Re-living childhood in adult life

Mar 3
Boss trying to get a degree to feel complete. I can see her compulsion. How about mine?
Me trying to get a partner to feel complete.

At first tot I got to be the Sathsang guide for this week. Also hearing not so great review on him. But then decided that I need not push myself. No need to burden myself. So I asked him to be the guide instead.
Father, no longer wish to be validated in Isha.

Mar 3 eve
Maturity
If a child has not lived his childhood well, then that unlived childhood will enter into his youth - because where will it go? It has to be lived. If he lives his childhood completely, he will become a young man, beautiful, fresh, uncontaminated. He will shed his childhood as a snake sheds  its old skin.

Soul
Mmmmm, a tot came. My teenage years to young adult was retarded when it comes to romantic relationship. Due to my childhood I suppressed and controlled all my romantic feelings.
Then I fall for A and It took me one year plus before I finally declare my feelings. Alas he was not into me. I took a year plus to heal my broken heart.
By the time I was in mid thirties, I started to open and got conned. I was too fresh and naive for the guys in mid to late thirties.
After I got burned I took a long break, a few years and finally open to Z after my first Samyama. It took me more than one and half year to get over Z and then I fall for Y. Alas he too was not into me.

Father, am I retard. I am now forty six. Shouldn't I have let go of this dream of having my partner. Well, it is not lived. Perhaps I just need to live through it. Who knows, maybe the blocked energy will dissolve.

Maturity
A rightly lived childhood brings u to a right, ripe youth - flowing, vital, alive, a wild ocean of energy. A rightly lived youth brings you to the very settled, calm and quiet life. A calm and quiet life brings u to a religious inquiry. A calm and quiet life brings u to meditative moments. Meditation brings u to renounce all that is useless now, just junk, garbage. The whole life becomes garbage; only one thing remain always, eternally valuable, and that is ur awareness.