I am transforming (17)

Jan 26 Eve

Father, this week has been a roller coaster of up and down.

Now I finally know the meaning of the Osho card - Change
Life repeats itself mindlessly - unless u become mindful, it will go on repeating like a wheel; one day good, one day bad, next day good.
And it goes on and on but u don't see the pattern. Once u see the pattern, u can get out of it.
It u cling to the edge of wheel u can get dizzy! Move toward the center of the cyclone and relax knowing that this too will pass.

On Monday evening, I was feeling bit lousy cos no contact with Z and also because I was tired with budget and no response on the ebook. As the feeling come, I see it as a mental compulsion, needing Z, a beggar instead of employer's love. I just focus back on my breathe and the need reduces and slowly pass on.

On Tuesday evening, I was so happy because got kudos from SL and HH and found John Campbell. Found some trails on Destiny cards. At night had a long delightful call with Z. I was so happy.

On Wednesday morning, it dropped. I start to feel bit down. I remember the Change card; relax and know that this too will pass.

For me now is whenever I tot of Z and I am not happy, then the love is beggar's love and not emperor's love. So, I won't call him.
My mode is when the neediness arise, just go back to the center, watch my breathe and it passes off quickly. Father, I am slowly but surely disengaging from my mind.
Father, I can see the trail.
The trick is to disengage, focus on breathe. Then take one step at a time.

Now I know why thunderbolt - try to watch the destruction with them. Say yes to the process by meeting it halfway.

(Feb 6 - I definitely did that.)