Accepting my sadness over Z gave me inner peace

Jul 2 morn 1
1. Issue
Transformation
This is the time for a deep let-go. Allow any pain, sorrow or difficulty just to be there, accepting its "facticity".
It is very much like the experience of Gautama Buddha, when, after years of seeking, he finally gave up, knowing there was nothing more that he could do. That very night he become enlightened.
Transformation comes, like death, in its own time. And like death, it takes u from one dimension to the others.

Soul
Exactly my experience this morning. Just accept the "facticity" of Z's absence.
Not sure on enlightenment. But for once, tot of doing Kailash next year; which itself a transformation.

As I was walking to my car and driving to office, I can feel my heart blooming. A sense of sweetness enveloped me. There is still the sadness of Z's absence but it does not take away the sweetness of me.

Came to office and got loads of balloons for my birthday.

Just read M Facebook, no more irritation. No longer affects me.

Still happy and wanted to share with Z. Then I stopped my tots as he is no longer here. A tot came, I have my sharing via blog and M via her FB. With my blog, I hold nothing back as it is a release and learning for me. With M, she can't present her truth, so can only do happy version.

On Z, Father, I truly did my best that I could. To maintain the rship, to have a good ending and alas to have a win win. Alas, Z didn't budge at all and my mind definitely still hurting. There is absolutely nothing else I can do. Just accept wait for the tide of sadness to be over.

Just did my afternoon Shoonya. When I close my eyes tears came due to sadness for Z. Just have to accept Z is gone. Then moments later laughter exploded. I laughed for quite a long while. Then deep silence. Nothing at all. Amen.