Settling down my mind...settling down Z

Dec 19 Aft

Father, this morning I didn't follow the tots. I saw them but I didn't follow.
Even now tots still come in negatively on Z and me. But I have come to the realisation that if I don't follow, I don't think, then I don't feel. There has been uncountable scenarios that I felt sad about Z and it never materialise. So, I decided to let it slide.

When teacher said I cannot clap during sathsang. For the first time, I was fine. I just replied that it is time for a new silent guide.

Father, I now see what Z has contributed to our rship. It was him that keep it alive, it wasn't me. Infact, I am the one who wants to end it every time.

Ace of Clubs
The birth of a new idea, plan or way of communicating with the world around u. This could also mean a desire to pursue new plans u make.

This is a new beginning of some sort. This could be a new job idea or just embarking on a new way of thinking.

Good time to plan to start something new.

Yea, I am seeing things differently now. Z didn't reply to my messages and didn't return call and yet I am fine. Not sure about tonight but for now I am fine. Since I didn't contribute in energising us, at least I don't create negativity into it.

1. The Issue
Turning in.
When going stops, journeying disappears; when desiring is no more clouding ur mind, u r in.

To develop the knack of taking a distance from the mind is one of the greatest blessing. It is what meditation is all about. U r ready to take this distance now, and to watch the show without getting caught up in the drama. Indulge urself in the simple freedom of Turning In whenever u can, and the knack of meditation will grow and deepen in u.

Soul
I am neither going to him nor going off, just staying put.
Yea, I am learning to do that. Both S, E and Z has not spoken to me and yet I am fine. Things will unfold.

2. Internal influence that u r unable to see
Aloneness
Aloneness is the presence of oneself. It is very positive. It is a presence, an overflowing presence and there is no need for anybody.

When there is no "significant other" in our lives, we can either be lonely or enjoy the freedom that solitude brings.

Be a light unto urself. Ultimately, each of us must develop within ourselves the capacity to make our way through the darkness without any companions or guide.

Soul
I knew and that's why I got my bedroom and bathroom ready. I need not wait for anybody to give me the luxury that I want.

3. External influence of which u r aware
The Miser
The moment u become miserly, u r closed to the basic phenomenon of life: expansion, sharing. The moment u start clinging to things, u have missed the target - ur innermost being is the target, not other things; a rich u, an open being available to million of things is the target.

Loosen ur grip and feel the freedom and expansiveness sharing can bring.

Soul
Yea, I won't hold on to the 4 days week. I can still take off on Friday or whenever I meet Z, no issues.


4. What is needed for resolution?
Awareness.
Once u start dropping tots, the dust that u have collected in the past, the flame arises - clean, clear, alive, young.
Ur whole life becomes a flame, and a flame without any smoke. That is what awareness is.

Let urself settle and remember that deep inside, u r just a witness, eternally silent, aware and unchanged.

Soul
I have been getting this card for the third time consecutively. It started with "results" and now is under "what is needed for resolution".

I am dropping my past tots on money, on Z, on having children, on retirement.

5. Resolution
Patience
In silence and waiting, something inside u goes on growing - ur authentic being. And one day it jumps and becomes a flame and ur whole personality is shattered, u r a new woman. And this woman knows what ceremony is, this new woman knows life's eternal juices.

Now is a time when all that is required is to be simply alert, patient, waiting.