Beyond the mind - true joy got no opposites

Jun 29 eve
Nearly two hours has passed and Joy still with me.

Father, I am now finding answer not just to release Z but for my future partner.
This issue of rship is mine to handle. Since I now know I got the addiction, need to find how to handle.

Just did my Shoonya, I went in deep. Knocked out. Real empty.
Samyama was ok. Ended with a good plough back. I was laughing at the end. A tot came, so humbling that I got bad perception and communication in relationship. Why didn't I realised earlier, then won't be hurt so much?
Answer came, u r meant to be blinded. U need this experience to grow. Laughter came again.

Father, true joy got no opposites. Amen.

Just got back from old college mate gathering. A small group, I have not met them for more than 10 years except for my close friend, about 3 years back. There was a couple, they shared their live of marriage and children. Even after more than 15 years of raising kids, still no time spent on themselves. Money reserved for their children. They seems fine with their lives.

I just know one thing. I cannot live their lives. I may be lonely at times but I cherish my alone time, my self time.
A tot came, that Z's offering too. Z had a chance for a different life but he repeat the same old life. His loss my gain.
Father, nothing to hold on to.
I would not be truly happy with Z.

So, if and when my partner comes, we have the same values, learning and growing together spiritually.

Osho - Krishna
Understand everybody and follow urself, follow ur intrinsic nature. If u want to imitate, imitate urself and no one else.

Soul
Now I understand why no comparison can be made.

Father, on meat. I loss my compulsion. I just don't eat them. I m not even suppressing or resisting. I m quite a good food picker. I can pick the meat from the rest. I used to do picking whenever i eat fried rice cos i want more meat. Now this skill is used in the reverse, picking the meat cos I don't eat. Last time is picking the meat to gather more. It has been awhile since I dreamed of meat.

Father, today alas I see daylight on Z. I can finally let go of him just like I let go of meat. Just as I don't want the meat to be me; I too don't want Z's life to be mine.

Osho - Krishna
The phenomenon of birth takes place in darkness; everything is born in darkness; nothing is born in daylight.
Even as a seed opens and sprouts, it does so in the dark recesses of the earth. Although a flower blooms in light, its birth takes place in the dark.

Soul
When I read this, a tot came. I was in darkness; in darkness I struggle to find answer in myself. Once I found the answers I can them come out into the light. The darkness is a period of suffering and at the same time growth.
Cos in darkness, knowing came so we can bloom in the light.

Father, I m glad I read Krishna again. After Sadhguru's videos on Leela, I can now relate to it. Thanks for directing me to this book after nearly 5 years.

Father, today I didn't take afternoon nap but I did evening Shoonya and Samyama. It's now after midnite but I m still alert.

Osho - Krishna
A life full of problems, full of energy and flow, is far more preferable to a life that is dull, dreary and dead.
If we want to be fully alive, if we want to live a rich and full life, we should be ready to invite and face any number of new and living problems.
And we will live a morbid and dead live if we try to be finished with all our problems for good. Problems are necessary, but they must always be new and live problems, and man should have will, confidence and courage to meet them squarely and solve them. This is what makes for real life.

Soul
That's why darkness is require for growth.

Osho - Krishna
To go beyond the mind does not mean not left with a mind. To go beyond the mind means that one has known that which is beyond mind.
Mind remains even after u transcended it, but it is a different mind altogether, it is a mind cleansed and stilled and saturated with the beyond. Krishna is larger than his mind, but the mind has a place in him.
He had known the immense, which is infinite.  His mind then has heightened sensitivity and awareness.

Soul
I did experience beyond the mind on daily basis. Now just need to bring back my memories during off practices.