I am meant to be alone, finding my happiness within

Mar 18

Woke up around 6.50 am as it was bit hot.
Still feeling bit sleep, changed the alarm clock to 7.30 am. But I told myself that if I can't sleep in 10 min means that it is just the mind, not the body. True enough, I can't sleep, by 10 min I was getting morre fresh. So I woke up at 7.01 am.

Did Bhuta Shuddi followed by Surya Kriya preparatory steps.
Surya Kriya was okay but right elbow bit painful so can't hold mountain pose for long.
Yogaasanas not so great..breathing quite heavily. Was able to hold the 30 seconds but not so fluid breathing.
Only able to breakthrough in the sitting posture with fingers holding my big toes. Able to bend forward with both hands clasping my feet.

The Breathing meditation was good..sat for a long while

Shakti was good..tots were flying but I was able to focus for the first two cycle of Kapala Bhakti. Third cycle I was lot half way...about my new condo renovation.
Surprisingly, I was laughing and singing at the end.

Shambavi was good..was laughing in the end.


So this week card
2. Internal influences that you are unable to see
The Lovers
These three things are to be taken note of: the lowest love is sex - it is physical - and the highest refinement of love is compassion. Sex is below love, compassion is above love; love is exactly in the middle. 

Very few people know what love is. Ninety-nine percent of people, unfortunately, think sexuality is love - it is not. Sexuality is very animal; it certainly has the potential of growing into love, but it is not actual love, only a potential.... 

If you become aware and alert, meditative, then sex can be transformed into love. And if your meditativeness becomes total, absolute, love can be transformed into compassion. Sex is the seed, love is the flower, compassion is the fragrance.

Buddha has defined compassion as love plus meditation. When your love is not just a desire for the other, when your love is not only a need, when your love is a sharing, when your love is not that of a beggar but an emperor, when your love is not asking for something in return but is ready only to give - to give for the sheer joy of giving - then add meditation to it and the pure fragrance is released. That is compassion; compassion is the highest phenomenon.

What we call love is really a whole spectrum of relating, reaching from the earth to the sky. At the most earthy level, love is sexual attraction. Many of us remain stuck there, because our conditioning has burdened our sexuality with all kinds of expectations and repressions. Actually the biggest "problem" with sexual love is that it never lasts. Only if we accept this fact can we then really celebrate it for what it is - welcome its happening, and say good-bye with gratitude when it's not. 

Then, as we mature, we can begin to experience the love that exists beyond sexuality and honors the unique individuality of the other. We begin to understand that our partner often functions as a mirror, reflecting unseen aspects of our deeper self and supporting us to become whole. 

This love is based in freedom, not expectation or need. Its wings take us higher and higher towards the universal love that experiences all as one.

Soul
Yes, finally did a last call msg to Z on the program. Hope he listen. Also took the opportunity to tell him that I am happy for both him and wife. Alas laying this to rest. They are meant to be...and it has nothing to do with me.

Amen
He responded and said he will join the program
He even showed me his new office and etc..
Guess me a Queen of Diamonds, him being a Jack of Diamonds..means there is a past life bond.
He just want to update me..thats all. Telling me his business is stable and growing..He is not so into money but business growing..
Or perhaps seeking my approval...as I have never felt secure with his financial approach to life..

Finally settle..Six of Diamonds..

I have got this card many times before but was not able to 'feel' it. Most of the times seeing it as havign to let go..feeling sad..that I am alone.
But this week..seeing me feeling compassion for Z and Y.
Seeing that they are where they are meant to be, being with who they are meant to be..
In seeing that their life is meant to be..I can see that it is not me..I no longer need to take it personally..
I am not in their equation.


3. External influences that you are aware

Maturity
The distinction between the grasses and the blossoms is the same as between you not knowing that you are a buddha, and the moment you know that you are a buddha.
This figure stands alone, silent and yet alert. The inner being is filled with flowers--that carry the quality of springtime and regenerate wherever he goes. This inner flowering and the wholeness that he feels affords the possibility of unlimited movement. He can move in any direction--within and without it makes no difference as his joy and and maturity cannot be diminished by externals. He has come to a time of centeredness and expansiveness--the white glow around the figure is his protection and his light. All of life's experiences have brought him to this time of perfection. When you draw this card, know well this moment carries a gift--for hard work well done. Your base is solid now and success and good fortune are yours for they are the outcome of what has already been experienced within.

Soul
Yesterday me crying out for love, fearing to be alone..and me finally answering that I am here with my aloneness. We are okay.

This morning I prayed to Akash....
thanks for all that you have given me..
thansk for all that you have taken away from me
I am where I m meant to be.

A tot just came..I am meant to find the soul mate within..not find it outside.
I am meant to find my happiness within..and not outside
I am meant to find my peace and contentment within..
I am meant to find my wholeness within...

And I have been given the tools to do so...
I have also been taken away from things and people that are not helpful for my path to find happiness within.

I can alone can give myself what I want
I need not do work that pays more money so I can feel secure.
I can feel secure just by doing my current work.
I can love myself...


4.Whats needed for resolution?
Beyond Illusions
This is the only distinction between the dream and the real: reality allows you to doubt, and the dream does not allow you to doubt.... 

To me, the capacity to doubt is one of the greatest blessings to humanity.
The butterfly in this card represents the outer, that which is constantly moving and that which is not real but an illusion. Behind the butterfly is the face of consciousness, looking inward to that which is eternal. The space between the two eyes has opened, revealing the lotus of spiritual unfoldment and the rising sun of awareness. 

Through the rising of the inner sun, meditation is born. The card reminds us not to look outside for what is real, but to look within. When we focus on externals, we too often get caught up in judgments - this is good, this is bad, I want this, I don't want that. These judgments keep us trapped in our illusions, our sleepiness, our old habits and patterns. 

Drop your opinionated mind and move inside. There, you can relax into your own deepest truth, where the difference between dreams and reality is already known

Soul
Seeing Z and wife meant to be..and I need not take it personally that I am not choosen..infact I was never in the equation. I was taken away cos we are not meant to be.

Reading my boss card..and seeing her ignorance on her role at office..makes me realise that I too was never in the equation. I may have highlight the matters but it was she who created the situation and her current role is not meant for her. Since she can't let go, it has to be taken away from her. Universe is helping her..so I no longer see myself as being responsible for her. She is responsible for herself and Universe is helping her on her path by taking away things not meant for her growth.


5. Resolutions
Harmony
The experience of resting in the heart in meditation is not something that can be grasped or forced. It comes naturally, as we grow more and more in tune with the rhythms of our own inner silences. The figure on this card reflects the sweetness and delicacy of this experience. The dolphins that emerge from the heart and make an arc towards the third eye reflect the playfulness and intelligence that comes when we are able to connect with the heart and move into the world from there. Let yourself be softer and more receptive now, because an inexpressible joy is waiting for you just around the corner. Nobody else can point it out to you, and when you find it you won't be able to find the words to express it to others. But it's there, deep within your heart, ripe and ready to be discovered.

Soul
Also seeing that former boss and company coming back..is just for me to reaffirm my path. The last time I wasn't sure and then I bolted. This time no logner want to create any drama.
Hectic corporate life is not meant for me.