Jan 31
Father, Z's issue is real life threatening and here mine is all in the mind.
I am humbled by him. I have never admired anyone for their courage but today I did.
Hope he doesn't find me so inconsequential. His story is real and mine is all in the mind.
But it will gave him an idea of me.
Soul
Today I fell into it. I am still not sure what happen. I didn't have my mobile and just do reading, but I kept having tots of Z. I went into the office and did my weekly tarot.
1. Issue.
Past lives
The point is to see and understand the karmic patterns of our lives and their roots in an endless repetitive cycle that traps us in unconscious behaviour. This is a wake up call; the events in ur life trying to show u a pattern as ancient as the journey of ur own soul
Soul
When I read this, I tot of my issue with relationship. I want to go beyond it. I don't want to be tied down again. I have found my inner joy and I won't let my issue with relationship to cloud it.
2. Internal influence that u r unable to see
The Fool
A fool is one who goes on trusting; a fool is one who goes on trusting against all his experience. His trust is tremendous; his trust is so pure that nobody can corrupt it. Each time u don't allow situation to corrupt u, that opportunity will become and integration inside. Ur soul will become more crystalised.
Moment to moment and with every step the Fool leaves the past behind. The Fool has the support of the universe to make this jump into the unknown. Adventures await him in the river of life.
If u trust ur intuition right now, ur feeling of "rightness" of things, u cannot go wrong. Ur actions may appear 'foolish' to others or even to urself if u try to analyse them with the rational mind. But the 'zero' place occupied by the Fool is the numberless number where trust and innocence are the guides, not skepticism and past experience.
Soul
I read this to mean forget about my past issue of failed rship or rship that got aborted even before it start; or of me being conned, which all makes me feel unworthy of being loved.
For once, I know Z do like me as he has hinted so many times and he also repeatedly emphasised that he wants me. and I like him, so why can't we proceed. Why I need to play hide and seek? What is there to fear? Why prolong it? Just believe this will be fine and cut the chase.
I want to go beyond this.
3. External influence that u r aware
Ripeness
Only if ur meditation has brought u a light that shines in every night will even death not be a death to u but a door to the divine. With the light in ur heart, death itself is transform into a door.
When the food is ripe, it drops from the tree by itself. One moment it hangs by a thread from the branches of the tree, bursting with juice. The next moment it falls - not because it has been forced to fall or has made the effort to jump, but because the tree has recognised its ripeness and simply let go.
U r ready to share ur inner riches, ur 'juice'. All u need to do is relax where u r and be willing for it to happen.
Soul
I don't know why. When I read this I suddenly sent him the mail about my humbleness and admiration for him. My confession that I too was lonely and my proposal to spend time together, doing things we like. I had no plan to tell, it just happen. Even now I wonder what happen.
4. What is needed for resolution
Schizophrenia
Man is split. The whole effort of Zen is how to drop the divided mind of man, how to become undivided, integrated, centered. U have many voices. If u want to say 'yes', immediately the 'no' is there. U cannot even utter a simple word 'yes' with totality... In this way, happiness is not possible; unhappiness is a natural consequence of split personality.
Getting stuck between a rock and a hard place. We r in precisely this sort of situation when we get stuck in the indecisive and dualistic aspect of the mind. Should I let go of my arms and fall head first or let my legs go and fall feet first? Should I say yes or not. And whatever decision we make, we will always wonder if we should have decided the other way. The only way out of this dilemma, is unfortunately to let go of both arm and feet. U can't work ur way out of this one by solving it, or in any way working it out with ur mind. Better follow ur heart, if u can find. If u can't find it, just jump.
Soul
Suddenly I knew I don't want to prolong ding dong. I wanted to shake it and face it. That's why I wrote the mail. I now have my inner joy and I don't want to be eroded.
5. Resolution
Friendliness
First meditate, be blissful, then much love will happen of its own accord. Then being with others is beautiful and being alone is also beautiful. Then it is awalys a friendship, a friendliness. U don't depend on others and u don't make others depend on u.
The intertwined trees represent the essence of true friends, mature, easy with each other, natural. There is no urgency about their connection, no neediness, no desire to change the other into something else. This card indicates a readiness to enter this quality of friendliness.
U r no longer interested in all kinds of dramas and romances that other people are engaged in. It is not a loss. It is the birth of a higher, more loving quality born of the fullness of experience. It is the birth of a love that is truly unconditional, without expectations or demands.
Soul
When I read this I was reminded by my Seven of Heart msg. So, without a tot I declare my passion for him. I was surprised to see me ok for whole day besides no response.
Soul
There were no response from him at all. No text, no mail and no call. Complete silence. I was disappointed but not sad. Surprisingly I can cope. I then remember about him not responding to my mail on the Power of Deflation at all. It was one month later at sathsang that he commented on my writings and we then come to this stage.
I remember he didn't reply my call and forgot about it. I remember him watching the show with me.
Negative tots try to come in but I didn't want to entertain.
I wan to see the positive and it may be a good thing, that means he is pondering, thinking before he responds. He wants to be doubly sure. Yeap, choosing me means he cannot do other exploration. He asked if I drink and what time I wake up. He doesn't seem to like the answe per se.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Cosmic Lesson (3)
Jan 30 Eve
Soul
I told Z that I only date smart guys and they aren't that many. And to find guys who are smarter than me is not easy. He reiterated that he is definitely not a very smart guy, he is just average.
Since he shared his stories, now I know why he was affected when I said I only dated smart guy.
(Feb 18 - It took courage for him to say that. Just like it took courage for me to say that I was older than him. Both of us are upfront and open with each other.)
He is so open with me. He told me after S, I am the second person who know his stories. He has open his doors. Father, S is envious of him and have been giving us 'not so good' perception about him. S even said that Z is 'story' and who would dare to take him on. Of course Z is oblivious to S and think the world of S as he recommended him to the tool of calming his mind and they have been friends since childhood.
Just now I text boss to thank her for the tickets and told her my friend and I enjoyed it. She asked if the friend a man. I replied he is a man that I like. For the first time in my life, I admire a person.
Father, he is a lonely man. But unlike me he search for partner. His story about a gal torn between him and another guy and he gave her 2 years to decide. That is 'bad', he must be really hooked to have agreed to it.
For me, I searched within and I am comfortable alone. But now I do want companionship.
Seven of Heart start yesterday. I send the invite for CNY but no reply except for R, J and C who cannot come. Mmm, who knows. If the Isha people doesn't turn up, I can ask A and gang.
Mars in Libra
U r courageous, strong, daring and possess healthy sexual appetite. U spur ur partner to reach new levels of stimulation.
There are indication u r hot blooded, vigorous, vital, energetic
Spicy food perks u up. U urself are a spicy dish who can churn the hot love juices of another.
You can be excited by very aggressive styles of love making. You are flamboyant and strong. U can achieve the unusual and the extraordinary. U can develop supernatural sexual prowess. You enjoy vigorous intense love plays and power plays and combine the two.
You experience very powerful and passionate energies. Sexual energy exchanges will transform u, ur life and ur lifestyle.
You are motivated by passion and deep commitment to people and causes.
U have some very fast reflexes and can be drawn to high speed machines. Until u deal with issues of anger, it may seem as if u injury or accident or disaster prone.
Soul
I always ignored this part cos I tot it was totally not true.
The only part i experience is the accident prone part and I amd deeply committed to people and causes.
But recently I noticed I am driving fast and I can drive my brother's car effortlessly.
As for the passion..i know i am affected by Z easily...but the rest I am not sure
But now that I found Z ...I am hoping this could be true...
Soul
I told Z that I only date smart guys and they aren't that many. And to find guys who are smarter than me is not easy. He reiterated that he is definitely not a very smart guy, he is just average.
Since he shared his stories, now I know why he was affected when I said I only dated smart guy.
(Feb 18 - It took courage for him to say that. Just like it took courage for me to say that I was older than him. Both of us are upfront and open with each other.)
He is so open with me. He told me after S, I am the second person who know his stories. He has open his doors. Father, S is envious of him and have been giving us 'not so good' perception about him. S even said that Z is 'story' and who would dare to take him on. Of course Z is oblivious to S and think the world of S as he recommended him to the tool of calming his mind and they have been friends since childhood.
Just now I text boss to thank her for the tickets and told her my friend and I enjoyed it. She asked if the friend a man. I replied he is a man that I like. For the first time in my life, I admire a person.
Father, he is a lonely man. But unlike me he search for partner. His story about a gal torn between him and another guy and he gave her 2 years to decide. That is 'bad', he must be really hooked to have agreed to it.
For me, I searched within and I am comfortable alone. But now I do want companionship.
Seven of Heart start yesterday. I send the invite for CNY but no reply except for R, J and C who cannot come. Mmm, who knows. If the Isha people doesn't turn up, I can ask A and gang.
Mars in Libra
U r courageous, strong, daring and possess healthy sexual appetite. U spur ur partner to reach new levels of stimulation.
There are indication u r hot blooded, vigorous, vital, energetic
Spicy food perks u up. U urself are a spicy dish who can churn the hot love juices of another.
You can be excited by very aggressive styles of love making. You are flamboyant and strong. U can achieve the unusual and the extraordinary. U can develop supernatural sexual prowess. You enjoy vigorous intense love plays and power plays and combine the two.
You experience very powerful and passionate energies. Sexual energy exchanges will transform u, ur life and ur lifestyle.
You are motivated by passion and deep commitment to people and causes.
U have some very fast reflexes and can be drawn to high speed machines. Until u deal with issues of anger, it may seem as if u injury or accident or disaster prone.
Soul
I always ignored this part cos I tot it was totally not true.
The only part i experience is the accident prone part and I amd deeply committed to people and causes.
But recently I noticed I am driving fast and I can drive my brother's car effortlessly.
As for the passion..i know i am affected by Z easily...but the rest I am not sure
But now that I found Z ...I am hoping this could be true...
Cosmic Lesson (2)
Jan 30
Father, woke up at 5 am alert and tot of Z. Try to sleep but am wide awake, which is surprising cos I slept around 2 am. I felt the energy in the orchestra place. I think the music cleans it up and looks like I was right.
Yesterday was quite an eye opener for me. He asked me to eat local food after the orchestra performance. If this was me a year ago, I would freak out and asked to go for western food. This time I let him decide cos I knew my resistance to his type food. And I recall I once also went for my local food after an orchestra performance. So, I went cordially but smiling inside.
I was so humbled by his sharing and I emphatised with his suffering. He is so strong mentally and I tot I was strong. Despite all the suffering, he stood strong, act objectively without bitterness, can even forgive for the family. And last he has faith that he will come out of this stronger and he will be happy again.
I am in awe of him. He is my hero. He has done what I aim to do. I look up to him. He is a diamond.
Father, now I finally understand what 7thunder card meant that a Cosmic Lesson Card is my teacher. It truly is. He has renewed my commitment to my destiny.
Father, woke up at 5 am alert and tot of Z. Try to sleep but am wide awake, which is surprising cos I slept around 2 am. I felt the energy in the orchestra place. I think the music cleans it up and looks like I was right.
Yesterday was quite an eye opener for me. He asked me to eat local food after the orchestra performance. If this was me a year ago, I would freak out and asked to go for western food. This time I let him decide cos I knew my resistance to his type food. And I recall I once also went for my local food after an orchestra performance. So, I went cordially but smiling inside.
I was so humbled by his sharing and I emphatised with his suffering. He is so strong mentally and I tot I was strong. Despite all the suffering, he stood strong, act objectively without bitterness, can even forgive for the family. And last he has faith that he will come out of this stronger and he will be happy again.
I am in awe of him. He is my hero. He has done what I aim to do. I look up to him. He is a diamond.
Father, now I finally understand what 7thunder card meant that a Cosmic Lesson Card is my teacher. It truly is. He has renewed my commitment to my destiny.
Cosmic Lesson
Jan 29 Eve
Father, now I knew what Seven of Spade means, keeping Faith. Z has shared with me his history. He really made up himself. He has a real tough background and marriage. But he never once complained and he just dealt with it.
I felt so humbled by him.
When I compared with him S, I had the impression he was the privileged one, while S was not. It turn out S was the privileged one.
I am so humbled by him. From now on, I remember that I am so blessed.
He really tot me of Seven of Spade.
I have so much blessing and still have difficulty in faith.
He said that he has been inactive about few years ago and now open up. My first tot was then he won't choose me as he wants someone experienced. But that was negative, putting myself down. Perhaps since he is inactive and I have never been active, we r right for each other, then we r game.
I don't know about me but the natal chart said I have it. So, perhaps he was the igniter. After tonight, I become more sure that he is a fine man and I wanted him.
He asked for the ebook and I will give it to him.
(Feb 18 - have not give and don't really plan to. As this is my expression platform.)
From there he can guess I was never active due to my fear. I told him I was holding it back as I am not sure. Besides he doesn't have time to read, he replied that he will read it. Then I said my door not open yet and he replied he would break down the door one by one.
Stay positive as we r really right for each other. When I hear his stories, I said silently to him, "You are never going thru hard time again. I am here to love u. You deserved to be loved". He is a real diamond, why didn't the wife appreciate him? Anyway, her loss, my gain.
(Feb 18 - last week, a fellow participant as the Self awareness seminar, said the same thing; I deserved to be love..and she wanted me to be married. Mmm, Z also said the same thing, he said he care for me and I deserved to be happily married.)
Let's keep this going.
He show his love by giving them food and spending quality time. That's me too. We r so alike. Like he said he is simple and I am too. I guess what is it, is that we want a simple outer life as internally we have faced so much.
And he doesn't have hobby apart from food. So like me. But now I have cultivated my writing and this year on my body. I want to experience with him. The mountain bike, I like that too. But I am game. I like the exploring during weekend.
Cosmic lesson
Seven of Spade
Challenge u to rise to higher level of thinking, speaking and acting in areas where u r likely to be holding some negative patterns that need to be changed.
If u r willing to take responsibility for ur condition and practice positively in spite of circumstances, u can realise the powerful spiritual potential of this card and attain new heights. In its highest form, this is the card of Faith.
You need to root out any habits that are negative and creating negative results in ur life.
To have success u want, u will have to make some changes in ur behaviour and in ur whole approach to these areas. U need to rise beyond ur normal fears and concerns. U need to adopt a more positive, unattached attitude.
Affirmation
I am tapping into the source of God energy and transforming all the negativity in my life into fearlessness and appreciation. I am living faith.
Soul
Father, I am ready to face my fear of having relationship, my fear of being physical. Today, he has taught me about what is faith. He has gone beyond what is normal. And if he can have faith thru all his sufferings and disadvantages, what's more me. From now onward, I will cancel all my negative tots about having rship. My love life is effortless and that's means everything I have or don't have is right.
(Feb 18 - I finally able to read Expect a Miracle; I bought this a few years ago. I read it and I can see my issue but I cannot see any hope for me. It also talked about meditation and etc, something that I wasnt keen in. Surprisingly, I can now read the book and most of it I am already practising. Great!)
CLF Lifetime Cosmic Lesson card (1st connection between Queen of Diamond and Seven of Spade)
Z plays the role of 'teacher' for u in some fashion in ur life. Their presence in ur life is a reminder of some great lesson that u must learn regarding ur role. They remind u of some of ur own shortcomings and this can be instrumental in ur finding ur path to ur highest potential. There is an unconscious desire in u to find the role that suits u best as it relates to u being a contribution to the world in a powerful and meaningful way.
Affirmation
Z shows me my highest potential and points to my highest role in this lifetime in a way that inspires me to greater heights.
Soul
I already sees it. He humbled me and I have no excuse not to pursue my destiny. I also can overcome my fear of relationship and have the effortless rship I wanted. He taught me to have Faith.
CLFS Spiritual Cosmic lesson card
Z represents a part of the lessons u r here to learn in this lifetime. Specifically they reflect the lessons u r learning involving ur responsibilities in the larger scheme of things - to a society and to the race of man.
In some way, Z reminds u of things u must do or become that will be a help to the world. If u r cosmically inclined, this relationship could lead u to ur destiny.
Soul
My issue is relationship and Z is in it.. In order to be a Transformational Leader, I firstly need to transform myself. And Seven of Spade says its all..
Queen of Diamond
Those who have a personal commitment to finding the truth within them will make this journey. They can defy the normal Queen of Diamond pattern and have a successful and long lasting marriage or relationship. The relationship are challenges, not fated curses. With conscious awareness and love, any negative pattern in any Birth Card can be transformed into a high expression of profound beauty.
Feb 18
I am committed. Everything is unfolding...
Father, now I knew what Seven of Spade means, keeping Faith. Z has shared with me his history. He really made up himself. He has a real tough background and marriage. But he never once complained and he just dealt with it.
I felt so humbled by him.
When I compared with him S, I had the impression he was the privileged one, while S was not. It turn out S was the privileged one.
I am so humbled by him. From now on, I remember that I am so blessed.
He really tot me of Seven of Spade.
I have so much blessing and still have difficulty in faith.
He said that he has been inactive about few years ago and now open up. My first tot was then he won't choose me as he wants someone experienced. But that was negative, putting myself down. Perhaps since he is inactive and I have never been active, we r right for each other, then we r game.
I don't know about me but the natal chart said I have it. So, perhaps he was the igniter. After tonight, I become more sure that he is a fine man and I wanted him.
He asked for the ebook and I will give it to him.
(Feb 18 - have not give and don't really plan to. As this is my expression platform.)
From there he can guess I was never active due to my fear. I told him I was holding it back as I am not sure. Besides he doesn't have time to read, he replied that he will read it. Then I said my door not open yet and he replied he would break down the door one by one.
Stay positive as we r really right for each other. When I hear his stories, I said silently to him, "You are never going thru hard time again. I am here to love u. You deserved to be loved". He is a real diamond, why didn't the wife appreciate him? Anyway, her loss, my gain.
(Feb 18 - last week, a fellow participant as the Self awareness seminar, said the same thing; I deserved to be love..and she wanted me to be married. Mmm, Z also said the same thing, he said he care for me and I deserved to be happily married.)
Let's keep this going.
He show his love by giving them food and spending quality time. That's me too. We r so alike. Like he said he is simple and I am too. I guess what is it, is that we want a simple outer life as internally we have faced so much.
And he doesn't have hobby apart from food. So like me. But now I have cultivated my writing and this year on my body. I want to experience with him. The mountain bike, I like that too. But I am game. I like the exploring during weekend.
Cosmic lesson
Seven of Spade
Challenge u to rise to higher level of thinking, speaking and acting in areas where u r likely to be holding some negative patterns that need to be changed.
If u r willing to take responsibility for ur condition and practice positively in spite of circumstances, u can realise the powerful spiritual potential of this card and attain new heights. In its highest form, this is the card of Faith.
You need to root out any habits that are negative and creating negative results in ur life.
To have success u want, u will have to make some changes in ur behaviour and in ur whole approach to these areas. U need to rise beyond ur normal fears and concerns. U need to adopt a more positive, unattached attitude.
Affirmation
I am tapping into the source of God energy and transforming all the negativity in my life into fearlessness and appreciation. I am living faith.
Soul
Father, I am ready to face my fear of having relationship, my fear of being physical. Today, he has taught me about what is faith. He has gone beyond what is normal. And if he can have faith thru all his sufferings and disadvantages, what's more me. From now onward, I will cancel all my negative tots about having rship. My love life is effortless and that's means everything I have or don't have is right.
(Feb 18 - I finally able to read Expect a Miracle; I bought this a few years ago. I read it and I can see my issue but I cannot see any hope for me. It also talked about meditation and etc, something that I wasnt keen in. Surprisingly, I can now read the book and most of it I am already practising. Great!)
CLF Lifetime Cosmic Lesson card (1st connection between Queen of Diamond and Seven of Spade)
Z plays the role of 'teacher' for u in some fashion in ur life. Their presence in ur life is a reminder of some great lesson that u must learn regarding ur role. They remind u of some of ur own shortcomings and this can be instrumental in ur finding ur path to ur highest potential. There is an unconscious desire in u to find the role that suits u best as it relates to u being a contribution to the world in a powerful and meaningful way.
Affirmation
Z shows me my highest potential and points to my highest role in this lifetime in a way that inspires me to greater heights.
Soul
I already sees it. He humbled me and I have no excuse not to pursue my destiny. I also can overcome my fear of relationship and have the effortless rship I wanted. He taught me to have Faith.
CLFS Spiritual Cosmic lesson card
Z represents a part of the lessons u r here to learn in this lifetime. Specifically they reflect the lessons u r learning involving ur responsibilities in the larger scheme of things - to a society and to the race of man.
In some way, Z reminds u of things u must do or become that will be a help to the world. If u r cosmically inclined, this relationship could lead u to ur destiny.
Soul
My issue is relationship and Z is in it.. In order to be a Transformational Leader, I firstly need to transform myself. And Seven of Spade says its all..
Queen of Diamond
Those who have a personal commitment to finding the truth within them will make this journey. They can defy the normal Queen of Diamond pattern and have a successful and long lasting marriage or relationship. The relationship are challenges, not fated curses. With conscious awareness and love, any negative pattern in any Birth Card can be transformed into a high expression of profound beauty.
Feb 18
I am committed. Everything is unfolding...
Facing my karma in relationship (17)
Jan 29
C said I have faced my Saturn Card, Seven of Club. And now graduated to Cosmic lesson, Seven of Spade. So, looks like I have negativity in many things :(
Z didn't return call. Normally I would have killed it. Just now woke up and tot give him another chance. I remember I have to change myself in facing my Cosmic lesson.
My Seven of Heart is my issue. He is just my tool. My destiny is Queen of Spade and I am ready.
So, after invocation I text him for tonite meetup. After I finished my practices, I was singing immediately. Thereafter, the song came again, "Two less lonely people in the world, now that we found one another".
Mid morning
I still have negative tots running through that I ignored. No one can take my joy away. Not him not anyone. I also told myself don't blame him. Its my own issue, I attract him in my life.
Went for brunch. My mom said she wants to buy grocery for the veg lunch she is making for my friends.
I was so happy. My mom is the best. Honestly, I was still pondering whether to invite them or not. But mom made it possible and choice made. So, I invited them.
Then still no reply from him. But I remember he woke up around noon. True enough he sms me around noon. As expected he never been there. He told me he is free and his time is spent either on his business or his thesis. We agreed to meet up. Father, I like him. He is funny, not afraid that I laugh, that I am smart...
I am looking forward to the meetup. I like to experience things together. He is so refreshing and funny and he allow me to be funny too. We r good for each other. Both of us have quite intense moments with our work, so its great that our relationship is effortless. Let's just be happy together. I for one, commit not to be needing him, not to extract from him, just want to share with him my joy and laughter, experiencing things together.
C said I have faced my Saturn Card, Seven of Club. And now graduated to Cosmic lesson, Seven of Spade. So, looks like I have negativity in many things :(
Z didn't return call. Normally I would have killed it. Just now woke up and tot give him another chance. I remember I have to change myself in facing my Cosmic lesson.
My Seven of Heart is my issue. He is just my tool. My destiny is Queen of Spade and I am ready.
So, after invocation I text him for tonite meetup. After I finished my practices, I was singing immediately. Thereafter, the song came again, "Two less lonely people in the world, now that we found one another".
Mid morning
I still have negative tots running through that I ignored. No one can take my joy away. Not him not anyone. I also told myself don't blame him. Its my own issue, I attract him in my life.
Went for brunch. My mom said she wants to buy grocery for the veg lunch she is making for my friends.
I was so happy. My mom is the best. Honestly, I was still pondering whether to invite them or not. But mom made it possible and choice made. So, I invited them.
Then still no reply from him. But I remember he woke up around noon. True enough he sms me around noon. As expected he never been there. He told me he is free and his time is spent either on his business or his thesis. We agreed to meet up. Father, I like him. He is funny, not afraid that I laugh, that I am smart...
I am looking forward to the meetup. I like to experience things together. He is so refreshing and funny and he allow me to be funny too. We r good for each other. Both of us have quite intense moments with our work, so its great that our relationship is effortless. Let's just be happy together. I for one, commit not to be needing him, not to extract from him, just want to share with him my joy and laughter, experiencing things together.
Facing my karma in relationship (16)
Jan 28 Eve
Today saw my ex boss, G. The amazing part is I went to him happily. There were no feeling of self-consciousness. I recalled years ago, I had some reservations, but now totally gone. Infact I was so glad to see him.
This afternoon saw boss yo yo on her insecurity. She said she knows she is insecure but why does M need to trigger it.
I saw mine issue too. I made the choice to call him but he didn't reply. Then my uncertainty comes out and firstly I tried to close the door and then secondly I felt bad.
Just now called C over some matters and she suddenly shared about her marriage and her uncertainty about the possible third party. I told her she has decided to stay and hence need to handle her insecurities. Why make herself unhappy??
My first tot was I want to end the uncertainty and called Z. Then as I was watching my breathe, I asked myself is this needing or sharing. I replied is needing. Me calling him is to remove the uncertainty and I don't want to do that.
Father, since my issue is insecurity, this lesson with Z is perfect. He doesn't reply phone call immediately and can delay reply sms by few hours.
Father, I promise myself. I will only call when I want to share and not when I want to extract. Let me stay with this uncertainty, this feeling of insecurity that I am attracted to a guy that its not that into me. So, perfect lesson. Like C said, I have overcome my Seven of Club Saturn Card and now pursue to Seven of Spade Cosmic lesson.
Father, no one is allowed to rob me of my joy. He is not in me. I no longer want to trap myself in the mind game. I will stay in this uncertainty rather than to beg for love. I have so much love in me and I love myself.
(Feb 18 - now I know its my pain body activated. And according to Ekhart Tolle and 7thunder, use the opportunity to remove illusion so that I can be my true self.)
Now I truly understand my Osho card
Issue - Change
Life repeats itself mindlessly - unless u become mindful, it will go on repeating like a wheel.
Move to the center of the cyclones and relax, knowing that this too will pass.
Father, I am watching my breathe and I felt easier. My love life is effortless.
What is needed
Thunderbolt
U must be feeling pretty shaky right now, as if the earth is rocking beneath ur feet. Ur sense of security is being challenged, and the natural tendency is to try to hold on to whatever u can.
But this inner earthquake is both necessary and tremendously important - if u allow it, u will emerge from the wreckage stronger and more available for new experience.
After the fire, the earth is replenished; after the storm the air is clear. Try to watch the destruction with detachment, almost as if it were happening to somebody else. Say yes to the process by meeting it halfway.
Resolution
Receptivity
Listening means forgetting urself completely - only then u can listen.
A time of unboundedness and gratitude for whatever life brings, without expectations aor demands. Sensitivity, intuition and compassion are the qualities that shine forth now, dissolving our obstacles that keep us separate from each other and from the whole.
Soul
Amen. I am much better, neediness is gone. I just watch my breathe.
Soul
Now I am experiencing it.
Today saw my ex boss, G. The amazing part is I went to him happily. There were no feeling of self-consciousness. I recalled years ago, I had some reservations, but now totally gone. Infact I was so glad to see him.
This afternoon saw boss yo yo on her insecurity. She said she knows she is insecure but why does M need to trigger it.
I saw mine issue too. I made the choice to call him but he didn't reply. Then my uncertainty comes out and firstly I tried to close the door and then secondly I felt bad.
Just now called C over some matters and she suddenly shared about her marriage and her uncertainty about the possible third party. I told her she has decided to stay and hence need to handle her insecurities. Why make herself unhappy??
My first tot was I want to end the uncertainty and called Z. Then as I was watching my breathe, I asked myself is this needing or sharing. I replied is needing. Me calling him is to remove the uncertainty and I don't want to do that.
Father, since my issue is insecurity, this lesson with Z is perfect. He doesn't reply phone call immediately and can delay reply sms by few hours.
Father, I promise myself. I will only call when I want to share and not when I want to extract. Let me stay with this uncertainty, this feeling of insecurity that I am attracted to a guy that its not that into me. So, perfect lesson. Like C said, I have overcome my Seven of Club Saturn Card and now pursue to Seven of Spade Cosmic lesson.
Father, no one is allowed to rob me of my joy. He is not in me. I no longer want to trap myself in the mind game. I will stay in this uncertainty rather than to beg for love. I have so much love in me and I love myself.
(Feb 18 - now I know its my pain body activated. And according to Ekhart Tolle and 7thunder, use the opportunity to remove illusion so that I can be my true self.)
Now I truly understand my Osho card
Issue - Change
Life repeats itself mindlessly - unless u become mindful, it will go on repeating like a wheel.
Move to the center of the cyclones and relax, knowing that this too will pass.
Father, I am watching my breathe and I felt easier. My love life is effortless.
What is needed
Thunderbolt
U must be feeling pretty shaky right now, as if the earth is rocking beneath ur feet. Ur sense of security is being challenged, and the natural tendency is to try to hold on to whatever u can.
But this inner earthquake is both necessary and tremendously important - if u allow it, u will emerge from the wreckage stronger and more available for new experience.
After the fire, the earth is replenished; after the storm the air is clear. Try to watch the destruction with detachment, almost as if it were happening to somebody else. Say yes to the process by meeting it halfway.
Resolution
Receptivity
Listening means forgetting urself completely - only then u can listen.
A time of unboundedness and gratitude for whatever life brings, without expectations aor demands. Sensitivity, intuition and compassion are the qualities that shine forth now, dissolving our obstacles that keep us separate from each other and from the whole.
Soul
Amen. I am much better, neediness is gone. I just watch my breathe.
Soul
Now I am experiencing it.
Facing my karma in relationship (15)
Jan 28
Father, I am good. The right elbow was bit stiff. But I know the worst is over. It was an effortless suria namaskara. I did longer breathe watching today and so practice took 3 hours. During shakti tots of Z came into pix and I got myself hooked for awhile and later I unhooked. Then came some tots of today meeting.
Yesterday received philharmonic tickets from boss. 1st tot I saw L but my mom comes first. No tots of Z at all. Then this morning after my practices, I tot of inviting Z instead. He look bit tired and I want to give him a treat. I think he may not have gone before and it will be an experience.
(Feb 18 - my projection as he later told me he felt refreshed. Actually he was angry with me for ignoring him after I asked him to come for meeting.)
At first tot of texting and then I said I don't to wait for half day to get answer. Then a tot came, u will have to face rejection. I said I don't care cos I can face it. No big deal.
Then I tot of my fear of facing public as a speaker vs writing. When I write, the response is not immediate and both good or bad response is not known. I can excuse myself by saying I didn't do promotion. But If I proceed with promotion and there is no sales, then the delayed response is rejection. But because the audience is unknown I don't take it personally and hence don't feel bad.
However, if I do public speaking, the response is immediate and there is more risk. Guess the 80/20 rules comes in again.
Father, I am good. The right elbow was bit stiff. But I know the worst is over. It was an effortless suria namaskara. I did longer breathe watching today and so practice took 3 hours. During shakti tots of Z came into pix and I got myself hooked for awhile and later I unhooked. Then came some tots of today meeting.
Yesterday received philharmonic tickets from boss. 1st tot I saw L but my mom comes first. No tots of Z at all. Then this morning after my practices, I tot of inviting Z instead. He look bit tired and I want to give him a treat. I think he may not have gone before and it will be an experience.
(Feb 18 - my projection as he later told me he felt refreshed. Actually he was angry with me for ignoring him after I asked him to come for meeting.)
At first tot of texting and then I said I don't to wait for half day to get answer. Then a tot came, u will have to face rejection. I said I don't care cos I can face it. No big deal.
Then I tot of my fear of facing public as a speaker vs writing. When I write, the response is not immediate and both good or bad response is not known. I can excuse myself by saying I didn't do promotion. But If I proceed with promotion and there is no sales, then the delayed response is rejection. But because the audience is unknown I don't take it personally and hence don't feel bad.
However, if I do public speaking, the response is immediate and there is more risk. Guess the 80/20 rules comes in again.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Ace of Diamond's Spiritual Spread (2)
Jan 27 Eve
Spiritual Spread in Ace of Diamonds
Six of Spades in Neptune
- dream of finding my life's purpose
Ten of Spades in long range
- working hard
Seven of Spades as Cosmic Lesson
This is the card of faith. You are the captain of ur fate. Success with this card requires rising to a new level of living that is beyond our normal fears and concerns. For those involved in spiritual work, this influence challenges u to move toward more success and make progress toward ur work and personal goals.
Affirmation.
I am tapping into the source of God energy and transforming all the negativity in my life into fearlessness and appreciation. I am living faith.
(Feb 6 - Z is Seven of Spades, my cosmic lesson card. I am learning courage/fearlessness from him. My destiny is in becoming a Transformational leader and be with my loving husband. I will continue with all my practices.)
Eight of Spades in Results
As a result of contending with ur Cosmic lesson card and largely associated with it, is the element of developing a strong will-power and determination that can help u overcome any obstacles in ur path. The obstacles may be about work or health or simply whatever ur Cosmic lesson describes, but it is certain that u will accomplish this power and success in the end. Don't forget this when times get tough, as they inevitably do.
Affirmation
I create success in my work and health and other areas of my life. I develop the will power to overcome all problems.
(Feb 6 - Father, thanks for the motivation. I now know why Z comes into my life. I also finally understood my cosmic lesson. I am going above my normal fears. Even problems can now be viewed positively as happy problems. Instead of fearing about suffering/challenges for having Z, I can now viewed it like a graduation test. Like C said, I graduated from Diploma and now into degree programs, and hence the meet with cosmic card.)
Spiritual Spread in Ace of Diamonds
Six of Spades in Neptune
- dream of finding my life's purpose
Ten of Spades in long range
- working hard
Seven of Spades as Cosmic Lesson
This is the card of faith. You are the captain of ur fate. Success with this card requires rising to a new level of living that is beyond our normal fears and concerns. For those involved in spiritual work, this influence challenges u to move toward more success and make progress toward ur work and personal goals.
Affirmation.
I am tapping into the source of God energy and transforming all the negativity in my life into fearlessness and appreciation. I am living faith.
(Feb 6 - Z is Seven of Spades, my cosmic lesson card. I am learning courage/fearlessness from him. My destiny is in becoming a Transformational leader and be with my loving husband. I will continue with all my practices.)
Eight of Spades in Results
As a result of contending with ur Cosmic lesson card and largely associated with it, is the element of developing a strong will-power and determination that can help u overcome any obstacles in ur path. The obstacles may be about work or health or simply whatever ur Cosmic lesson describes, but it is certain that u will accomplish this power and success in the end. Don't forget this when times get tough, as they inevitably do.
Affirmation
I create success in my work and health and other areas of my life. I develop the will power to overcome all problems.
(Feb 6 - Father, thanks for the motivation. I now know why Z comes into my life. I also finally understood my cosmic lesson. I am going above my normal fears. Even problems can now be viewed positively as happy problems. Instead of fearing about suffering/challenges for having Z, I can now viewed it like a graduation test. Like C said, I graduated from Diploma and now into degree programs, and hence the meet with cosmic card.)
Guide to staying on to my Destiny
Jan 27 Eve
A few weeks ago, I tot I wanted to do public speaking workshop or seminar and was asking around. Coincidentally, I spoke to a Trainer about my need.
She just mailed me an excerpt of training called Samurai Game.
Training send by a Trainer
The Samurai Game takes you on a journey of internal self-awareness and mastery. The realisations you stand to gain are profound yet very private. Although it is conducted in a group, no one knows what anyone else is going through.
The outcome is different for each individual as everyone would be at a different level of self-awareness. The best way I can put it down in words is that The Samurai Game is almost like a ‘Test of Character’ where you peel away your external skills and behaviours to discover the core essence of who you are, and the outcome is an understanding of The Bushido Code and how it will bring fulfillment in life as well as business.
Father, I saw that brochure email and I ignored it as the brochure doesn't indicate much. Now that the Trainer explained it, I am keen to explore. Then 10 minutes later, I received another internal mail that asked me if I want to join. So, double whammy! I am going and its from 10 Feb to 12 Feb in outstation. Sathsang is on Sunday 13 Feb. Mmm, I was thinking staying back 1 day and let J do the sathsang. But on second tot, it may be great to see how I fare after the pgm.
This morning tot of having a collaborator. I want someone that I can bounce ideas/concept and who can give me input on my article. My current editor provides only english output. Tot of H, but know that her graduation will lead her to go to 2nd phase of her teaching career. Tot of M, but she did not revert. While she can do pix, she would not be able to discuss concept/idea with me.
Yday, I shared with S, a junior colleague that I have finally launched my ebook. S asked for a copy, which I ignored. S was persistent and I finally gave him the least controversial article that I have written on 80 dead end loss/20 extrapolated wins. He read and told me he like it. Then I gave him a second article on The power of deflation and he said he like it very much.
He asked if I had planned out the scope for the writing. He said the stories are good, but the main attraction is the zest / concept and it stayed in his mind. I replied there is no planning, the insight arise when the experience happens.
Then I asked him to think for me promotion points. He said to put pix that relates to the article's zest.
Father, I think he could be my collaborator.
I told him that I am still not sure on the promotion as I am bit worried about the controversy and since my stories involved office people, it may be 'hurt' my career. S said the story are not bias and I tell it as it is. So, the person involved should not be hurt.
I shared about 2 friends who got lighted up after reading both articles. Such a coincidence that the 2 articles I send S is the articles that light up my friends. That got S even more interested. Will explore more with him.
(Feb 6 - Have open up and send him my website. I am learning to trust!)
Today, we have a great meeting of volunteers. I led the meeting. I then realised these are my close friends. We shared our experience and I told them about my dancing and alternative writing career. I told them I want to be a famous writer and then I quit my corporate job. I hug each and everyone of them. I invited them to my house for new year. Finally I accepted them into my life.
Came back and told my mom of the invite. Mom shudder the bit of the different race and said she cannot understand why I still continue with them. Now I know where I got my racism influence.
Tot of Z. He look tired and more older with his grey hair. Wonder if he is trying to make himself look older because he knew he is 5 years younger than me. That was unnecessary as I looked 10 years younger than my age. I wanted to hug him and gave him support. I also tot of having his kisses. Father, it has been a long long time since I have such inclination. The period of drought is finally over and my spring time is here now. Amen.
A few weeks ago, I tot I wanted to do public speaking workshop or seminar and was asking around. Coincidentally, I spoke to a Trainer about my need.
She just mailed me an excerpt of training called Samurai Game.
Training send by a Trainer
The Samurai Game takes you on a journey of internal self-awareness and mastery. The realisations you stand to gain are profound yet very private. Although it is conducted in a group, no one knows what anyone else is going through.
The outcome is different for each individual as everyone would be at a different level of self-awareness. The best way I can put it down in words is that The Samurai Game is almost like a ‘Test of Character’ where you peel away your external skills and behaviours to discover the core essence of who you are, and the outcome is an understanding of The Bushido Code and how it will bring fulfillment in life as well as business.
Father, I saw that brochure email and I ignored it as the brochure doesn't indicate much. Now that the Trainer explained it, I am keen to explore. Then 10 minutes later, I received another internal mail that asked me if I want to join. So, double whammy! I am going and its from 10 Feb to 12 Feb in outstation. Sathsang is on Sunday 13 Feb. Mmm, I was thinking staying back 1 day and let J do the sathsang. But on second tot, it may be great to see how I fare after the pgm.
This morning tot of having a collaborator. I want someone that I can bounce ideas/concept and who can give me input on my article. My current editor provides only english output. Tot of H, but know that her graduation will lead her to go to 2nd phase of her teaching career. Tot of M, but she did not revert. While she can do pix, she would not be able to discuss concept/idea with me.
Yday, I shared with S, a junior colleague that I have finally launched my ebook. S asked for a copy, which I ignored. S was persistent and I finally gave him the least controversial article that I have written on 80 dead end loss/20 extrapolated wins. He read and told me he like it. Then I gave him a second article on The power of deflation and he said he like it very much.
He asked if I had planned out the scope for the writing. He said the stories are good, but the main attraction is the zest / concept and it stayed in his mind. I replied there is no planning, the insight arise when the experience happens.
Then I asked him to think for me promotion points. He said to put pix that relates to the article's zest.
Father, I think he could be my collaborator.
I told him that I am still not sure on the promotion as I am bit worried about the controversy and since my stories involved office people, it may be 'hurt' my career. S said the story are not bias and I tell it as it is. So, the person involved should not be hurt.
I shared about 2 friends who got lighted up after reading both articles. Such a coincidence that the 2 articles I send S is the articles that light up my friends. That got S even more interested. Will explore more with him.
(Feb 6 - Have open up and send him my website. I am learning to trust!)
Today, we have a great meeting of volunteers. I led the meeting. I then realised these are my close friends. We shared our experience and I told them about my dancing and alternative writing career. I told them I want to be a famous writer and then I quit my corporate job. I hug each and everyone of them. I invited them to my house for new year. Finally I accepted them into my life.
Came back and told my mom of the invite. Mom shudder the bit of the different race and said she cannot understand why I still continue with them. Now I know where I got my racism influence.
Tot of Z. He look tired and more older with his grey hair. Wonder if he is trying to make himself look older because he knew he is 5 years younger than me. That was unnecessary as I looked 10 years younger than my age. I wanted to hug him and gave him support. I also tot of having his kisses. Father, it has been a long long time since I have such inclination. The period of drought is finally over and my spring time is here now. Amen.
Samyama Refresher (10)
Jan 27
Father, Thank U. I am now comfortable with the practice of hatha yoga, breathing awareness, shakti and shambavi in the morning. It is complete and I felt fresh eventhough only about 4 hours plus of sleep. I no longer as sleepy as previous days. I think body got the rhythm.
As for evening, my latest reshuffling of shoonya, followed by samyama. I realised that the flow is much better. And I felt more refreshed as compared to previous samyama/shoonya. Also, I noticed that the body is even more nimble than after shakti. So, there must be something more about samyama that I am not aware. While I may not have major experience, but it could be subtle but body seems to pick it up.
Suddenly tot of Z. I cannot give him the website yet but I do want to give him a copy of my ebook. I want him to know me, what I am. I don't think he know how eccentric I am. I want someone to support me in my eccentricity and knows I like to explore insights and etc. Even if he may not collaborate but he must allow me to be. I would be unhappy if he doesn't accept this eccentric part of me.
(Feb 6 - didnt tell him that. We r both not ready. Besides, its great to keep the suspense a bit.)
Queen of Spades
The card of self-mastery. We r creating more success by changing our inner tots, beliefs, and attitudes instead of trying to alter our external circumstances.\
Jan 27 Aft
Z and I
We r simple in our need for rship. We don't need drama becos we have all our drama in office and for me, my mental stimulation in writing/office and him, in his business.
So, on the surface both of us doesn't put rship in topline. But our inner wants a rship.
Father, Thank U. I am now comfortable with the practice of hatha yoga, breathing awareness, shakti and shambavi in the morning. It is complete and I felt fresh eventhough only about 4 hours plus of sleep. I no longer as sleepy as previous days. I think body got the rhythm.
As for evening, my latest reshuffling of shoonya, followed by samyama. I realised that the flow is much better. And I felt more refreshed as compared to previous samyama/shoonya. Also, I noticed that the body is even more nimble than after shakti. So, there must be something more about samyama that I am not aware. While I may not have major experience, but it could be subtle but body seems to pick it up.
Suddenly tot of Z. I cannot give him the website yet but I do want to give him a copy of my ebook. I want him to know me, what I am. I don't think he know how eccentric I am. I want someone to support me in my eccentricity and knows I like to explore insights and etc. Even if he may not collaborate but he must allow me to be. I would be unhappy if he doesn't accept this eccentric part of me.
(Feb 6 - didnt tell him that. We r both not ready. Besides, its great to keep the suspense a bit.)
Queen of Spades
The card of self-mastery. We r creating more success by changing our inner tots, beliefs, and attitudes instead of trying to alter our external circumstances.\
Jan 27 Aft
Z and I
We r simple in our need for rship. We don't need drama becos we have all our drama in office and for me, my mental stimulation in writing/office and him, in his business.
So, on the surface both of us doesn't put rship in topline. But our inner wants a rship.
I am transforming (17)
Jan 26 Eve
Father, this week has been a roller coaster of up and down.
Now I finally know the meaning of the Osho card - Change
Life repeats itself mindlessly - unless u become mindful, it will go on repeating like a wheel; one day good, one day bad, next day good.
And it goes on and on but u don't see the pattern. Once u see the pattern, u can get out of it.
It u cling to the edge of wheel u can get dizzy! Move toward the center of the cyclone and relax knowing that this too will pass.
On Monday evening, I was feeling bit lousy cos no contact with Z and also because I was tired with budget and no response on the ebook. As the feeling come, I see it as a mental compulsion, needing Z, a beggar instead of employer's love. I just focus back on my breathe and the need reduces and slowly pass on.
On Tuesday evening, I was so happy because got kudos from SL and HH and found John Campbell. Found some trails on Destiny cards. At night had a long delightful call with Z. I was so happy.
On Wednesday morning, it dropped. I start to feel bit down. I remember the Change card; relax and know that this too will pass.
For me now is whenever I tot of Z and I am not happy, then the love is beggar's love and not emperor's love. So, I won't call him.
My mode is when the neediness arise, just go back to the center, watch my breathe and it passes off quickly. Father, I am slowly but surely disengaging from my mind.
Father, I can see the trail.
The trick is to disengage, focus on breathe. Then take one step at a time.
Now I know why thunderbolt - try to watch the destruction with them. Say yes to the process by meeting it halfway.
(Feb 6 - I definitely did that.)
Father, this week has been a roller coaster of up and down.
Now I finally know the meaning of the Osho card - Change
Life repeats itself mindlessly - unless u become mindful, it will go on repeating like a wheel; one day good, one day bad, next day good.
And it goes on and on but u don't see the pattern. Once u see the pattern, u can get out of it.
It u cling to the edge of wheel u can get dizzy! Move toward the center of the cyclone and relax knowing that this too will pass.
On Monday evening, I was feeling bit lousy cos no contact with Z and also because I was tired with budget and no response on the ebook. As the feeling come, I see it as a mental compulsion, needing Z, a beggar instead of employer's love. I just focus back on my breathe and the need reduces and slowly pass on.
On Tuesday evening, I was so happy because got kudos from SL and HH and found John Campbell. Found some trails on Destiny cards. At night had a long delightful call with Z. I was so happy.
On Wednesday morning, it dropped. I start to feel bit down. I remember the Change card; relax and know that this too will pass.
For me now is whenever I tot of Z and I am not happy, then the love is beggar's love and not emperor's love. So, I won't call him.
My mode is when the neediness arise, just go back to the center, watch my breathe and it passes off quickly. Father, I am slowly but surely disengaging from my mind.
Father, I can see the trail.
The trick is to disengage, focus on breathe. Then take one step at a time.
Now I know why thunderbolt - try to watch the destruction with them. Say yes to the process by meeting it halfway.
(Feb 6 - I definitely did that.)
Receptivity - being open
Jan 26
Father, I want Z. He is a diamond. I am glad he came when I have tackled my Ace of Diamond, otherwise I would have missed it.
The Passion Test
When u r clear about what ur passions are, u can't predict how they will get fulfilled.
You can't imagine in advance how ur passions will get fulfilled.
What is required of u, is to remain open to everything that appeared, without holding on to ur own concepts of what u needed. Watch how ur life unfolds, and accept what appears now.
Everything in ur life is structured for ur evolution. The laws of nature that govern every aspect of existence, including our daily lives, are designed to support u in experiencing deeper aspects of ur own nature.
When u fight reality, u will lose - always.
When u realise that every part of ur life is working to bring u closer to knowing ur true nature more completely, life can only get better.
By staying open to how life is appearing at this moment, free of ur concepts of how it "should" be, u create the opportunity for miracles to occur.
Father, I want Z. He is a diamond. I am glad he came when I have tackled my Ace of Diamond, otherwise I would have missed it.
The Passion Test
When u r clear about what ur passions are, u can't predict how they will get fulfilled.
You can't imagine in advance how ur passions will get fulfilled.
What is required of u, is to remain open to everything that appeared, without holding on to ur own concepts of what u needed. Watch how ur life unfolds, and accept what appears now.
Everything in ur life is structured for ur evolution. The laws of nature that govern every aspect of existence, including our daily lives, are designed to support u in experiencing deeper aspects of ur own nature.
When u fight reality, u will lose - always.
When u realise that every part of ur life is working to bring u closer to knowing ur true nature more completely, life can only get better.
By staying open to how life is appearing at this moment, free of ur concepts of how it "should" be, u create the opportunity for miracles to occur.
Connecting with Joseph Campbell (writer/speaker) (2)
Jan 25 Eve
"We must be willing to get rid of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell.
Father, I think it is meant to be. While its great to receive vote of confidence from both SL and H, so I feel support. I was still feeling uncertain on my path. The things I write about is my insight and related stories. I haven't read any such authors. And here U gave me Joseph John Campbell. He was born in 1904 and pass away in 1987, at age 83.
I felt the connection that I may become like him as he too is into writing his thoughts, insights and stories. And his mentor are the same mentors as mine, albeit I only read them, unlike John who meet them. Mentors like Krishnamurti, Jame Joyce, Carl Jung, Swami Nikhilanada for Sri Ramakrishna
He just like to read, reflect and write. Just like me. So, he embarked into a English literature course that will give him his writing. He started with a short story.
Soul
Father, that could have been my path. Actually, the main attraction for A was because of his good command of english and his writing skills. Back in 1999, I have not started to do writing yet but I was into journeling into small note books (Alas I have thrown them all away).
I have a way with words. I seem to understand complexity and able to have an understanding easily. That's why I read contracts well.
Alas, if my parents were educated and I may have taken art class instead. I tot good english means good grammar. I have always do well with stories.
Now that I know I am smart and writing my own stories, I am no longer attracted to writers (English). Perhaps that's why I was attracted to lawyers previously as I tot was not smart enough.
Why am I attracted to Z? It all started with the comfort living(shower), banana, then food, no smell, physically comfortable with him on close up. At first, I write him off as not up to par with me mentally, but there were some glimmer that makes me think I could be wrong and there could be more to him. And as I talked more I found that he is smart. He is also open with me, trust me and gave me his date of birth and time. I found out about his Salesman/Ladies Man card Ruling card and The Faith Destiny card. And I found out that we r so right for each other. And I then can see us together mentally and then the attraction start.
Then he start to say he wanted marriage and children. I was bit off and I don't see that in me and I tot the cards must be wrong.
A few days later I wonder why did he go back to same family man path when he now have a chance to evaluate and create a new life for himself. That's when I tot perhaps he didn't do his Passion List and hence don't know what he truly wants.
Father, Z told me his dream is go public listed and create a company that provides comfortable living for his employees.
Z also revealed how much he values a good relationship. And he is sensitive enough to ensure that the wife will not get hurt through his inconsiderations.
Father, Z is a true diamond. I told him that I see him as an uncut diamond. It such a pity that he didn't show up. What u see is not what u get. And he is a real prize.
He confirmed with me that, for me, what he see is what he get. I showed up. He asked me about my other plan, apart from being a famous writer and transformation leader. I told him that I can't answer as he is still in my 3rd door. He wasn't too happy and said he will call me tomorrow to go to 4th door. Earlier when I told him about 5 doors, he asked which level was he. I told him yesterday was 2nd and now he is in 3rd. He says he will breakthru all 5 doors.
He ended the call by saying he wants us to meet up for a nice coffee and I agreed. We will meet next week.
Father, I want him. He values relationship, he wants to have coffee and he wants to have a successful business. That's the vision list of my husband. I also used to dream of a husband who is a retired playboy, who has done his round and wants to settle down.
(Feb 6 - he fits the bill. Infact, he always asked if I am ready to settle down. He has asked me 3 times already. He says that he thinks I am not keen to settle down. I told him that I didn't plan or tot of it, besides there is much uncertainty in relationship. Perhaps its my fear of failure that make me avoid it.)
"We must be willing to get rid of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell.
Father, I think it is meant to be. While its great to receive vote of confidence from both SL and H, so I feel support. I was still feeling uncertain on my path. The things I write about is my insight and related stories. I haven't read any such authors. And here U gave me Joseph John Campbell. He was born in 1904 and pass away in 1987, at age 83.
I felt the connection that I may become like him as he too is into writing his thoughts, insights and stories. And his mentor are the same mentors as mine, albeit I only read them, unlike John who meet them. Mentors like Krishnamurti, Jame Joyce, Carl Jung, Swami Nikhilanada for Sri Ramakrishna
He just like to read, reflect and write. Just like me. So, he embarked into a English literature course that will give him his writing. He started with a short story.
Soul
Father, that could have been my path. Actually, the main attraction for A was because of his good command of english and his writing skills. Back in 1999, I have not started to do writing yet but I was into journeling into small note books (Alas I have thrown them all away).
I have a way with words. I seem to understand complexity and able to have an understanding easily. That's why I read contracts well.
Alas, if my parents were educated and I may have taken art class instead. I tot good english means good grammar. I have always do well with stories.
Now that I know I am smart and writing my own stories, I am no longer attracted to writers (English). Perhaps that's why I was attracted to lawyers previously as I tot was not smart enough.
Why am I attracted to Z? It all started with the comfort living(shower), banana, then food, no smell, physically comfortable with him on close up. At first, I write him off as not up to par with me mentally, but there were some glimmer that makes me think I could be wrong and there could be more to him. And as I talked more I found that he is smart. He is also open with me, trust me and gave me his date of birth and time. I found out about his Salesman/Ladies Man card Ruling card and The Faith Destiny card. And I found out that we r so right for each other. And I then can see us together mentally and then the attraction start.
Then he start to say he wanted marriage and children. I was bit off and I don't see that in me and I tot the cards must be wrong.
A few days later I wonder why did he go back to same family man path when he now have a chance to evaluate and create a new life for himself. That's when I tot perhaps he didn't do his Passion List and hence don't know what he truly wants.
Father, Z told me his dream is go public listed and create a company that provides comfortable living for his employees.
Z also revealed how much he values a good relationship. And he is sensitive enough to ensure that the wife will not get hurt through his inconsiderations.
Father, Z is a true diamond. I told him that I see him as an uncut diamond. It such a pity that he didn't show up. What u see is not what u get. And he is a real prize.
He confirmed with me that, for me, what he see is what he get. I showed up. He asked me about my other plan, apart from being a famous writer and transformation leader. I told him that I can't answer as he is still in my 3rd door. He wasn't too happy and said he will call me tomorrow to go to 4th door. Earlier when I told him about 5 doors, he asked which level was he. I told him yesterday was 2nd and now he is in 3rd. He says he will breakthru all 5 doors.
He ended the call by saying he wants us to meet up for a nice coffee and I agreed. We will meet next week.
Father, I want him. He values relationship, he wants to have coffee and he wants to have a successful business. That's the vision list of my husband. I also used to dream of a husband who is a retired playboy, who has done his round and wants to settle down.
(Feb 6 - he fits the bill. Infact, he always asked if I am ready to settle down. He has asked me 3 times already. He says that he thinks I am not keen to settle down. I told him that I didn't plan or tot of it, besides there is much uncertainty in relationship. Perhaps its my fear of failure that make me avoid it.)
Connecting with Joseph Campbell (writer/speaker)
Jan 25 Aft
Father, H said my work on website and book is wonderful. It feels great coming cos I thought highly of her.
Was happy and want to share with Z. At first bit of dilemma and asked if I am putting myself on the spot by involving in my life. Then second tot came, we r going for scuba diving together and we r friend, so forget about keeping my boundary.
I want to share that I am confident now of embarking on my writing career as 2 friends, H and SL, whom I think has very high standard thinks I write well and encourage me to continue.
Then V said his wife wanted to meet me alone to do a personal reading on Destiny Card. Quite a lot of support!
Then tot of reading quotes book from north consulting
This quote suddenly jumped out;
"We must be willing to get rid of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell.
Checked his website. He has a foundation that promote his writings. He is an author that writes about his mythology insights and also a great public speaker.
Krishna's dictum; The best way to help mankind is through the perfection of yourself. Same msg as Sadhguru, if u r happy, the people around will be happy too!
Soul
I connect with Joseph Campbell. These days I connect with soul writers. Father, thanks for ur guide.
"Happy are those who dream dreams and are ready to pay the price to make them come true" Cardinal Sueneus
Soul
Yeap, will pay the price.
To avoid criticism;
"Say nothing. Do nothing. Be nothing"
Lady Bird Johnson, First Lady to President Lyndon B Johnson
Father, H said my work on website and book is wonderful. It feels great coming cos I thought highly of her.
Was happy and want to share with Z. At first bit of dilemma and asked if I am putting myself on the spot by involving in my life. Then second tot came, we r going for scuba diving together and we r friend, so forget about keeping my boundary.
I want to share that I am confident now of embarking on my writing career as 2 friends, H and SL, whom I think has very high standard thinks I write well and encourage me to continue.
Then V said his wife wanted to meet me alone to do a personal reading on Destiny Card. Quite a lot of support!
Then tot of reading quotes book from north consulting
This quote suddenly jumped out;
"We must be willing to get rid of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell.
Checked his website. He has a foundation that promote his writings. He is an author that writes about his mythology insights and also a great public speaker.
Krishna's dictum; The best way to help mankind is through the perfection of yourself. Same msg as Sadhguru, if u r happy, the people around will be happy too!
Soul
I connect with Joseph Campbell. These days I connect with soul writers. Father, thanks for ur guide.
"Happy are those who dream dreams and are ready to pay the price to make them come true" Cardinal Sueneus
Soul
Yeap, will pay the price.
To avoid criticism;
"Say nothing. Do nothing. Be nothing"
Lady Bird Johnson, First Lady to President Lyndon B Johnson
My self control was an illusion
Jan 25
Father, tot of Z this morning. He has a chance to re-look at his life. Why is he taking the same path? I wonder if he has done his passion list.
Father, yday when I saw the Change card I tot it doesn't relate to me per se. But now I know, its the opposites in life. Perhaps becos of my strong mental control that my pendulum swing is minimal, I don't experience the high and low. Since there is no high and low, I have the illusion of being in balance, in control.
Sadhguru says we don't have to control the mind, we have to unleash it and let it swing all the way, so we can experience totality. (Mmm, is that what F does?? Nope as hers is trying as many things as possible and not stretching each one to the max.)
Anyway, no worries. I used to disallowed bad feeling to come up cos I cannot handle. But now that I knew the bad and good feeling goes together, I will allow it to be, but under witnessing mode. I will move towards the center and relax, knowing that this too will pass.
Just got a call from SL and she support me by buying Firefly. She said that she likes my blog and wanted to publish my website in her facebook. Father, thanks for all the friends you send me.
Father, U will me only happiness. So, in tot of Z, I now can separate between mental compulsion vs joy. I now realised a great feel can be changed and manipulated by the mind. And that's when I need to disidentify from it. To do that more and more awareness is needed and hence samyama is important.
Father, today I complete practice by 6.58 am and I start earlier by 3.50 am, nearly 3hours. I think I did longer of my breathing awareness. Mmm, now that I sleep earlier at 11.30 pm instead of 12 pm. Wonder if I can wake up at 3.45 am instead. I do want to do the breathe awareness.
Father, read the Card on Receptivity.
You cannot reach God as aggressive invaders, conquerors. You can reach God only ... Or it will be better to say God can reach u only when u r receptive, a feminine receptivity. When u become yin, a receptivity, the door is open .. And u wait. Listening is the art for becoming passive.
Soul
At first tot it was for F. Then I realised its for me too. Infinite Patience brings immediate results.
When we r receptive (without the head), only then we can receive. Neither duty or tot of merit or reward are important. Sensitivity, intuition and compassion are the qualities that shine forth now, dissolving all the obstacles that keep us separate from each other and from the whole.
Soul
Tot of my intended msg for Z about his passion list. Will call him later as this is sharing of love, not needing him. Amen.
Four of Clubs
The card of mental satisfaction and stability. U will experience mental peace and able to do good things for any sort of mental occupation.
This a good time to make plans for the future since u r thinking clearer than ever.
Father, tot of Z this morning. He has a chance to re-look at his life. Why is he taking the same path? I wonder if he has done his passion list.
Father, yday when I saw the Change card I tot it doesn't relate to me per se. But now I know, its the opposites in life. Perhaps becos of my strong mental control that my pendulum swing is minimal, I don't experience the high and low. Since there is no high and low, I have the illusion of being in balance, in control.
Sadhguru says we don't have to control the mind, we have to unleash it and let it swing all the way, so we can experience totality. (Mmm, is that what F does?? Nope as hers is trying as many things as possible and not stretching each one to the max.)
Anyway, no worries. I used to disallowed bad feeling to come up cos I cannot handle. But now that I knew the bad and good feeling goes together, I will allow it to be, but under witnessing mode. I will move towards the center and relax, knowing that this too will pass.
Just got a call from SL and she support me by buying Firefly. She said that she likes my blog and wanted to publish my website in her facebook. Father, thanks for all the friends you send me.
Father, U will me only happiness. So, in tot of Z, I now can separate between mental compulsion vs joy. I now realised a great feel can be changed and manipulated by the mind. And that's when I need to disidentify from it. To do that more and more awareness is needed and hence samyama is important.
Father, today I complete practice by 6.58 am and I start earlier by 3.50 am, nearly 3hours. I think I did longer of my breathing awareness. Mmm, now that I sleep earlier at 11.30 pm instead of 12 pm. Wonder if I can wake up at 3.45 am instead. I do want to do the breathe awareness.
Father, read the Card on Receptivity.
You cannot reach God as aggressive invaders, conquerors. You can reach God only ... Or it will be better to say God can reach u only when u r receptive, a feminine receptivity. When u become yin, a receptivity, the door is open .. And u wait. Listening is the art for becoming passive.
Soul
At first tot it was for F. Then I realised its for me too. Infinite Patience brings immediate results.
When we r receptive (without the head), only then we can receive. Neither duty or tot of merit or reward are important. Sensitivity, intuition and compassion are the qualities that shine forth now, dissolving all the obstacles that keep us separate from each other and from the whole.
Soul
Tot of my intended msg for Z about his passion list. Will call him later as this is sharing of love, not needing him. Amen.
Four of Clubs
The card of mental satisfaction and stability. U will experience mental peace and able to do good things for any sort of mental occupation.
This a good time to make plans for the future since u r thinking clearer than ever.
I am transforming (16)
Jan 24 Eve
Father, a text came and I freezed and bit piss at myself of cos I wanted it to be him. Then I stop myself and says its ok that I wanted to be him and if he is not him, also ok. Turn out it was not. Never mind. Just let compulsion mode passed.
(Feb 6 - now I realised that I do have high defense mechanism when it comes to relationship. It is as high as boss's defense mechanism towards her job/position)
I did my blog and then watch TV. The feeling of need for Z arise.
I told myself it is a need, then it is not sharing, then it is a beggar love and not an emperor. That's means its my mind on compulsion, add on with my emotional abandoment issue.
So, I didn't respond to the need.
I just watch it cos it is just a tot that comes in, he was not in my life. Then I start to watch my breathe, while the tot of need for Z continues. After a while, the need slow down and reduces and I finally feel me and I am at ease now. Amen.
Father, a text came and I freezed and bit piss at myself of cos I wanted it to be him. Then I stop myself and says its ok that I wanted to be him and if he is not him, also ok. Turn out it was not. Never mind. Just let compulsion mode passed.
(Feb 6 - now I realised that I do have high defense mechanism when it comes to relationship. It is as high as boss's defense mechanism towards her job/position)
I did my blog and then watch TV. The feeling of need for Z arise.
I told myself it is a need, then it is not sharing, then it is a beggar love and not an emperor. That's means its my mind on compulsion, add on with my emotional abandoment issue.
So, I didn't respond to the need.
I just watch it cos it is just a tot that comes in, he was not in my life. Then I start to watch my breathe, while the tot of need for Z continues. After a while, the need slow down and reduces and I finally feel me and I am at ease now. Amen.
I am transforming (15)
Jan 24 Aft
Father, boss got an extension for another one year plus 2 years. So hurray for me too. That's mean my 4 days work is secured for next 2 years.
I told her to leave her house and stay in new one as she now can afford to do so.
At first she was distraught and I gave her an alternative plan and she now look forward to it. Guess this is another marker of me giving positive energy to people.
Father, I have tots of Z. I miss him and start to have some imagination. Aiyoh. Never mind, may be just compulsive tots.
Then a tot came. My love life is effortless, no more drama.
Osho
1. The Issue
Life repeats itself mindlessly - unless u become mindful, it will go on repeating like a wheel.
Life is continuously changing, evolving, dying and being reborn.
Move towards the center of the cyclone and relax, knowing that this too will pass.
Soul
Tell me about it. I am glad that I was able to turn the boss's extension into a happy thing for both of us.
2. Internal influence.
The Master
The whole work of meditation is to make u aware of all that is "mind" and dis-identify yourself from it.
Now u can do and act only that which makes u joyous, fulfills u, gives u contentment, makes ur life a work of art, a beauty. But it is only possible if the master in u is awake and u become a master of ur own destiny.
The community of seekers that arises around a Master becomes an energy field that support each unique individual in finding his or her own inner light.
Soul
Not sure if I am arrogant. Suddenly tot of me being a master, I got the rest to find his or her own light.
I know Ja is on to become a teacher, boss is focusing on making herself happy, Y is focusing on finding her light. Yea. This was my Top 1 Passion
3. External influence
Ordinariness
Whenever, in whatsoever situation, u become one, a peace, a happiness, a bliss, surrounds u, arises in u. You feel fulfilled. These moments can become ur natural self.
U r facing a time now when this easy, natural and utterly ordinary approach to situations u encounter will bring far better results than any attempt on ur part to be brilliant, clever or otherwise extraordinary. Take things easily, simply, one step at a time.
4. What is needed for resolution
Thunderbolt
This card shows a tower being burned, destroyed, blown apart. A man and a woman are leaping from it not because they want to, but because they have no choice. In the background is a transparent, meditating figure representing the witnessing consciousness.
U might be feeling pretty shaky right now, as if the earth is rocking beneath ur feet. Ur sense of security is being challenged and the natural tendency is to try to hold on to whatever u can.
But this inner earthquake is both necessary and tremendously important - if u allow it, u will emerge from the wreckage stronger and more available for new experiences.
Try to watch the destruction with detachment. Say yes to the process by meeting it halfway.
Soul
My control tower has been blown apart. Me still scary especially now vulnerable to Z. Just now when I tot of him approaching me, first thing was to run or confront him, asking for certainty before I commit. Then a tot came, I am attracted to him, just go with the flow. Both of us are meditating. Whatever turn out will be fine.
5. Resolution
Receptivity
When u become a yin, a receptivity, the door to God is open - and u wait.
Receptivity represents the feminine, receptive quality of water and of the emotion. She has no head, no busy and aggressive mind to hinder her pure receptivity. She is in harmony with universe.
Sensitivity, intuition and compassion are the qualities that shine forth now, dissolving all the obstacles that keep us separate from each other and from the whole.
Soul
Wayne Dyer - infinite patience brings immediate result.
Father, boss got an extension for another one year plus 2 years. So hurray for me too. That's mean my 4 days work is secured for next 2 years.
I told her to leave her house and stay in new one as she now can afford to do so.
At first she was distraught and I gave her an alternative plan and she now look forward to it. Guess this is another marker of me giving positive energy to people.
Father, I have tots of Z. I miss him and start to have some imagination. Aiyoh. Never mind, may be just compulsive tots.
Then a tot came. My love life is effortless, no more drama.
Osho
1. The Issue
Life repeats itself mindlessly - unless u become mindful, it will go on repeating like a wheel.
Life is continuously changing, evolving, dying and being reborn.
Move towards the center of the cyclone and relax, knowing that this too will pass.
Soul
Tell me about it. I am glad that I was able to turn the boss's extension into a happy thing for both of us.
2. Internal influence.
The Master
The whole work of meditation is to make u aware of all that is "mind" and dis-identify yourself from it.
Now u can do and act only that which makes u joyous, fulfills u, gives u contentment, makes ur life a work of art, a beauty. But it is only possible if the master in u is awake and u become a master of ur own destiny.
The community of seekers that arises around a Master becomes an energy field that support each unique individual in finding his or her own inner light.
Soul
Not sure if I am arrogant. Suddenly tot of me being a master, I got the rest to find his or her own light.
I know Ja is on to become a teacher, boss is focusing on making herself happy, Y is focusing on finding her light. Yea. This was my Top 1 Passion
3. External influence
Ordinariness
Whenever, in whatsoever situation, u become one, a peace, a happiness, a bliss, surrounds u, arises in u. You feel fulfilled. These moments can become ur natural self.
U r facing a time now when this easy, natural and utterly ordinary approach to situations u encounter will bring far better results than any attempt on ur part to be brilliant, clever or otherwise extraordinary. Take things easily, simply, one step at a time.
4. What is needed for resolution
Thunderbolt
This card shows a tower being burned, destroyed, blown apart. A man and a woman are leaping from it not because they want to, but because they have no choice. In the background is a transparent, meditating figure representing the witnessing consciousness.
U might be feeling pretty shaky right now, as if the earth is rocking beneath ur feet. Ur sense of security is being challenged and the natural tendency is to try to hold on to whatever u can.
But this inner earthquake is both necessary and tremendously important - if u allow it, u will emerge from the wreckage stronger and more available for new experiences.
Try to watch the destruction with detachment. Say yes to the process by meeting it halfway.
Soul
My control tower has been blown apart. Me still scary especially now vulnerable to Z. Just now when I tot of him approaching me, first thing was to run or confront him, asking for certainty before I commit. Then a tot came, I am attracted to him, just go with the flow. Both of us are meditating. Whatever turn out will be fine.
5. Resolution
Receptivity
When u become a yin, a receptivity, the door to God is open - and u wait.
Receptivity represents the feminine, receptive quality of water and of the emotion. She has no head, no busy and aggressive mind to hinder her pure receptivity. She is in harmony with universe.
Sensitivity, intuition and compassion are the qualities that shine forth now, dissolving all the obstacles that keep us separate from each other and from the whole.
Soul
Wayne Dyer - infinite patience brings immediate result.
Successful habits
Jan 24
Father, suria was effortless today. No more pain. I know this year is about connecting with my body. I want to dance. And I am going for scuba diving in April 2011.
Thanks for Z, he made me realise that I was still not whole as body is partially connected. Now I know what the Lazy card meant. I have work to do with my body. Amen.
The Passion Test
Intention (Choice) - is the conscious or unconscious choice to create. All of us are constantly creating the circumstances and situations in our world by virtue of the beliefs and concepts we hold to be true.
For most people, creations are unconscious and so they view themselves as the victims of their situations and circumstances.
Successful people know the secret - they create their reality from what they put their attention on.
Your results will always match your true intention. Your life will always express what is going on deep inside u.
Soul
I knew that. The main reason I was without a partner was because I was afraid to have one. Well, I am ready and its now Top 5. I will give attention to connect to my body, to let my passion out.
The Passion Test
Attention - is the subjective awareness directed to an object. All of us give attention to something in every waking moment of the day. Life changes when the object of ur attention becomes ur conscious choice.
However, most people don't pay much attention to where they are placing their attention. Their lives are an unconscious stream of tots and are directed by habit. So, it is important to cultivate successful habits
Success habits
1. Taking time daily to review your top five passions
2. Choosing in favour of ur passions whenever you are faced with a decision
3. Taking responsibility for the life you have created
4. Taking time daily for prayer and/or meditation
5. Getting regular exercise
6. Getting adequate rest
7. Charitable giving on a regular basis.
8. Eating healthy foods that support clarity
9. Speaking positively and uplifting others through ur speech.
Soul
I am good for all except food. And at times, I may be triggered and my speech is not that nice nor uplifting.
The Passion Test
The second step is to put attention on its creation. This means developing the habit of giving attention to everything that supports ur intention and being indifferent to those things that do not.
Do a list of all the things u appreciate about urself.
By putting attention on ur strengths, how capable u r, and the reasons u can accomplish ur goals, fear will drop away. With remarkable ease, the results u desire will begin showing up in ur life.
Soul
Mmm, yeap will do that
The Passion Test
No tension - means exactly that. Creating intentions and putting ur attention on them is simple, easy, effortless process.
If u ever find urself not wanting to read ur passions or review ur goals or go over ur vision, it means either that u've been straining on these things or there is an underlying fear that u can't have or achieve what u have written.
Soul
Yeap, for a few months back, I didn't even want to look at Vision book. Then joints worsen. Now that my website is alive, joints has loosen.
The Passion Test
When u r truly passionate about something, there is nothing that can keep u from it. You won't have to try to put ur attention on it, because it draws u irresistibly to it.
When u feel down, u will be drawn to reviewing them because they will pick u up again.
When ur tots are aligned with the deepest stirrings in ur heart, intention, attention and no tension are completely natural and effortless.
Soul
Just shift Food to 5 and lower Transformational Leader to 6.
For now I just want to be a writer and to be with my husband and my family, enjoying lovely food.
Soul - suddenly tot my focus of blog is to explore wet market.
Father, suria was effortless today. No more pain. I know this year is about connecting with my body. I want to dance. And I am going for scuba diving in April 2011.
Thanks for Z, he made me realise that I was still not whole as body is partially connected. Now I know what the Lazy card meant. I have work to do with my body. Amen.
The Passion Test
Intention (Choice) - is the conscious or unconscious choice to create. All of us are constantly creating the circumstances and situations in our world by virtue of the beliefs and concepts we hold to be true.
For most people, creations are unconscious and so they view themselves as the victims of their situations and circumstances.
Successful people know the secret - they create their reality from what they put their attention on.
Your results will always match your true intention. Your life will always express what is going on deep inside u.
Soul
I knew that. The main reason I was without a partner was because I was afraid to have one. Well, I am ready and its now Top 5. I will give attention to connect to my body, to let my passion out.
The Passion Test
Attention - is the subjective awareness directed to an object. All of us give attention to something in every waking moment of the day. Life changes when the object of ur attention becomes ur conscious choice.
However, most people don't pay much attention to where they are placing their attention. Their lives are an unconscious stream of tots and are directed by habit. So, it is important to cultivate successful habits
Success habits
1. Taking time daily to review your top five passions
2. Choosing in favour of ur passions whenever you are faced with a decision
3. Taking responsibility for the life you have created
4. Taking time daily for prayer and/or meditation
5. Getting regular exercise
6. Getting adequate rest
7. Charitable giving on a regular basis.
8. Eating healthy foods that support clarity
9. Speaking positively and uplifting others through ur speech.
Soul
I am good for all except food. And at times, I may be triggered and my speech is not that nice nor uplifting.
The Passion Test
The second step is to put attention on its creation. This means developing the habit of giving attention to everything that supports ur intention and being indifferent to those things that do not.
Do a list of all the things u appreciate about urself.
By putting attention on ur strengths, how capable u r, and the reasons u can accomplish ur goals, fear will drop away. With remarkable ease, the results u desire will begin showing up in ur life.
Soul
Mmm, yeap will do that
The Passion Test
No tension - means exactly that. Creating intentions and putting ur attention on them is simple, easy, effortless process.
If u ever find urself not wanting to read ur passions or review ur goals or go over ur vision, it means either that u've been straining on these things or there is an underlying fear that u can't have or achieve what u have written.
Soul
Yeap, for a few months back, I didn't even want to look at Vision book. Then joints worsen. Now that my website is alive, joints has loosen.
The Passion Test
When u r truly passionate about something, there is nothing that can keep u from it. You won't have to try to put ur attention on it, because it draws u irresistibly to it.
When u feel down, u will be drawn to reviewing them because they will pick u up again.
When ur tots are aligned with the deepest stirrings in ur heart, intention, attention and no tension are completely natural and effortless.
Soul
Just shift Food to 5 and lower Transformational Leader to 6.
For now I just want to be a writer and to be with my husband and my family, enjoying lovely food.
Soul - suddenly tot my focus of blog is to explore wet market.
Facing my karma in relationship (13a)
Jan 23 Mor
Father, I woke up before alarm. First thing I tot of is I love myself. Second thing is I am freed, thanks to Z. Third thing I tot of is A. I recall I was so thankful for A for helping me to open my emotion channel. The gratefulness was turned to love and I love him for a long long time.
Now Z helped to open my physical channel. I am still not sure of him cos tot of E came to my mind.
Then I recalled Eat, pray and love. Her last journey on love releases the physical/passion energy in her and alas she was whole. I recalled she is a writer like me and she also has a controlled look.
For me, the control cast was melted by the joy I am experiencing. That's why these days I am expressing my Mars. Can get angry and have auto reaction on defense mechanism. I was bit worried on why I become like that. Now I know the control cast is finally off.
I have lived and survived on control cast for the past 30 years and now I am living without the auto control cast. I will respond to the situation with mind, emotion and body as when it arise. Amen.
What a great timing. My website came alive on 21 Jan and mySelf come alive on 22 Jan.
Father, still no text from Z. Tots is coming in and by now I have learnt about my defense mechanism. Remember H and F took nearly a day to reply.
Besides I don't need Z to acknowledge me as I just want to express my gratitude. Of cos one part says he may be worried I wrote about him and tot of texting. Second tot forget about it, on my own terms.
Father, I woke up before alarm. First thing I tot of is I love myself. Second thing is I am freed, thanks to Z. Third thing I tot of is A. I recall I was so thankful for A for helping me to open my emotion channel. The gratefulness was turned to love and I love him for a long long time.
Now Z helped to open my physical channel. I am still not sure of him cos tot of E came to my mind.
Then I recalled Eat, pray and love. Her last journey on love releases the physical/passion energy in her and alas she was whole. I recalled she is a writer like me and she also has a controlled look.
For me, the control cast was melted by the joy I am experiencing. That's why these days I am expressing my Mars. Can get angry and have auto reaction on defense mechanism. I was bit worried on why I become like that. Now I know the control cast is finally off.
I have lived and survived on control cast for the past 30 years and now I am living without the auto control cast. I will respond to the situation with mind, emotion and body as when it arise. Amen.
What a great timing. My website came alive on 21 Jan and mySelf come alive on 22 Jan.
Father, still no text from Z. Tots is coming in and by now I have learnt about my defense mechanism. Remember H and F took nearly a day to reply.
Besides I don't need Z to acknowledge me as I just want to express my gratitude. Of cos one part says he may be worried I wrote about him and tot of texting. Second tot forget about it, on my own terms.
I am transforming (14) - my body is awake
Jan 23 Eve
F confronted me and said that I am such a nagger. I asked her how frequent do we meet. She didn't want to reply but in the end she relented its at the most once a month. Actually our SS pgm completed sometime before Aug 2010 and we met only 2 times since then and today becos of S's graduation. So, all in all, its one time in 2 months. She does have major authority issue.
For me, I told her that my ego was dented because she doesn't want to listen to me at all, she didn't open up to me at all. Of course for me, after I knew about the conflict between Ace of Diamond and Ten of Spade issue, I accepted her reluctance to open to me. And I had an alternative tot, its good to have a group of friends that I don't have to share my Light.
I found that she has only one door and she seldom opens it. For me, I have few layers of doors, so I can open them confidently. For her, since it is only one door, she really has to be more choosy to open it. The last time she open her door was few years ago.
Great insight and somehow it dispel my ego denture on her not opening to me at all. Now I know it is not 'personal' and need not take it as a rejection per se.
And besides she doesn't even open to Wayne Dyer who told her "Infinite patience brings immediate results".
Father, I like the message to me, Infinite patience brings immediate results.
Today I met another Controller who is beautiful. This time no envious feeling and I tot of introducing her to Z. Then a tot came, Z can do his own hunting and besides I want Z to hunt me, so why sabotage my own chance.
Father, great bonding with S and F. Thank U.
Today also received kudos from P on my website. To receive from her is a big honour as P has great insights and writes so well.
Father, I am so happy. Just now while waiting for S, I start to dance to the music. This time I am standing dancing. My feet moves on its own, real dancing, the sense of two left feet is gone. Father, I want to dance. So, Friday is a good time for me to do dancing. I recalled natal chart says I can dance. Let's try that. Amen.
I don't know if my body can respond passionately to a man's touch. But I want my body to respond to music, a safer choice. I want to dance. I want to feel connected with my body. I already connect with my emotion and now I want to know my body.
(Feb 6 - I just realised that my body is responding passionately to music...and that is a great turnaround!)
The Passion Test
You can never know what will show up in ur life. You can only stay open to what is required of u in the present moment.
When u let go of the way u think things should be and open yourself to the way they are appearing, u open yourself to the will of God, to the perfect organising power of Nature.
Soul
Yea, I tot now the focus in on writing and here Z suddenly made inroad into my life. Its ironic, we met about 1 year ago and nothing happen but 2 months back, we suddenly click on the bananas.
At first I tot not good timing as I need my balance to focus on my writing as I am not confident yet. But little did I knew that by opening up, I let him helped me with my control issue and I finally knew why I couldn't response with passion. And now I want to do dancing. And 2 months later, can do scuba diving.
Father, I now want to connect and experience my bodily function. It started with effortless yoga and morning walk, then effortless swimming, then now dancing and later scuba diving. When I met the right partner, I want to slow dance, to have passionate love making.
The Passion Test
Every single thing u can see that was created by man was an idea in someone's mind at one time. If u want to create the life of ur dreams, it begins by writing your dreams down and becoming as clear as possible.
The power of intention and attention is what brings ideas into concrete form. When u have intention and attention with no tension, then the whole process becomes fun.
Soul
Father, now that I can dance and express my emotion, I no longer feared of not having good food. I still like it and I was pleasantly surprised at the food today. Father, I love U. I love mySelf. Amen.
F confronted me and said that I am such a nagger. I asked her how frequent do we meet. She didn't want to reply but in the end she relented its at the most once a month. Actually our SS pgm completed sometime before Aug 2010 and we met only 2 times since then and today becos of S's graduation. So, all in all, its one time in 2 months. She does have major authority issue.
For me, I told her that my ego was dented because she doesn't want to listen to me at all, she didn't open up to me at all. Of course for me, after I knew about the conflict between Ace of Diamond and Ten of Spade issue, I accepted her reluctance to open to me. And I had an alternative tot, its good to have a group of friends that I don't have to share my Light.
I found that she has only one door and she seldom opens it. For me, I have few layers of doors, so I can open them confidently. For her, since it is only one door, she really has to be more choosy to open it. The last time she open her door was few years ago.
Great insight and somehow it dispel my ego denture on her not opening to me at all. Now I know it is not 'personal' and need not take it as a rejection per se.
And besides she doesn't even open to Wayne Dyer who told her "Infinite patience brings immediate results".
Father, I like the message to me, Infinite patience brings immediate results.
Today I met another Controller who is beautiful. This time no envious feeling and I tot of introducing her to Z. Then a tot came, Z can do his own hunting and besides I want Z to hunt me, so why sabotage my own chance.
Father, great bonding with S and F. Thank U.
Today also received kudos from P on my website. To receive from her is a big honour as P has great insights and writes so well.
Father, I am so happy. Just now while waiting for S, I start to dance to the music. This time I am standing dancing. My feet moves on its own, real dancing, the sense of two left feet is gone. Father, I want to dance. So, Friday is a good time for me to do dancing. I recalled natal chart says I can dance. Let's try that. Amen.
I don't know if my body can respond passionately to a man's touch. But I want my body to respond to music, a safer choice. I want to dance. I want to feel connected with my body. I already connect with my emotion and now I want to know my body.
(Feb 6 - I just realised that my body is responding passionately to music...and that is a great turnaround!)
The Passion Test
You can never know what will show up in ur life. You can only stay open to what is required of u in the present moment.
When u let go of the way u think things should be and open yourself to the way they are appearing, u open yourself to the will of God, to the perfect organising power of Nature.
Soul
Yea, I tot now the focus in on writing and here Z suddenly made inroad into my life. Its ironic, we met about 1 year ago and nothing happen but 2 months back, we suddenly click on the bananas.
At first I tot not good timing as I need my balance to focus on my writing as I am not confident yet. But little did I knew that by opening up, I let him helped me with my control issue and I finally knew why I couldn't response with passion. And now I want to do dancing. And 2 months later, can do scuba diving.
Father, I now want to connect and experience my bodily function. It started with effortless yoga and morning walk, then effortless swimming, then now dancing and later scuba diving. When I met the right partner, I want to slow dance, to have passionate love making.
The Passion Test
Every single thing u can see that was created by man was an idea in someone's mind at one time. If u want to create the life of ur dreams, it begins by writing your dreams down and becoming as clear as possible.
The power of intention and attention is what brings ideas into concrete form. When u have intention and attention with no tension, then the whole process becomes fun.
Soul
Father, now that I can dance and express my emotion, I no longer feared of not having good food. I still like it and I was pleasantly surprised at the food today. Father, I love U. I love mySelf. Amen.
I am transforming (13)
Jan 23 Aft
Father, no reply from Z after half day. At first I start to think I don't care if he doesn't reply. Then second tot is that's no true and its my defense mechanism operating cos I took it as personal rejection.
So, I say that I want to have his reply but if he doesn't I am fine too. Then an alternative tot came, if he wanted to be my man, that's msg basically put his as a friend and I don't think he want that. Aiyah, its my compulsive tot. Its enough!.
I had a great time at the wet market today. Wet market is my hobby. I like it becos the people are real, no "mask" or "clothes" to hide and also it has my food whereby I too can be myself. I found myself grinning throughout the trip. When I went a crowd and sense a drop in energy, I automatically goes for breathe watching to keep me grounded.
7thunder Card - Queen of Spades
Queens have their greatest power in the feminine, receptive mode. To truly receive, we must attain that state of mind in which we allow everything to come to us without hesitation.
Once we does that, we allow ourselves to experience more joy and success.
(Feb 6 - a tot just occurred to me, does this means when its sadness or bad news, we don't resist, we just let it be. We don't set up defense mechanism that may does us self-jeopardy)
Today card - Eight of Heart
Card of considerable emotional power, charm and personal magnetism.
It is an indicator of having healing energy, a 'spiritual force' gathering in u, a force u can use to better ur life in many ways.
It can bring u more social fun, better intimate relationships or more success in ur business.
Soul
So apt, I have finally let go of my Control cast and let Mars come out. And when it is out, I operate less from projection of hidden defense mechanism that can self-sabotage me. I am alive and I am open to life.
Finally he replied saying he got back late and just woke up. I replied, "happy hunting".
For now, I will be myself, at my own terms.
Father, no reply from Z after half day. At first I start to think I don't care if he doesn't reply. Then second tot is that's no true and its my defense mechanism operating cos I took it as personal rejection.
So, I say that I want to have his reply but if he doesn't I am fine too. Then an alternative tot came, if he wanted to be my man, that's msg basically put his as a friend and I don't think he want that. Aiyah, its my compulsive tot. Its enough!.
I had a great time at the wet market today. Wet market is my hobby. I like it becos the people are real, no "mask" or "clothes" to hide and also it has my food whereby I too can be myself. I found myself grinning throughout the trip. When I went a crowd and sense a drop in energy, I automatically goes for breathe watching to keep me grounded.
7thunder Card - Queen of Spades
Queens have their greatest power in the feminine, receptive mode. To truly receive, we must attain that state of mind in which we allow everything to come to us without hesitation.
Once we does that, we allow ourselves to experience more joy and success.
(Feb 6 - a tot just occurred to me, does this means when its sadness or bad news, we don't resist, we just let it be. We don't set up defense mechanism that may does us self-jeopardy)
Today card - Eight of Heart
Card of considerable emotional power, charm and personal magnetism.
It is an indicator of having healing energy, a 'spiritual force' gathering in u, a force u can use to better ur life in many ways.
It can bring u more social fun, better intimate relationships or more success in ur business.
Soul
So apt, I have finally let go of my Control cast and let Mars come out. And when it is out, I operate less from projection of hidden defense mechanism that can self-sabotage me. I am alive and I am open to life.
Finally he replied saying he got back late and just woke up. I replied, "happy hunting".
For now, I will be myself, at my own terms.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Intimacy by Rabbi Irwin
Jan 23 late afternoon
I was waiting for my pedicure and was browsing thru my BB and found this excerpt from Rabbi Irwin on Intimacy.
Intimacy by Rabbi Irwin
Intimacy is a never ending dance between loneliness and connection, expectation and disappointment; hot sex and boring sex. There is the greatest risk of loss and the greatest hope for gain.
Marriage, or any close relationship, is a place where you learn about your self - your shadows and your light. Its a place of commandment and trangression. Its a place whereby we are meant to wrestle with ourselves, as well as our loved ones, in order to give birth to a new world.
Its a place that can withstand your brokenness.
We choose a lover in order to fill up something inside us, to find the flesh of our flesh, and we project onto that person, our greatest hope. This is also true with children and friendship, but with romantic love, the bubble is much bigger and likely to pop.
Unless we genuinely helped each other by challenging and being challenged, we cannot continue to feel that oneness.
The real work of intimacy comes when romantic (automatic) love ends and intentional love begins when we leave the garden of eden.
Continuing and maintaining that newness and passion, we must reveal more and more of ourselves and unveil more and more of the other person. We must feel vulnerable and exposed in order to keep love alive.
Blame is a big part of every relationship; its a primal protective device, a shield against vulnerability.
When we hide parts of who we are from our lover, we just ensure that it is not the full me that is being loved. And so love ends up feeding our doubt about the relationship.
We yearn for a person with whom we can be vulnerable and yet be embraced. We long for a place that can tolerate the inevitable turbulence, disruption, anxiety and anguish. We want to feel cherished and celebrated as well
There is no such thing as great love, only great loving, a never-ending process of learning about oneself and each other.
We also need to sweat the small stuff, especially when pettiness threatens to pulls us apart.
We learn to support our lovers, whether silently, or in words or actions, to help them discover themselves in the emotional storm. We are in a dance of perpetual discovery.
Soul
What a great summation! The scary part was the the inevitable turbulence, disruption, anxiety and anguish.
I no longer want to participate in the drama that resulted from resistance.
I will be on my terms, the whole of me. No longer hiding any parts of myself.
I was waiting for my pedicure and was browsing thru my BB and found this excerpt from Rabbi Irwin on Intimacy.
Intimacy by Rabbi Irwin
Intimacy is a never ending dance between loneliness and connection, expectation and disappointment; hot sex and boring sex. There is the greatest risk of loss and the greatest hope for gain.
Marriage, or any close relationship, is a place where you learn about your self - your shadows and your light. Its a place of commandment and trangression. Its a place whereby we are meant to wrestle with ourselves, as well as our loved ones, in order to give birth to a new world.
Its a place that can withstand your brokenness.
We choose a lover in order to fill up something inside us, to find the flesh of our flesh, and we project onto that person, our greatest hope. This is also true with children and friendship, but with romantic love, the bubble is much bigger and likely to pop.
Unless we genuinely helped each other by challenging and being challenged, we cannot continue to feel that oneness.
The real work of intimacy comes when romantic (automatic) love ends and intentional love begins when we leave the garden of eden.
Continuing and maintaining that newness and passion, we must reveal more and more of ourselves and unveil more and more of the other person. We must feel vulnerable and exposed in order to keep love alive.
Blame is a big part of every relationship; its a primal protective device, a shield against vulnerability.
When we hide parts of who we are from our lover, we just ensure that it is not the full me that is being loved. And so love ends up feeding our doubt about the relationship.
We yearn for a person with whom we can be vulnerable and yet be embraced. We long for a place that can tolerate the inevitable turbulence, disruption, anxiety and anguish. We want to feel cherished and celebrated as well
There is no such thing as great love, only great loving, a never-ending process of learning about oneself and each other.
We also need to sweat the small stuff, especially when pettiness threatens to pulls us apart.
We learn to support our lovers, whether silently, or in words or actions, to help them discover themselves in the emotional storm. We are in a dance of perpetual discovery.
Soul
What a great summation! The scary part was the the inevitable turbulence, disruption, anxiety and anguish.
I no longer want to participate in the drama that resulted from resistance.
I will be on my terms, the whole of me. No longer hiding any parts of myself.
I am transforming (12)
Jan 23 Eve
F confronted me and said that I am such a nagger. I asked her how frequent do we meet. She didn't want to reply but in the end she relented its at the most once a month. Actually our SS pgm completed sometime before Aug 2010 and we met only 2 times since then and today becos of S's graduation. So, all in all, its one time in 2months. She does have major authority issue.
For me, I told her that my ego was dented because she doesn't want to listen to me at all, she didn't open up to me at all. Of course for me, after I knew about Ace of Diamond and Ten of Spade issue, I accepted her reluctance to open to me. And I had an alternative tot, its good to have a group of friends that I don't have to share my Light.
I found that she has only one door and she seldom opens it. For me, I have few layers of doors, so I can open them confidently. For her, since it is only one door, she really has to be more choosy to open it. The last time she open her door was few years ago and she was given wrong advice. Great insight and somehow it dispel my ego denture on her not opening to me at all. Now I know it is not 'personal' and need not take it as a rejection per se.
And besides she doesn't even open to Wayne Dyer who told her "Infinite patience brings immediate results".
Father, I like the message to me, Infinite patience brings immediate results.
Today I met another Controller who is beautiful. This time no envious feeling and I tot of introducing her to Z. Then a tot came, Z can do his own hunting and besides I want Z to hunt me, so why sabotage my own chance.
Father, great bonding with S and F. Thank U.
Today also received kudos from P on my website. To receive from her is a big honour as P has great insights and writes so well.
Father, I am so happy. Just now while waiting for S, I start to dance to the music. This time I am standing dancing. My feet moves on its own, real dancing, the sense of two left feet is gone. Father, I want to dance. So, Friday is a good time for me to do dancing. I recalled natal chart says I can dance. Let's try that. Amen.
I don't know if my body can respond passionately to a man's touch. But I want my body to respond to music, a safer choice. I want to dance. I want to feel connected with my body. I already connect with my emotion and now I want my body.
The Passion Test
You can never know what will show up in ur life. You can only stay open to what is required of u in the present moment.
When u let go of the way u think things should be and open yourself to the way they are appearing, u open yourself to the will of God, to the perfect organising power of Nature.
Soul
Yea, I tot now the focus in on writing and here Z suddenly made inroad into my life. Its ironic, we met about 1 year ago and nothing happen but 2 months back, we suddenly click on the banana.
At first I tot not good timing as I need my balance to focus on my writing as I am not confident yet. But little did I knew that by opening up, I let him helped me with my control issue and I finally knew why I couldn't response with passion. And now I want to do dancing. And 2 months later, can do scuba diving.
Father, I now want to connect and experience my bodily function. It started with effortless yoga and morning walk, then effortless swimming, then now dancing and later scuba diving. When I met the right partner, I want to slow dance, to have passionate love making.
The Passion Test
Every single thing u can see that was created by man was an idea in someone's mind at one time. If u want to create the life of ur dreams, it begins by writing your dreams down and becoming as clear as possible.
The power of intention and attention is what brings ideas into concrete form. When u have intention and attention with no tension, then the whole process becomes fun.
Soul
Father, now that I can dance and express my emotion, I no longer feared of not having good food. I still like it and I was pleasantly surprised at the food today. Father, I love U. I love mySelf. Amen.
F confronted me and said that I am such a nagger. I asked her how frequent do we meet. She didn't want to reply but in the end she relented its at the most once a month. Actually our SS pgm completed sometime before Aug 2010 and we met only 2 times since then and today becos of S's graduation. So, all in all, its one time in 2months. She does have major authority issue.
For me, I told her that my ego was dented because she doesn't want to listen to me at all, she didn't open up to me at all. Of course for me, after I knew about Ace of Diamond and Ten of Spade issue, I accepted her reluctance to open to me. And I had an alternative tot, its good to have a group of friends that I don't have to share my Light.
I found that she has only one door and she seldom opens it. For me, I have few layers of doors, so I can open them confidently. For her, since it is only one door, she really has to be more choosy to open it. The last time she open her door was few years ago and she was given wrong advice. Great insight and somehow it dispel my ego denture on her not opening to me at all. Now I know it is not 'personal' and need not take it as a rejection per se.
And besides she doesn't even open to Wayne Dyer who told her "Infinite patience brings immediate results".
Father, I like the message to me, Infinite patience brings immediate results.
Today I met another Controller who is beautiful. This time no envious feeling and I tot of introducing her to Z. Then a tot came, Z can do his own hunting and besides I want Z to hunt me, so why sabotage my own chance.
Father, great bonding with S and F. Thank U.
Today also received kudos from P on my website. To receive from her is a big honour as P has great insights and writes so well.
Father, I am so happy. Just now while waiting for S, I start to dance to the music. This time I am standing dancing. My feet moves on its own, real dancing, the sense of two left feet is gone. Father, I want to dance. So, Friday is a good time for me to do dancing. I recalled natal chart says I can dance. Let's try that. Amen.
I don't know if my body can respond passionately to a man's touch. But I want my body to respond to music, a safer choice. I want to dance. I want to feel connected with my body. I already connect with my emotion and now I want my body.
The Passion Test
You can never know what will show up in ur life. You can only stay open to what is required of u in the present moment.
When u let go of the way u think things should be and open yourself to the way they are appearing, u open yourself to the will of God, to the perfect organising power of Nature.
Soul
Yea, I tot now the focus in on writing and here Z suddenly made inroad into my life. Its ironic, we met about 1 year ago and nothing happen but 2 months back, we suddenly click on the banana.
At first I tot not good timing as I need my balance to focus on my writing as I am not confident yet. But little did I knew that by opening up, I let him helped me with my control issue and I finally knew why I couldn't response with passion. And now I want to do dancing. And 2 months later, can do scuba diving.
Father, I now want to connect and experience my bodily function. It started with effortless yoga and morning walk, then effortless swimming, then now dancing and later scuba diving. When I met the right partner, I want to slow dance, to have passionate love making.
The Passion Test
Every single thing u can see that was created by man was an idea in someone's mind at one time. If u want to create the life of ur dreams, it begins by writing your dreams down and becoming as clear as possible.
The power of intention and attention is what brings ideas into concrete form. When u have intention and attention with no tension, then the whole process becomes fun.
Soul
Father, now that I can dance and express my emotion, I no longer feared of not having good food. I still like it and I was pleasantly surprised at the food today. Father, I love U. I love mySelf. Amen.
Facing my karma in relationship (14)
Jan 23 Aft
Father, no reply from Z after half day. At first I start to think I don't care if he doesn't reply. Then second tot is that's no true and its my defense mechanism operating cos I took it as personal rejection.
So, I say that I want to have his reply but if he doesn't I am fine too. Then an alternative tot came, if he wanted to be my man, that's msg basically put him as a friend and I don't think he want that. Aiyah, compulsive tot. Its enough.
I had a great time at the wet market today. Wet market is my hobby. I like it becos the people are real, no "mask" or "clothes" to hide and also it has my food whereby I too can be myself. I found myself grinning throughout the trip. When I went a crowd and sense a drop in energy, I automatically goes for breathe watching to keep me grounded.
7thunder Card - Queen of Spades
Queens have their greatest power in the feminine, receptive mode. To truly receive, we must attain that state of mind in which we allow everything to come to us without hesitation.
Once we does that, we allow ourselves to experience more joy and success.
Today card - Eight of Heart
Card of considerable emotional power, charm and personal magnetism.
It is an indicator of having healing energy, a 'spiritual force' gathering in u, a force u can use to better ur life in many ways.
It can bring u more social fun, better intimate relationships or more success in ur business.
Soul
So apt, I have finally let go of my Control cast and let Mars come out. And when it is out, I operate less from projection of hidden defense mechanism that can self-sabotage me. I am alive and I am open to life.
Finally he replied saying he got back late and just woke up. I replied, "happy hunting".
For now, I will be myself.
Father, no reply from Z after half day. At first I start to think I don't care if he doesn't reply. Then second tot is that's no true and its my defense mechanism operating cos I took it as personal rejection.
So, I say that I want to have his reply but if he doesn't I am fine too. Then an alternative tot came, if he wanted to be my man, that's msg basically put him as a friend and I don't think he want that. Aiyah, compulsive tot. Its enough.
I had a great time at the wet market today. Wet market is my hobby. I like it becos the people are real, no "mask" or "clothes" to hide and also it has my food whereby I too can be myself. I found myself grinning throughout the trip. When I went a crowd and sense a drop in energy, I automatically goes for breathe watching to keep me grounded.
7thunder Card - Queen of Spades
Queens have their greatest power in the feminine, receptive mode. To truly receive, we must attain that state of mind in which we allow everything to come to us without hesitation.
Once we does that, we allow ourselves to experience more joy and success.
Today card - Eight of Heart
Card of considerable emotional power, charm and personal magnetism.
It is an indicator of having healing energy, a 'spiritual force' gathering in u, a force u can use to better ur life in many ways.
It can bring u more social fun, better intimate relationships or more success in ur business.
Soul
So apt, I have finally let go of my Control cast and let Mars come out. And when it is out, I operate less from projection of hidden defense mechanism that can self-sabotage me. I am alive and I am open to life.
Finally he replied saying he got back late and just woke up. I replied, "happy hunting".
For now, I will be myself.
Facing my karma in relationship (13)
Jan 23
The only reservation I have about Z is indian food and also he wants children.
Frankly both also am not keen.
But RA is putting me a hold back on this.
So, will be open. Besides, I am attracted to him mentally, emotionally and physically. So, just be open and see where it goes.
At least he likes banana and we both like water.
Reading my Mars Natal Chart - I think 80 percent is out becos my eros were suppressed all these years. Anyway, coincidentally I just bought the right flower essence today. Everything is falling into place.
On Friday afternoon, my website become alive, in the evening Z opens up and the Saturday afternoon, I had the tarot reading and bought Eros flower essence and in the evening I was opened up by Z's sharing and become alive. And now reading my issue of MARS, really apt and for the first time I will attend to it. I want to live, I want to bring my emotion and body back again. It has stopped since I was a primary school kid, closed for more than 30 odd years.
Father, I am attracted to Z and I wants to liberate myself with him. A tot came, just 'enjoy' him and don't worry about the ending. But a second tot came in, I can no longer dismissed him after yday conversation. He is a man to be reckoned with. He is intentional and purposeful. He goes for what he wants. I wish to learn that from him. I always shy away from what I want.
The only reservation I have about Z is indian food and also he wants children.
Frankly both also am not keen.
But RA is putting me a hold back on this.
So, will be open. Besides, I am attracted to him mentally, emotionally and physically. So, just be open and see where it goes.
At least he likes banana and we both like water.
Reading my Mars Natal Chart - I think 80 percent is out becos my eros were suppressed all these years. Anyway, coincidentally I just bought the right flower essence today. Everything is falling into place.
On Friday afternoon, my website become alive, in the evening Z opens up and the Saturday afternoon, I had the tarot reading and bought Eros flower essence and in the evening I was opened up by Z's sharing and become alive. And now reading my issue of MARS, really apt and for the first time I will attend to it. I want to live, I want to bring my emotion and body back again. It has stopped since I was a primary school kid, closed for more than 30 odd years.
Father, I am attracted to Z and I wants to liberate myself with him. A tot came, just 'enjoy' him and don't worry about the ending. But a second tot came in, I can no longer dismissed him after yday conversation. He is a man to be reckoned with. He is intentional and purposeful. He goes for what he wants. I wish to learn that from him. I always shy away from what I want.
I am transforming (11)
Jan 22 Eve
Father, Z is my Cosmic Reward. Yesterday in his ernesty to seek my understanding of his one-track mind in wanting to be physical with me, he has unknowingly gave me an insight of myself.
Z said that his mode is emotion, mental and then body.
Emotion as he has liking for the gal, then he tot of how to get the gal and when he got the gal, he wants to be with her physically.
I shared that mine was mental, emotional and body. Of course, my mental is on the very high side that emotional and body is literally cut down. I was cold and frigid. I show emotion only when I am eating.
I told him that after meditation, I can now express my emotion and my body is so nimble now. My body can automatically swayed to any music playing in the background.
So, both emotion and body is in operation mode now. And with samyama, I can opt to use my mind or not.
Amazing. Thanks Z
Father, I am alive now!
And ironically I am going to meet A after a 2 year lapse. He was the one who triggered me into this inner journey. Hug to him.
(Feb 1 - met him yesterday. He came with his wife and I was comfortable with both of them. I have forgiven my Past. I am happy again)
Father, thank U. Now everything falls in place.
Just text Z.
Thank U so much. Ur sharing yesterday has unknowingly helped me to clear my own issue. I had a good cry and laugh its all released. Big Hug :)
(Feb 1 - he says he couldn't understand my text and hence didn't reply. But he text me the following day for acknowledgement of receipt.)
Soul
I am so happy. I finally found mySelf. I am alive now. I am not even thinking of Z's potential. I have learned from him. Now I am liberated from my past, from everyone. I am at peace.
(Feb 1 - With my control cast gone, I have fell into a confession. While there is no response, but it was a breakthru for me. And I know this is a preclude to the Samurai Training programme that is happening next weekend.)
Father, Z is my Cosmic Reward. Yesterday in his ernesty to seek my understanding of his one-track mind in wanting to be physical with me, he has unknowingly gave me an insight of myself.
Z said that his mode is emotion, mental and then body.
Emotion as he has liking for the gal, then he tot of how to get the gal and when he got the gal, he wants to be with her physically.
I shared that mine was mental, emotional and body. Of course, my mental is on the very high side that emotional and body is literally cut down. I was cold and frigid. I show emotion only when I am eating.
I told him that after meditation, I can now express my emotion and my body is so nimble now. My body can automatically swayed to any music playing in the background.
So, both emotion and body is in operation mode now. And with samyama, I can opt to use my mind or not.
Amazing. Thanks Z
Father, I am alive now!
And ironically I am going to meet A after a 2 year lapse. He was the one who triggered me into this inner journey. Hug to him.
(Feb 1 - met him yesterday. He came with his wife and I was comfortable with both of them. I have forgiven my Past. I am happy again)
Father, thank U. Now everything falls in place.
Just text Z.
Thank U so much. Ur sharing yesterday has unknowingly helped me to clear my own issue. I had a good cry and laugh its all released. Big Hug :)
(Feb 1 - he says he couldn't understand my text and hence didn't reply. But he text me the following day for acknowledgement of receipt.)
Soul
I am so happy. I finally found mySelf. I am alive now. I am not even thinking of Z's potential. I have learned from him. Now I am liberated from my past, from everyone. I am at peace.
(Feb 1 - With my control cast gone, I have fell into a confession. While there is no response, but it was a breakthru for me. And I know this is a preclude to the Samurai Training programme that is happening next weekend.)
I am transforming (10)
Jan 22 Aft (Osho card picked up in New Age's centre)
1. Issue
Solar Plexus - defense mechanism due to lack of self confidence, self esteem
2. Internal influence
The Wall of protection
3. External influence
Exhaustion
5. What to do
Experiencing - living in the moment.
4. Resolution
Letting Go
I express that I am now in the middle of creating a new career in writing, having to prove my worth again now that I drop the corporate career. I am not sure if I am good enough.
Soul
I woke up and now I knew what the card meant.
First tot is my love life is effortless.
Then I had a quick question, why the cards?
Answer came;
The Past is gone and I need not hold on to It.
My old cast is gone. My wish is coming true
It was encouraging me that I am on track.
Amen
Its time to live in the spring time of my life.
Father, no wonder I somehow didn't like the mode of interpretation.
Just came out of shower. I received the text from F. Looks like I was defensive yday and retorted too fast. Later no reply, I try to cover by sending her a 2nd text. When there was no reply, I judged her, which she did few hours later
Father, its true. I really seek approval from people. Just like the discovery on having to say No at office. I used to keep quiet to keep peace and to ensure I m liked. It was so easy, to be in control.
These days, without the cast, when I am piss, I just reacted. And then I piss people off and I worried I lost people's liking for me, their view of me being a mature, emotional controlled, reasonable person.
Alas, that's what LY saw of me, the hidden defense mechanism of reaction. I wasn't able to react. And that's why I wasn't able to feel the arousal or respond when people kiss me. My mind controlled my emotion and body.
I used to judge J, A, M for their reactionary mode. In my case, I cannot react. Now alas, I can react.
So, its a happy problem that control cast is gone. I can react and give expression to. both positive and negative tots. I can now dance
Just now in the shop, they switched on music and I found my body moving and swaying without any conscious tots.
Hurray! I can now react! Now need not feel guilty nor worry about the loss of my old controlled image.
1. Issue
Solar Plexus - defense mechanism due to lack of self confidence, self esteem
2. Internal influence
The Wall of protection
3. External influence
Exhaustion
5. What to do
Experiencing - living in the moment.
4. Resolution
Letting Go
I express that I am now in the middle of creating a new career in writing, having to prove my worth again now that I drop the corporate career. I am not sure if I am good enough.
Soul
I woke up and now I knew what the card meant.
First tot is my love life is effortless.
Then I had a quick question, why the cards?
Answer came;
The Past is gone and I need not hold on to It.
My old cast is gone. My wish is coming true
It was encouraging me that I am on track.
Amen
Its time to live in the spring time of my life.
Father, no wonder I somehow didn't like the mode of interpretation.
Just came out of shower. I received the text from F. Looks like I was defensive yday and retorted too fast. Later no reply, I try to cover by sending her a 2nd text. When there was no reply, I judged her, which she did few hours later
Father, its true. I really seek approval from people. Just like the discovery on having to say No at office. I used to keep quiet to keep peace and to ensure I m liked. It was so easy, to be in control.
These days, without the cast, when I am piss, I just reacted. And then I piss people off and I worried I lost people's liking for me, their view of me being a mature, emotional controlled, reasonable person.
Alas, that's what LY saw of me, the hidden defense mechanism of reaction. I wasn't able to react. And that's why I wasn't able to feel the arousal or respond when people kiss me. My mind controlled my emotion and body.
I used to judge J, A, M for their reactionary mode. In my case, I cannot react. Now alas, I can react.
So, its a happy problem that control cast is gone. I can react and give expression to. both positive and negative tots. I can now dance
Just now in the shop, they switched on music and I found my body moving and swaying without any conscious tots.
Hurray! I can now react! Now need not feel guilty nor worry about the loss of my old controlled image.
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