My self control was an illusion

Jan 25
Father, tot of Z this morning. He has a chance to re-look at his life. Why is he taking the same path? I wonder if he has done his passion list.

Father, yday when I saw the Change card I tot it doesn't relate to me per se. But now I know, its the opposites in life. Perhaps becos of my strong mental control that my pendulum swing is minimal, I don't experience the high and low. Since there is no high and low, I have the illusion of being in balance, in control.
Sadhguru says we don't have to control the mind, we have to unleash it and let it swing all the way, so we can experience totality. (Mmm, is that what F does?? Nope as hers is trying as many things as possible and not stretching each one to the max.)

Anyway, no worries. I used to disallowed bad feeling to come up cos I cannot handle. But now that I knew the bad and good feeling goes together, I will allow it to be, but under witnessing mode. I will move towards the center and relax, knowing that this too will pass.

Just got a call from SL and she support me by buying Firefly. She said that she likes my blog and wanted to publish my website in her facebook. Father, thanks for all the friends you send me.

Father, U will me only happiness. So, in tot of Z, I now can separate between mental compulsion vs joy. I now realised a great feel can be changed and manipulated by the mind. And that's when I need to disidentify from it. To do that more and more awareness is needed and hence samyama is important.

Father, today I complete practice by 6.58 am and I start earlier by 3.50 am, nearly 3hours. I think I did longer of my breathing awareness. Mmm, now that I sleep earlier at 11.30 pm instead of 12 pm. Wonder if I can wake up at 3.45 am instead. I do want to do the breathe awareness.

Father, read the Card on Receptivity.
You cannot reach God as aggressive invaders, conquerors. You can reach God only ... Or it will be better to say God can reach u only when u r receptive, a feminine receptivity. When u become yin, a receptivity, the door is open .. And u wait. Listening is the art for becoming passive.

Soul
At first tot it was for F. Then I realised its for me too. Infinite Patience brings immediate results.
When we r receptive (without the head), only then we can receive. Neither duty or tot of merit or reward are important. Sensitivity, intuition and compassion are the qualities that shine forth now, dissolving all the obstacles that keep us separate from each other and from the whole.

Soul
Tot of my intended msg for Z about his passion list. Will call him later as this is sharing of love, not needing him. Amen.

Four of Clubs
The card of mental satisfaction and stability. U will experience mental peace and able to do good things for any sort of mental occupation.
This a good time to make plans for the future since u r thinking clearer than ever.