The past is over, sometimes we cling on

Jan 7
Visited Y and his wife at their home.
I was surprised but there is no sadness.
Just happy to see them together.
Also knowing that Y was never meant to be.

Came back feeling bit tired, light the shrine but didn't spend time with them.
Sleep immediately and woke up at 7 am upon alarm.
But I was feeling bit sleep. So just slept back and let body decides.
Woke up at 7.37 am.
Sang guru pooja followed by Yogaasanas.
I am now getting much better on the lying down (front) asanas. I can hold the posture much longer.
The lying down (back) with legs lifted up was already good and now I can hold the two feet at 45 degree at 20 breathe count. Amazing.
As for the 61 point awareness meditation...so lovely.
Just using my awareness to touch my body...feel pleasurable...so ease..

Shakti was good...but suddenly tots of local Isha meeting this week, again I was not invited.
Feeling of being left out, being snubbed come to pix. Feeling of anger towards P for snubbing me. Tots that she deliberately keep me out and etc...Many negative tots..
Tots of P being my friend but don't even share about this or tell me that she exclude me...But then I remember, she is not my close friend..she is not..with that the feeling of being hurt just melt off..
I only remembered that I truly don't want to join the local Isha.
My intention of going is more for friendship..and fear of losing validation..which was already lost anyway. Time to accept that it is truly over with local Isha.

All these tots during Kapala Bhakti...so despite the many tots..I was singing at the end.
Shambavi was good...
Toward the end sitting in silent contentment..and then I cried a bit..feeling lost..but also feeling loved...
Amen.
This just another affirmation that it has ended.

Today card
My Daily Card
The Nine of Spades

The Nine of Spades can be a card of loss and disappointment. However, the true nature of the card reveals that its presence in your life for any period of time does not have to be a disaster. In actuality, the Nine of Spades represents making a completion of some importance. Whether this is the end of a certain occupation, way of life, or way of being with your health and body will depend upon the position of the card and the circumstances in your life at the time. But rest assured that some important aspect of your life is coming to an end when this potent card shows up.

This is also one of the death cards and indeed, when this card shows up there will be a death in your life of some kind. We go through many mini-deaths in the course of our lifetime and just like the snake shedding its skin, arrive at a new and better place each time we do so. Therefore the Nine of Spades is not a card to be feared but instead a card to be welcomed. It always has the ability to clear away all the unwanted and useless debris in our life and put us back on a new course where we are much more enlivened and satisfied.


Soul
Amen.