Facing my karma in relationship (16)

Jan 28 Eve
Today saw my ex boss, G. The amazing part is I went to him happily. There were no feeling of self-consciousness. I recalled years ago, I had some reservations, but now totally gone. Infact I was so glad to see him.

This afternoon saw boss yo yo on her insecurity. She said she knows she is insecure but why does M need to trigger it.

I saw mine issue too. I made the choice to call him but he didn't reply. Then my uncertainty comes out and firstly I tried to close the door and then secondly I felt bad.

Just now called C over some matters and she suddenly shared about her marriage and her uncertainty about the possible third party. I told her she has decided to stay and hence need to handle her insecurities. Why make herself unhappy??

My first tot was I want to end the uncertainty and called Z. Then as I was watching my breathe, I asked myself is this needing or sharing. I replied is needing. Me calling him is to remove the uncertainty and I don't want to do that.
Father, since my issue is insecurity, this lesson with Z is perfect. He doesn't reply phone call immediately and can delay reply sms by few hours.

Father, I promise myself. I will only call when I want to share and not when I want to extract. Let me stay with this uncertainty, this feeling of insecurity that I am attracted to a guy that its not that into me. So, perfect lesson. Like C said, I have overcome my Seven of Club Saturn Card and now pursue to Seven of Spade Cosmic lesson.

Father, no one is allowed to rob me of my joy. He is not in me. I no longer want to trap myself in the mind game. I will stay in this uncertainty rather than to beg for love. I have so much love in me and I love myself.

(Feb 18 - now I know its my pain body activated. And according to Ekhart Tolle and 7thunder, use the opportunity to remove illusion so that I can be my true self.)

Now I truly understand my Osho card

Issue - Change
Life repeats itself mindlessly - unless u become mindful, it will go on repeating like a wheel.
Move to the center of the cyclones and relax, knowing that this too will pass.
Father, I am watching my breathe and I felt easier. My love life is effortless.

What is needed
Thunderbolt
U must be feeling pretty shaky right now, as if the earth is rocking beneath ur feet. Ur sense of security is being challenged, and the natural tendency is to try to hold on to whatever u can.
But this inner earthquake is both necessary and tremendously important - if u allow it, u will emerge from the wreckage stronger and more available for new experience.
After the fire, the earth is replenished; after the storm the air is clear. Try to watch the destruction with detachment, almost as if it were happening to somebody else. Say yes to the process by meeting it halfway.

Resolution
Receptivity
Listening means forgetting urself completely - only then u can listen.
A time of unboundedness and gratitude for whatever life brings, without expectations aor demands. Sensitivity, intuition and compassion are the qualities that shine forth now, dissolving our obstacles that keep us separate from each other and from the whole.

Soul
Amen. I am much better, neediness is gone. I just watch my breathe.
　
Soul
Now I am experiencing it.