Settling down with Z (36) - change in Z

Jan 3 Aft

Father, I was surprised that Z called me back in the morning. He has never done this before. Normally I would have to call him. We spoke a bit as we r both busy at work.

I am happy he called back. Such irony, just when it no longer bothers me. Just when I accepted our situation and decided to stay, he finally changed.

For me, I must be conscious of this window of opportunity. There is a tendency for me to avoid out of fear. I just have to remember he is a Diamond and he is for keeps.

Osho
1. The Issue
Integration.
The eagle and the swan are both beings of flight and majesty. The eagle is the embodiment of power and aloneness. The swan is the embodiment of space and purity, gently floating and diving, upon and within the element of the emotions, entirely content and complete within her perfection and beauty.

We are the union of eagle and swan. This card of integration is the symbol of self-creation, new life and mystical union.

Soul
I am beginning to feel like both the eagle and swan in me. Both are equally strong but I am still not sure on which comes first, which to follow. I guess this card is about integration.

2. Internal influence that u r unable to see
Projection.
Ur mind is at the back of the whole thing and the mind is the projector. This agency of the mind is the problem, because mind can create only dreams.
Through ur excitement, the dream starts looking like reality. A projection can be devilish or divine, disturbing or comforting, but it is a projection nonetheless.

Soul
I had negative tot that the change in Z is not real. Well, I didn't expect it and it comes. When it comes to r'ship, I want to use my positive imagination. I deserved to be loved by Z and alas he has open up to loving me.

3. External influence of which u r aware
Ordinariness
U r facing a time now when this easy, natural and utterly ordinary approach to the situations u encounter will bring far better results than any attempt on ur part to be brilliant, clever or extraordinary. Just taking things easily and simply, one step at a time.

Soul
Mmm, one thing is the action plan for company. I am not carrying it on my shoulder, and I am taking a simple way of discussing with the boss.

As for Z, I too am taking his change comfortably. While I am happy, I am not overly excited as I want him to flow at his own pace. I waited for one year plus and I have decided to stay even when there is no hope. So, just go with the flow.

4. What is needed for resolution
Conditioning
Unless u drop ur personality, u will not be able to find ur individuality. Individuality is given by existence; personality is imposed by the society.

Soul
Well, going with the flow is new to me. I am surprised that I can. With the biz is negative, with Z is positive but yet I am taking both neutrally. Not rushing it nor pushing it on my own. Just letting things be, irrespective positive or negative. My role is just to respond, I no longer need to be overly excited or burdened. Just act and need not react.

Father,u r Great. Suddenly I found a sense of calm flowing in my body. Just feeling contented despite the negative turbulence at work and positive change in Z.

5. The understanding
Change
Life repeats itself mindlessly - unless u become mindful, it will go one repeating like a wheel. Birth followed by death, death followed by birth and etc. One day feeling good, and the next day so unhappy.
And it goes on and on, but u don't see the pattern.

It has often been said that the only unchanging thing in the world is change itself. Life is continuously changing, evolving, dying and being reborn. All opposites play a part in this vast circular pattern. If u cling to the edge of the wheel, u can get dizzy!
Move toward the center of the cyclone and relax, knowing that this too will pass.

Soul
Exactly.
I can now handle the turbulence at office.
I will also be able to handle the change in Z. I am still not sure where he is heading but I am following his lead and yet stay grounded.