Cosmic Lesson - I finally emulated Z for his passion and creativity

Jul 1 aft
Father, as I was driving, I felt something changed in me.
On my mind's projection of Z, I accept that it will continue for awhile.
I can only listen and bring my mind out of it slowly. One day once my fear is gone, it will evaporate.
Be a friend to my mind.

Today got this card
Nine of Spades
Represent completion of some importance. Whether this is the end of a certain occupation, way of life or way of being with ur health and body will depend on ur circumstances of ur life.
This is also a card of death. We go thru mini deaths in the course of our life time and just like the snake shedding its skin, arrive at a new and better place each time we do so. It clear away all the unwanted debris in our life and put us back where we are much more enlivened.

Soul
Amen.

I shared with Pe on S. She said S needs love. 
Father, I need to keep myself grounded. Both S and M are extreme. M wanted to emulate me openly and S wanted to emulate me hiddenly. Both also draining energy. Time to keep them away. Father, this is new to me. Normally I will just hang on, don't want to be seen as bad. But I m not good for them and they not good for me either.

North node in 11th house (Aquarius)
These folks have a tremendous amount of passion and creative energy. They are happiest being in projects that allow them to express this in their own way. They don't want to follow someone's direction. It limits them and lowers their frequency.

Soul
True.
Father, I used to admire Z for his passion but I have it too. That's why we are equal physically once he open me up.
I truly have learned my Cosmic Lesson.
Anyway, he is Past. I want someone compatible both financially, physically and spiritually. The next one I think may open me up emotionally.

North node in 11th house (Aquarius)
They can "source" things confidently creating something out of nothing. They can start businesses and creative projects on their own and bring them to completion. They are able to manifest anything they want. They know how to do it.

Soul
Yea, L called me resourceful. Father, I m truly energetic.
Now I know my previous restlessness is due to energy not utilised.
Father, I m finally gaining confidence. I went down with insecurity n behind my confidence was a lack of confidence. I went down when I lost Z. A month ago I woke up and gainfully take back my power.
I regained my power. I m finally back. The whole process about 6 months.

North node in 11th house (Aquarius)
These folks can create anything they decide they want. By having the humility to enlist knowledge and help from others and the openness to allow the natural timing of events to unfold, they can easily manifest all their dreams that are alignment with the larger purpose in life.

Releasing intensity and drama
To maintain perspective, they need to think of life as a comedy instead of a drama. There are many people who they are destined to meet, experiences they are meant to have, and knowledge they are supposed to share with others.
Rather than overreacting, they are better off using their creativity to see the "higher reason"

North node in 11th house (Aquarius)
They are accustomed getting their way and they often become very upset when events doesn't unfold according their timetable. Instead of allowing themselves to be redirected, they become outraged. Rather than recognising that the tides has changed, and that perhaps life itself has a larger plan that requires present events to unfold exactly as they are, these folks resist. In this way, they make the path a lot more difficult than it has to be.
They need to be on the lookout for their own wilfulness. They are learning to transform personal will into a willingness to go with the flow and lovingly accept the gifts that life brings.

Soul
Yea. I didn't accept the ending with Z. That's why it took longer than it might have.

North node in 11th house (Aquarius)
Life doesn't want to hurt them, but they ultimately hurt themselves by resisting the timing of the universe. They are learning to accept whatever happens in their lives as appropriate in order to take the next step.
These folks are learning when one door closes, another opens.

Soul
Father, truly Nine of Diamonds results for this year ending this week.
When I read this, just acceptance.
Just like I don't want to have lunch with friend. I accept I don't want instead of forcing myself so as not to lose approval. Let myself be.


North node in 11th house (Aquarius)
Once again, self discipline is the key: to keep them from always "having their way" by staying objective and focused on the larger pictures.
To discipline their ego, they have to consciously have a larger goal that is meaningful to them.
They are learning to embrace humility and graciously accept the gifts that life brings when those gifts are presented - according to the timing of the universe rather than through their own will.

Soul
Top 5 is important.
No wonder. I took up job with E due to ego. Later it makes me unhappy cos not aligned with my Top 5 and I let go
I hold on to Z due to ego fear of abandonment and validation.  I now know Z doesn't fit me. He has not changed his energy level and hence we are not compatible.