Teacher said do the meditation properly n d benefits would even be greater. Father, while I am surrendering during meditation, I am not while I am out of it.
Looking at the other meditator who has slimmed down so much with 2 meals a day, I wonder abt me. Here, I eat double jus because my metabolic has increased. Sometimes after nite meditation, jus don't wan to eat but my ego would rebel and we ate. Will see
These 2 weeks, I felt lethargic when I woke up.
Father, let me focus on what I am, the good ones, rather than negative. Let me stop desiring.
Father, what do I want? I guess m feeling bit lost again. Is it becaus I have no target or I set too high an expectation?
My path is to discover, to learn myself and to accept myself.
My friend said it is uncomfortable to face your insecurity. I guess that is what I am feeling, insecure not sure if I will achieve enlightenment. Sometime I think ego plays a role. Again, that question, so what if u had loads of experience during meditation. What about, when you are out of it?
We'll, at least I am aware I m not feeling good. I know that is not what I desire.
Ask and it is given
Remember the Stream of Well-Being is always flowing through you and the more u allow it, the better you feel. The more u resist it, the worse u feel.
Soul - yea, will remember.
Ask and it is given
Change ur belief and you experience will change.
There is no condition so severe that you cannot choose to reverse it by choosing different thoughts.
However, choosing different thoughts require focus and practice.
If you continue to focus as you have been, to think as u have been, and to believe as u have been, then nothing in ur experience will change.
Different thoughts require finding unfamiliar ways of approaching familiar subjects.
Soul - like what I think of those self-proclaimed teachers. Instead of thinking they find me lacking, I tot they find me impressive and hence wants to impress me by teaching me. What could be more uplifting to the ego than able to teach someone who less likely to require it, i.e. teaching top students and immediately that elevate their status.
Ask and it is given
The only thing that ever prevents you from receiving something that you desire is that your habit of thought is different from your desire.
Only when u aware of the power of ur tots, of ur ability to allow/resist Well-Beingness - then u can have creative control of ur experience.
But if u r predominantly focused upon the results of focused tots rather than feeling your way within ur tots, it is easy to lose ur way.
Soul - I was focusing on result.
Cos focusing on my feeling is unfamiliar to me. My self control was operated on d basis that I avoid focusing on my feeling, suppress it.
Now it has been released, the way I manage is also to control it.
Hence I was avoiding feeling since it is no longer being suppressed. Avoiding is passive suppression.
Father, this is scary. Focusing on my feeling. I am afraid cos my feeling is loads of sadness. Some many things at office, jus when I tot things stabilised. Again d tot of why I need to suffer. Again d question does God love me. Or rather now, why I still bring it to myself.
Yea, is my boss's karma but d fact I am here, I too attract it.
Afternoon
Focusing on my feeling. Me, feelin at ease cos decided today focus on d budget.
The osho card for d week is real telling.
1. Issue - Sorrow
The pain is not to make u sad. Just to make u more alert, more aware. And when u aware, misery disappear.
Soul _ Yea, to know m not aligned. So will start to feel n then realigned. That's what I did this mornin!
I have been getting d sorrow card for a few times now. Looks like I stil have not faced my feeling. Part of me is still afraid to face my pain.
2. Internal – Abundance. A whole person is rich in body, rich in science, rich in meditation and rich in consciousness.
If u r a woman, the King of Rainbows brings the support of your own male energies into your life, a union with the soul mate within. For a man, this card represents a time of breaking thru conventional male stereotypes and allowing the fullness of the whole human being to shine forth.
Soul - not sure what is d msg. One part said that a Whole person enjoy n treasure both material and spiritual aspect. Like me with food and meditation. So, am on d right track and need worry abt me needing to be a vegetarian and renunciator.
Another part said, I can identify with being a man, overcoming my fear of acknowledging my feeling. The feeling has come thru n now need to acknowledge and feel and accept it. Again, is acceptance of my weakness, my feminine side?
3. External - Transformation. This is a time for deep let-go. Allow any pain, sorrow or difficulty just to be there. Accepting its "facticity". It is very much like the experience of Gautam Buddha, when after years of seeking, he finally.
Transformation comes, like death, in its own time.
Souil - Father, yea lah. I stil face oncoming difficulty at work. Haven't I explore n open up all my consciousness. Isn't it enough tat I am a good gal. Why still give me challenges, suffering. How long do I have to go on. What else should I have to do?
Part of me also know I can't do much. Perhaps the lesson is to accept my fear, my challenges and learn not take it as my self worth. The fact that I have to face challenges, doesn't mean I am of no value, not lovable.
Soul - A tot came in, u have opened door but u have not learn to acknowledge ur feeling so to get alignment n to acknowledge ur desires. (Maybe this how I felt with the 2 ‘teachers’).
Again, d msg, is ok to have challenges, ok to have bad feeling and I have been blessed with awareness to bring everything together now.
So, alternative loving tot - I m blessed to have awarenss that I m not ok, things r not ok. Instead of people, who go thru their lives, not sure and got insomnia instead. Perhaps is becos I acknowledge things r not ok when I m awake that it didn't cause me sleepless night.
Let's face it, I hav met loads of people, who I tot no challenges but faces sleep trouble.
Mmm, very possible.
4. What is needed. - Success. The higher the waves, the deeper is the wake that follows it. Both shall pass.
Soul - not sure of this. Cos definitely no success but can see impending downturn.
5. Resolution - Going with the flow.
Be completely relaxed and at ease with the water, letting it take him where it will. U r now able to float, trusting life will support u.
Allow this feeling of trust and relaxation to grow more and more, everything is happening exactly as it should.
Soul - true.
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