I am transforming (12)

Jan 23 Eve

F confronted me and said that I am such a nagger. I asked her how frequent do we meet. She didn't want to reply but in the end she relented its at the most once a month. Actually our SS pgm completed sometime before Aug 2010 and we met only 2 times since then and today becos of S's graduation. So, all in all, its one time in 2months. She does have major authority issue.

For me, I told her that my ego was dented because she doesn't want to listen to me at all, she didn't open up to me at all. Of course for me, after I knew about Ace of Diamond and Ten of Spade issue, I accepted her reluctance to open to me. And I had an alternative tot, its good to have a group of friends that I don't have to share my Light.

I found that she has only one door and she seldom opens it. For me, I have few layers of doors, so I can open them confidently. For her, since it is only one door, she really has to be more choosy to open it. The last time she open her door was few years ago and she was given wrong advice. Great insight and somehow it dispel my ego denture on her not opening to me at all. Now I know it is not 'personal' and need not take it as a rejection per se.

And besides she doesn't even open to Wayne Dyer who told her "Infinite patience brings immediate results".

Father, I like the message to me, Infinite patience brings immediate results.

Today I met another Controller who is beautiful. This time no envious feeling and I tot of introducing her to Z. Then a tot came, Z can do his own hunting and besides I want Z to hunt me, so why sabotage my own chance.

Father, great bonding with S and F. Thank U.

Today also received kudos from P on my website. To receive from her is a big honour as P has great insights and writes so well.

Father, I am so happy. Just now while waiting for S, I start to dance to the music. This time I am standing dancing. My feet moves on its own, real dancing, the sense of two left feet is gone. Father, I want to dance. So, Friday is a good time for me to do dancing. I recalled natal chart says I can dance. Let's try that. Amen.
I don't know if my body can respond passionately to a man's touch. But I want my body to respond to music, a safer choice. I want to dance. I want to feel connected with my body. I already connect with my emotion and now I want my body.

The Passion Test
You can never know what will show up in ur life. You can only stay open to what is required of u in the present moment.
When u let go of the way u think things should be and open yourself to the way they are appearing, u open yourself to the will of God, to the perfect organising power of Nature.

Soul
Yea, I tot now the focus in on writing and here Z suddenly made inroad into my life. Its ironic, we met about 1 year ago and nothing happen but 2 months back, we suddenly click on the banana.
At first I tot not good timing as I need my balance to focus on my writing as I am not confident yet. But little did I knew that by opening up, I let him helped me with my control issue and I finally knew why I couldn't response with passion. And now I want to do dancing. And 2 months later, can do scuba diving.
Father, I now want to connect and experience my bodily function. It started with effortless yoga and morning walk, then effortless swimming, then now dancing and later scuba diving. When I met the right partner, I want to slow dance, to have passionate love making.

The Passion Test
Every single thing u can see that was created by man was an idea in someone's mind at one time. If u want to create the life of ur dreams, it begins by writing your dreams down and becoming as clear as possible.

The power of intention and attention is what brings ideas into concrete form. When u have intention and attention with no tension, then the whole process becomes fun.

Soul
Father, now that I can dance and express my emotion, I no longer feared of not having good food. I still like it and I was pleasantly surprised at the food today. Father, I love U. I love mySelf. Amen.