Awareness means being alive, in the moment...not lost in mind

Dec 18
I got this insight yesterday evening
Mind vs awareness
Awareness is when I am in the moment and I can sense the aliveness of nature.

Somehow when I got it I was bit scared cos its like I finally found the door but I am worried what price I need to pay to go in. So, I went downstairs and watch tv to ignore my findings.

This morning I woke up and the tot is still with me. I also dreamed of working with E. We were discussing on the bonus arrangement.

Father, apart from the loss of comfort 4 days, I also wonder if this would disrupt my plan of settling down with Z. But then again, his financial are tight and we can only meet once a month. And next year, his financial will be fine but he will be busy travelling. No worries I will make time for him cos he is in my Top 5. I won't be going back to the past.

Like V said the new job is giving me the opportunity to work on my strengths. By not taking the offer, I am actually selfishly keeping my strength to myself.

If I looked back, there has always been a naggling fear that my success will keep my partner away and hence I tried not climb corporate ladder.

Issue
Comparison
The way to find out who u r is not by comparing urself with others, but by looking whether u r fulfilling ur own potential in the best way u know how.

External influence
The Dream
Real love comes not from trying to solve ur neediness by depending on a nother, but by developing our own inner richness and maturity. Then we have so much love to give that we naturally draw lovers towards us.

12 Dec 2011 to 28 Jan 2012
52 days Jupiter in Destiny cards
Three of Spades.
It is so creative that if not channelled properly, it can represent indecision, fear and physical stress

This can means we are literally splitting ourselves in two so that we are working two jobs at the same time or somehow pursuing two lifestyles at the same time.

Soul
So true and here E asked me to start on new job asap and straddle in current job. I think that if he wants me to do both, he should be paying me new job salary then.

Jupiter (Age 39 to 51)
Birth - Nine of Hearts in Jupiter
Nine of Hearts in Jupiter is called the "Wish Card". You may get one or more of ur important wishes fulfilled this period
There could also be endings to rships with others with whom u have had business or professional ties. If so, let them go, as this is a good influence for completing things or rships from the past
If u r involved in spiritual work or helping or teaching others in some way, this card is an indicator of great success and could bring huge financial rewards as well.

Soul
Very true
I had one ending at 41 and now age 44, another one. Looks like it is meant to be. My 7 years card, Nine of Hearts in Jupiter said it is a good time for ending of rships in business.

I already mailed regional boss urgently that I am leaving the company and joining sister company.

A tot occurred to me that if E nego on pay then I want my services in current company to be recognised.

I also know what my hesitancy is about. Instead of focusing on the excitement of a new job, a portfolio that I have always wanted, I focused on loss of 4 day work week. I know I will stabilise by 6 months and then can work when I want to and better still, without any salary deduction.

Sadhguru
If u move into a higher intensity of awareness, destroying ur limitation comes naturally to u. If u becomes really aware, then everything that is not true will fall off. Only that which is true will be. Then we do not have to make u jump and do this and that.

Soul
Thank U. This was the final affirmation I needed. I was bit worried whether this is a subsconscious need for external security. I knew I didn't ask for it and infact I had refused numerous time but still not sure. And last week, everything seems to fall through and I just go with the flow and end my job.

This is exactly same msg as Osho
What to do - Awareness
Result - Conscious Breakthrough.

Osho
When u discover ur heart, u find a doorway to the present moment. The senses become crisp and clear, a loving awareness, an acceptance, a Yes to life.

Soul
This is the Inner influence - Inner Voice
If u found ur truth within urself, there is nothing more in this whole existence to find. Truth if functioning through u. Then u live as truth - alive, radiant, contented, blissful, a song unto urself.

(Jan 4 - That is exactly what I am feeling, such sweetness and contentment despite the outside turmoil and even the fear in my mind. Now I know my mind is not me.)