Living my life based on What I don't want - lead to average life..but no greatness

Dec 29
Father, woke up fine. I found myself very nimble during suria. I am able to bend backward and stay there at ease. But I don't really enjoy it. I just know I had to do it and I did it slowly. Shakti and shambavi was fine.

When I was finishing my practice, this insight arise;
Z knows what he wants and go after it, ignoring what he doesn't want. Like he wants expensive car but he forget that he doesn't want to be cash tight.

I know what I don't want and make sure it doesn't happen, ignoring what I want. I do like a lovely bathroom but I don't want to pay the price.

For Z, what is most important is what he wants, he forgot about consequences of what he doesn't want. Like he wants marriage and children but he forgot that he doesn't want unhappiness.

(Jan 27 - Suddenly tot of Z and me; He wants me and he knows I don't want children. Yet, he pursued me and we are still together after 1 year.)

For me, what is most important is what I don't want, I forgot about what I want.

Z and me is the other extreme of each other. Most people knows what they want and balance it with what they don't want.

Both Z and I needs balancing. I told Z that I don't spend and now Z know that he has to save some money as he can see that financial freedom is good.

Just tot of Sadhguru's advice. There is no wrong or right. Do whatever u want to do but just be sure u can accept the consequences.

When I was doing my practices, tots of sathsang came in. I found myself thinking of how to get others to be in sathsang. Key word is participation.

Suddenly I read about Participation in my this week Osho's external influence.
- Make participation your life style.

I just tweet ; go for what u want but remember also what u don't want.

Father, I am not sure what is meant by this week Osho of releasing my conditioning and would find all burdens released, freed.

I find myself more receptive, not feeling the need for control, just letting things be. Even the latest drama of downsizing action plan doesn't affect me. To me, it is not important, just one thing that needs to be done. And I get MD to give the action plan instead.

Father, I am no longer worried about my lack of contribution.
I have been blogging for one hour daily. Father, thanks for giving me new job as I am already bored with current one. In the old days, I would have perceive myself losing value and would want to find a new job to give me the valuation I need. Now, I am who I am. Besides my value is being able to come out with strategy.

Sadhguru
When everything becomes petty in ur life, u r turning spiritual. The so-called big things in ur life become petty when spirituality arise. It is only awareness which can induce this maturity.

When u have the awareness to see through the various activities, compulsions, when u see them simply as an endless rigmarole which does not really lead u to anything in particular, then the spiritual process can begin.

Truth is not a conclusion. Truth is not somewhere u go. It is not a destination; it is just a living experience. You cannot get to truth. U can never get to truth but u can become truth. If u drop all ur nonsense, u r truth. If u r willing to see life, experience life beyond all the limitations that u have gathered in the process of life, then u r truth.

Getting to the very source of who u r is truth. It is always there; it is just that it is covered up with the heap that u gathered in the form of ur body and ur mind.

Soul
This is similar to this week Osho's Resolution card - The burden
A man's true life is the way in which he puts off the lie imposed by others on him. Stripped, naked, natural, he is what he is. This is a matter of being, and not of becoming. The lie cannot become the truth, the personality cannot become ur soul.
The truth cannot be achieved, it is already the case. Only the lie has to be dropped.
All aims and ends and ideals and goals and ideologies, religions and system of improvement and betterment are lies. Beware of them. Recognise the fact that, as u are, u are a lie. In seeing of the lie, it disappears, and what is left is the truth.

Soul
I have seen through the lie in my jobs but not yet on food. However, I have increased my filtering by becoming more conscious of what I eat. I now eat less during dinner. Now I need to buy a weighing machine.

Suddenly tot that my life seems good because I make sure nothing unwanted happens. Now I just need to tweet to make sure what I want happens, while remembering what I don't want and my life will be great.

I still want good food but I don't want to be plump. I want to look good in photos and videos. So, can go for good food, but watch out on quantity.

(Jan 27 - suddenly it occured to me, my leadership in Isha is a lie too. Its a burden...which I released. I now feel much better.)

Four of Hearts
Sign of protection in love, marriage and family. U r feeling so fulfilled in the areas of friendship and romance.

Soul
Yeap, that's how I feel today. Just now I msg Z telling him that I got my new GPS and ready to go to his place. He has asked me a couple of times but I said nope. But now I am ready, even if we got to hide and I may have to come back on my own late at night. But with GPS, I am no longer afraid.
This is a classic case of what I want vs what I don't want.