Breakthrough - It is okay to be redundant

Jul 14
Woke up around 5 am. Alarm was switched for 4.45 am but for Sunday. Laze bit cos waiting for alarm and finally checked its 5.15 am. Skip Angarmadhana. Didn't even do cat stretch.
Did Bhuta Shuddi followed by singing guru pooja.
Did one cycle of Surya kriya, for the first mountain posture, both feet touch ground effortlessly. It was more difficult in subsequent mountain posture but still better than most days.

Still thinking of my yesterday long term wish during Kapalvriksha meditation. I was surprised that I wanted to have my own apartment in Ashram; so I can visit whenever I want to. Its new to me.
Mmm, well I know that I always need an annual retreat to ashram. For me; not a case of volunteering but just a good retreat.

Mmm yesterday L avoided me; which is good. Less chance of unnecessary confrontation. I can see that SF also dislike her. Anyway, thanks to L; my karmic issue on validation is gone.

Life and Death by Sadhguru
Grace is trying to lift u up and gravity holds u down. If u are released from the physical forces of existence, then Grace burst forth in ur life.
Just as gravity is active, Grace is constantly active. It is just that u have to make urself available to it.
With gravity, u have no choice, anyway you are available to it, but with Grace, u have to make urself receptive and available to it. So whatever kind of spiritual work u are do - ultimately u r just working towards making urself available to the force of Grace, because without Grace, u will not be lifted up.

Soul
Amen.
Sannidhi. Found out it cost around USD1.5k; which is okay. Main cost will be renovation.

This morning suddenly feel redundant in Local Isha; translate to low value means I m not useful, not wanted.
Mmm; that's the aim. To be useless and yet wanted. While I have felt resentment for having to always be useful to be wanted. I guess I put myself that way. So this is a beginning. Feeling redundant to others and also to myself.
Becoming no one.
Father, loads of shedding before Kailash.