Focus on my gains instead of my loss

Jul 14 aft

Father, I am feeling restless. I lost everything or rather I let go of everything that used to define me.
I knew its just the ego playing tricks again; my old karmic issues saying me now redundant; what's next.
Issue with Y closed. Issue with Z closed. Issue with E closed. Issue on volunteering closed. Issue on Sathsang guide finally closed yesterday.

I m feeling bit lost; feeling redundant.

I must remember that I m truly blessed. I can go to ashram whenever I want. I can get the Sannidhi I wanted. I can even go to Kailash.
 I am receptive and go into meditative zone whenever I want.

Let me focus on what's I have. Not what I have let go.
This week Osho really true and seems to follow my last week.

1. Issue
Courage
There is no point fighting against the challenges of life or trying to avoid or deny them. They are there and if the seed is to become the flower we must go through them.

Soul
Tot of my 3 wishes
1. My husband in Kailash
2. Me a famous person on self knowing; being interviewed by Oprah
3. Me owning an apartment in ashram. 

All seems far off.
Much to do.
A little part of me said why did u let go of those things u know? I ignored it cos I knew those weren't what I truly value.
Just follow what I want instead of being dictated by fear.

2. Internal influence that u are unaware
Completion.
Whatever has been absorbing ur time and energy is now coming to an end. In completing it, u will be clearing the space for something new to begin. Use this interval to celebrate both - the end of the old and the coming of the new.

Soul
Yes.

3. External influence that u are aware
Celebration
Ur cleverness is ur disease. Don't be too wise. Always remember to stop; don't go to the extreme. A little foolishness and a little wisdom is good and the right combination makes u a Buddha.

Soul
Yea. Just like I m not bothered about Kailash; the same I should be doing now for my wishes.

4. What is needed for resolution?
The Outsider
So u are feeling urself an outsider. This is good. This is transitory period. Now u have to be alert not to fill urself with pain and misery.
Be a man, a woman and stand on ur own feet.
The only way to be connected to existence is to go inwards because there at the center u r still connected.

Whenever we feel left out, or excluded, it brings up this feeling of being a small helpless child. It is not surprising, as the feeling is deeply rooted in our earliest childhood experiences. The problem is that, because it is so deep rooted.
U now have an opportunity to stop the tape, to quit tormenting urself with ideas that u are somehow not 'enough' to be accepted and included.
Recognise the root of this feelings in the past and let go of the old pain. It wil bring u the clarity to see how u can open the gate and enter that which u long to become.