can't open food too.