Settling down with Z (33)

Dec 27

Father, not sure of Osho cards. Only thing I could think of is the invite to Z's place. He has to make me 'hidden' so that neighbours does not know and cannot gossip to his mother. Part of me rebel and said nope. But this time a part of me said yes, cos he is truly making the effort to be with me and I know he wanted me to see his place.

And all my last week suffering was over nothing. He didn't return my call but he was planning for more time with me. Father, I am so glad I listened to U that I didn't give it a tot when I joined my family gathering. I remember his Nine of Spades card. Instead of thinking negative tot, I ask for positive tots instead. Looks like my wish is answered as he wants us to spend more time together.

Also, I was not bothered at all with the massive action plan for office. I didn't even have any tots of it at all. Today I just dropped a note to MD on impact analysis.

(Jan 27 - yea, just trust)

Osho
1. Issue
Harmony
Listen to ur heart, move according to ur heart, whatsoever the stake. To be simple is arduous, to be simple, costs everything that u have, u have to lose all to be simple.

The dolphins that emerge from the heart and make an arc towards the third eye reflect the playfulness and intelligence that comes when we r able to connect with the heart and move into the world from there.

Let urself be softer and more receptive now, because an inexpressible joy is waiting for u just around the corner.

Soul
I am feeling it a bit. At the very least I no longer make myself goes sad.


2. Internal Influence that u r unable to see
The Source
U have to learn how to be at the Source. Then the Source will decide where ur potential is. U can relax at the Source and it will take u to ur very potential.

The Source is always waiting for u, giving u life and nourishment and energy to do anything we need to accomplish something.

Just being grounded, and u don't even have to step out of ur house to find the Source.

Soul
I am beginning to see it.

3. External Influence of which u r aware
Participation.
There is so much joy around, u just have to be aware of it and to become a participant, not a spectator.

Make participation ur lifestyle and the whole existence becomes such a joy, such an ecstasy. U could not have dreamed of a better furniture.

Ur participation will not only nourish u, but will also contribute something precious to the whole.

Soul
Not exactly sure but I will participate with Z.
Also tot of Sadhguru's msg; our ability to respond is limitless

4. What is needed for resolution?
Conditioning
Unless u drop ur personality, u will not be able to find ur individuality. Individuality is given by existence; personality is imposed by the society. Personality is social convenience


Soul
Not sure but tot of my co-operation with Z's weekly session. Previously I would have said nope to all his plans. But I now realised he is doing his part in keeping and growing our relationship. It is now 1 year since we started and we still liked each other.
I have complained on his unreachability. He is now keeping his mobile near him when he is home.

Also tot of new expanded role in 2012. Great that boss reminds me to ask from current regional boss on the package I asked from E. Yea, I should be getting the same. Earlier I tot it would be notional increment since I am still in same company and since we r recruiting FC. Actually by doing so, I am helping them to save costs, so they should be giving me at least the same as what E can give.

Yea, I too must listen to my own advice. Don't sell myself short.

5. Resolution
The Burden
A man's true life is the way in which he puts off the lie imposed by others on him. Stripped, naked, natural, he is what he is. This is a matter of being, and not of becoming.

Soul
Tot of my comparison mode of my relationship with Z. We come a long way and while it is different from others, we have grown deeper and fonder of each other. I just have to trust and continue and don't compare.
Father, suddenly tot of my Result of Eight of Spades once I overcome Pluto of Seven of Spades. I am now determined not to go back to my past, not to compare and falls to insecurity with Z.

Dec 27 Eve
Now updating blog dated Dec 5 and saw this.

Ice-olation
We r miserable because we r too much in the self. When we r too much in the self, it makes us frozen - no longer flowing. If u r flowing, self cannot exist.

In love, the boundaries disappear; in joy also the boundaries disappear because joy is not cold.

Soul
Suddenly tot of my own parameters breaking away, my need for control has loosen. I am willing to go with the flow with Z. And that's the lesson with Z; let go and let God and let the focus be on us instead of me or him. It is not him winning or me losing but it is us winning.