Facing my karma in relationship (13a)

Jan 23 Mor

Father, I woke up before alarm. First thing I tot of is I love myself. Second thing is I am freed, thanks to Z. Third thing I tot of is A. I recall I was so thankful for A for helping me to open my emotion channel. The gratefulness was turned to love and I love him for a long long time.
Now Z helped to open my physical channel. I am still not sure of him cos tot of E came to my mind.

Then I recalled Eat, pray and love. Her last journey on love releases the physical/passion energy in her and alas she was whole. I recalled she is a writer like me and she also has a controlled look.

For me, the control cast was melted by the joy I am experiencing. That's why these days I am expressing my Mars. Can get angry and have auto reaction on defense mechanism. I was bit worried on why I become like that. Now I know the control cast is finally off.

I have lived and survived on control cast for the past 30 years and now I am living without the auto control cast. I will respond to the situation with mind, emotion and body as when it arise. Amen.

What a great timing. My website came alive on 21 Jan and mySelf come alive on 22 Jan.

Father, still no text from Z. Tots is coming in and by now I have learnt about my defense mechanism. Remember H and F took nearly a day to reply.

Besides I don't need Z to acknowledge me as I just want to express my gratitude. Of cos one part says he may be worried I wrote about him and tot of texting. Second tot forget about it, on my own terms.