Alas, my dream

My Dream
Father, was waking up tired today too. But I did the meditation. Yesterday did the sharing with my friend and it is a good lunch date. I just sms to her;
Hi. Jus wan to tell u that for d first time, I felt your feelings. I already know sometime back that it was because I was unemotional that I project to u and now that I become emotional, I can feel ur emotion too :)

So, the benefits from yoga is loads. She was asking me if I still search and read as profusely as before. I told her nope, but somehow books that I required will be channeled back to me. It is like I don't search and I will attract what I want to come to me. Yesterday, she gave me back Carl Jung and I recall that I connected with the book in the section of emotion n etc, but the last section, I was not. And surprisingly yesterday I turn to page on indian spirituality. Yeap, it came back to me when I need it.

Talking to her made me realised that I used to think she give too much and didn't think of herself. Alas, both of us are like that. We don't ask for what we want. We don't even think of what we want. Its time we both start to window shop to stir and stimulate our desires.

I told my friend that I was bit envious that she knew her dream, whereas I still don't know. She responded that I will find MY Dream because I have been on a journey of knowing myself. Yeap, I am finding myself and I will surely come to the core of what I am.

Suddenly, I now knew, for the past years and even now, my dream is to know what I truly am. My dream is to find the realisation/proof of my belief that we are not meant to live and suffer. There must be something more in life and I will go to the bottom of this. I will find out for myself what I need to be in order not to suffer, in order to be happy. I believed that we are meant to be here to be adored and not to be punished. My dream is to live as I meant to be instead of just going thru the drudgery of life.

However, part of me also believe that we are here to be punished and hence I avoided Christianity and even Buddhism as they seem to preach that we are meant to suffer. We need to justify our existence before we can be loved. If I didn't believe it, then I won't resist it. Cos I am afraid it will just bring up the fear in me.

Alas, I now know my dream…and it is a BIG BIG DREAM…to search and find and know that we are truly here to be HAPPY.