Jan 18
Father, suria was effortless today. Shakti and Shambavi was fine. I doze off when I switched off the aircond. But this time I found myself becoming more quickly aware that I doze off.
I even had a vision of meeting Sadhguru. He just asked me to sit with him.
Father, I have accepted the water heater issue but even the installer said it is not ok and asked me to get a new replacement. But I realised that I am now used to the heat. Not sure if this is because of acceptance.
My mind is still sneaking, telling me Z didn't reply my picture msg, telling me E didn't revert on my mail. I didn't want to be hooked. I don't want to go there.
Soul without shame
The only alternative to self-judgement is knowing the truth about who u r. If u have a deep belief that u r worthless, u must discover where that belief came from and why u believe that it is true. Until u understand that, nothing fundamentally will change.
Once u know deep inside u, with a direct and felt sense, that u have inherent value and are fully acceptable to urself, then u will begin to free urself from the need for positive judgement and approval, from others or from ur own judge. The path to truly knowing who u r requires challenging the presence of the judge.
U must find the courage and wisdom, the determination and clarity, the compassion and desire to see what the truth is and stay with the process of supporting that truth. All these qualities are needed to make space for ur own experience, regardless of whether u consider it good or bad, right or wrong, joyous or painful. Otherwise ur feeling of shame, guilt, wrongness and selfishness provoked by ur judge will make it impossible to stay with the richness and mystery of what u find.
The process is never finished; it will continue throughout ur life, for the judge's influence runs deep in ur soul and impacts u with amazing subtlety. The journey is not easy, but few others are more rewarding in expanding ur sense of who u r and in allowing u to live a full and meaningful life.
Self-judgement
Its function is to maintain the status quo in 2 ways. It keeps u away from what it considers to be dangerous or unmanageable parts of urself. And it directs u toward whatever ideals it feels will make u an acceptable, successful person.
It is based on the accumulation of all the knowledge u believe u need to be successful, safe, supported, recognised and loved in the world. Its standard are learned from others and they can run counter to what u urself want, feel or know to be true.
One of the greatest dangers of becoming aware of self-judgement and its negative effects is that awareness will become the basis of more self-judgement.
Soul
No wonder I felt so shitty back in 2008. And thankfully Sadhguru came.
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